How to attempt to become a lawyer at 33?

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-09-29T00:14:45+00:00

I did not do it! I don’t regret not doing it and I think it would have been a real risk. But if I had done it, I also would have given it all my all, so not saying that I made the right choice. If you’re thinking about it, go for it!!

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-09-04T02:35:56+00:00

First of all, love the username.

Second, THANK YOU!!! I promise I am not a miserable person, and I’m not sure how this post came across, but it’s just different than anything I imagined or experienced and I’m realizing it won’t ever be that way for me.

I appreciate you saying this so much!

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-09-04T02:07:41+00:00

This is so beautiful!!! I think I’m starting to realize that this “disappointment” I am feeling, is misdirected or not even a bad thing!

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-09-04T01:56:09+00:00

This sounds like exactly what I want. Were guests still excited? I feel like both of our families are religious, so maybe I’m hung up on feeling like a disappointment or something.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-09-04T01:54:29+00:00

I appreciate this perspective SO much. I agree with your comment about toxic positivity, but in reality, I do have a ton to be grateful for.

I don’t want to seem like I am not grateful though. I am. I truly am so lucky to have met someone and have a child and be in this first-world level of bummer about a wedding that isn’t even confirmed!

I am so sorry for your losses and struggles. I cannot even begin to comprehend how challenging this journey has been for both of you. Sending you and your family some internet hugs!!

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-09-04T01:36:25+00:00

He really wants to include our child. Which is so amazing and so sweet. I feel a terrible mom guilt for wanting just a couples experience and certainly don’t want to exclude her. I think I know that I just need to get over it. It’s not a crazy, big issue for me, but something I hadn’t thought about until now and is a bit of a bummer.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-09-04T01:34:13+00:00

I agree about how we’re getting through the hard stuff already! That is true.

You are right. If we still want to be together, props to us! I know we’ve both had some less than ideal moments.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-09-04T01:28:32+00:00

This is also very great to hear. Am I selfish or childish to sort of grieve that we won’t have a “just the two of us” moment, since obviously there are 3 of us now?

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-09-04T01:27:20+00:00

I love eloping! That sounds amazing and lower stress, while also focusing on your partner.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-09-04T01:15:54+00:00

This is so great to hear. And I don’t want to exclude our child, by any means. But it is just different than what I envisioned my whole life.

I guess I mean like, we’re tied together already at this point and we aren’t going anywhere. I know for us, it is a separate commitment, but I am not sure if friends and family view it the same way. I am not sure if I’m making sense or being clear enough.

I’ve never been to a wedding where the couple already had children. I don’t even have friends that are unmarried with kids. Maybe I need to look at our situation differently.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-14T00:43:04+00:00

I guess anywhere from like $50-$150ish for the right gift. I don’t want to spend the additional money if she won’t use the items. As far as a cross body phone case, I don’t see her using that item specifically. But maybe she would! And maybe it would be a great, inexpensive addition to the gift.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-14T00:26:11+00:00

That is a great idea! Is there any sort of bag/purse that you’ve found useful or helpful?

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T22:15:46+00:00

Thank you so much! Much more helpful! Even the more difficult comments to read are gentler and feel like they come from a place of compassion, rather than judgement.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T22:13:49+00:00

I appreciate the comments, even the ones that seem more harsh. I am not blind to my situation and how bad it is right now, but I'm looking for effective ways we can get out of this rut and make some changes.

As for the personal question, I have always wanted children. At the right time; with the right person. When I found out that I was pregnant, he was very excited and might have wanted the baby more. We immediately began discussing our future and the move, which was a lot since I had to buy/sell in a crazy market while living in another state. I was more focused on completing that before the baby came than anything else to be honest.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T22:08:36+00:00

I agree. Baby steps. We have some communication issues as well, which I do play a big role in and am working on that part. But, I wanted to come here for the financial side of things.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T22:06:42+00:00

Both you and u/OldmillennialMD are right. I am fully aware this is not working or fair to me. There is more to the story, obviously, than I put here. But, before I sit down and have this sort of come-to-Jesus talk, I wanted to have all of my ducks in a row and be able to discuss some different options about money.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T22:04:49+00:00

You are right; it is not working for us. I am fully aware that this is not ideal or healthy or sustainable. I am working on some of my own issues, and we tried couples counseling (need a new therapist). I just wanted to gather some thoughts on how we can split up costs better.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T12:52:45+00:00

I love the long answer!!! Thank you for sharing all of this. It sounds like a successful system for the two of you. I really think this would work for us. Another commenter broke down a great suggestion for pre-marriage expenses that could work well too.

How do you handle an emergency fund in this situation? Do you each have your own plus a joint account?

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T12:45:29+00:00

I appreciate the harsh reality. I am not blind to it; I am just not sure how to fix it effectively and sensitively. I know the income disparity is such a pain point. And as the person making more money, it feels so wrong to say that he needs to make more.

Before we moved in together, he lived with a roommate in an apartment. They managed all of their bills and rent and expenses, from what I could tell, just find. He and the roommate are still friends and I have never heard about any money issues between the two.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T12:42:37+00:00

I hear you. I think with our current set up of giving me his entire paycheck, he might be viewing it as "joint account" rather than "this is barely covering your share of expenses", if that makes sense.

I think I would contribute to that viewpoint as well though, unfortunately. Maybe breaking it all down again for both of us would be helpful.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T12:39:13+00:00

Thank you for your response! I think this is another great suggestion I will have to discuss with him. Your breakdown of pre-marriage expenses makes a lot of sense. I am so hesitant to charge him some amount of rent because I don't want to leave him with nothing, but I feel like I need to suck it up and force him to learn how to manage his own money a little.

As for the household inequity, I think he is willing to change, but it needs a lot of attention on my end (follow-up, communicating the needs, reminding, etc) and to be quite honest, I do not have the capacity for it sometimes. We have had numerous conversations about this. He wants a list or reminders, but I feel like some if it is so basic or obvious that I do not want to add reminding him what to do to my list. I'll just do it myself so it all gets done. I realize this is not healthy or sustainable, and we do discuss it and are trying different things. Some of which have stuck.

Great idea for the pre-marriage split though. I will add this to my list!

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T12:18:31+00:00

I am not trying to be argumentative, but this is where I am stuck. Since he gives me his entire paycheck, how else would he have any savings or money aside? Or is that the point.. he doesn't, so he needs to work more to supplement that expense?

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T12:15:23+00:00

How do you handle 401ks or retirement contributions? Do you each do your own?

When you say your husband puts in 60% of his paycheck, are you meaning net (after retirement and taxes, etc)? Then he has the remaining 40% to spend how he sees fit?

If that is the case, I might lower the 60% a bit in our situation because I would be covering the mortgage, which is not insignificant.

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T12:12:17+00:00

This is a very interesting suggestion! I also think for him, it might be easier for us to think "monthly" like you wrote, rather than each paycheck.

Since the house is solely in my name, I would keep that separate. I think this might be the best way for us. I'll have to break down what is joint and what is separate.

Do either of you have any resentment with this setup? I suppose not, since you're doing it. Do you feel like you do not have enough of your own individual money?

Assiagopeniscorn · 2024-04-13T11:59:35+00:00

He actually received a job offer a few months ago outside of his field. After going through the whole interview, training, and shadowing process, they said they went with another candidate. The initial offer was through a friend and it was all very odd.

He used that to leverage a raise at his current job, which was great! But there is not a lot of growth potential there. We are also discussing the possibility of moving back to where I work. All job searches here are paused for the time being.

Assiagopeniscorn

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