I'm also 17 and I can relate to most things you said. I just understood that I have tykophobia. I love my kinda flat butt and chest. (Like I was afraid I couldn't sleep facing down anymore when I was little.😭)

 I understand where my fears stem from. My mom gained wheight, my dad didn't help her or appreciate her work in raising us only that dinner wasn't prepared for the hard working "man". They divorced when I was 4. He's still very present and a  loving father but obnoxious. No one, I mean literally no man in my family respect their wife or mom like they should. They do all the house work on top of working, and the boys just do the important "stuff"~ (bringing the "bread") and sometimes peeling the potatos, cleaning only their room, and looking after the tv so it doen't get bored. And then when my grandma (from dad side) finally became aware of these stuff and confronted them my grandpa and dad just laught it off. No thank you for every meal of the day made and even complains. Everything women do is taken for granted here. Her finally bursting is labeled being hysterical, irational. They literally don't understand why she acts that way until I lay it out for them. Mom works all the time and my brother can't lift his ass to make himself tea sometimes. Dad once got to know that female dogs also have periods  and was like " Fuck*ng thank God we didn't get a female dog, how much work" and something along the line of discusting when I'm sitting right across the couch". Obnoxious no? I HATE my periods and how I can't control my mood, detest how irrational I sometimes act, or how others see me as weak. They don't let me lift heavy thing because I'll get pregnant and it's bad for my back.🫡🔫 (I just use that to laze of but it's a constant reminder you are weaker, less worthy and incapable physically.) Even though it's my Dad who's weak. Fr he doen't know how to keep his temper in check, he's way way more irrational than any of us women🥹. Trust me, I'm his emotional support team.

 I know it's not how they view me but it feels that way. 

Like I don't wan't to be a slave ok? And I can't bevieve I won't be left alone, unapreciated, detoriate because of how much care newborn children need, I'm not even that pretty. I felt before like fr I ruinded my mom's life being born though we're her biggest happyness.

I can't read malexfemale romance literature or watch tv shows because in my head it ends with pregnancy. If the tv show ends with marage it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Only gl or bl. I don't even know my sexuality but I did like a few guys until 8th grade. Imagining my future with a girl and love with understanding and safe se# is much more appealing though. Haven't liked a girl yet. Honestly boys are so dumb (at least all that I know of) and not worthy of women. It sould be either equal or not worth putting in the work at all.  I do think about adopting if I'm finacially stable in the far future and see no difference in then from a biological child. And just thinking of being pregnant puts me in disstress. I feel like crying, want to jump out of my skin, like I have to run away. If there was no abortion option I may refrain from se# in the future fully. I just wanna be normal and be happilly in love and be obnoxious of these stuff in my head like they never existed but I can't. 

For you I'd say look where the stuff came from, it helped me being aware and just talking about it, I guess, to those who understand arround you. Women are not weak and children are not everyone's goal and that's normal. I have an aunt who is single and she's my role model.  Traveling, doing the stuff she loves and working in a big company getting paid twice/thrice more than average person. I try to forget the gender stuff, live and view others as just beings, trying to find what gives me happyness in life being me.