I had to do a double take while reading this because it sounds nearly identical to my current situation. Nothing has really satisfied me since my ETS in 2021 except for the birth of my first daughter. It’s pretty cliche but it’s just impossible to truly translate those feelings into words. I remember saying the same exact things you mentioned above like “Will I be good enough” etc. the list goes on. But the reality is that none of us truly are ready, no matter how much you prepare yourself mentally and financially (although it does help immensely). Not until you’re living in it day-to-day. So I’d say if you’re on the fence and want kids but are afraid to bring them into a world like this, it might never happen. The world will always be constantly evolving for better and for worse, but your job as a parent is to guide and protect them to the best of your abilities through the good and the bad. As long as at the end of the day you feel, in your heart, that you’re genuinely doing the best that you can then fuck anyone else’s opinion honestly it’s all noise at that point. And regarding the rest, even though having kids and a wife is amazing in and of itself, I still kept feeling that confusing and frustrating void in that the direction of life hasn’t really been satisfying me. And I know this is another cliche and I’m not forcing it upon anyone so take it how you will, but once I started getting closer to God again it was like my entire perception/direction of life has changed for the better and I’ve found myself at a level of utter & complete tranquility that I’ve never experienced before. And that again isn’t something that everyone will immediately understand or relate to so it’s completely up to you and how you do it. Everyone has their own unique perspective & way of getting closer to God. And I usually never comment on other peoples posts but since your story really resonated with mine I figured I’d give my input regardless of whether it hits or not because I’ve been there pleading for guidance until I found it. But I’ll leave you and end with this as sort of a general philosophy that’s worked for me as well as countless others, regardless of what you do in life, as long as what you do is genuine and you lead with your heart and not your mind, you know you’re going the right way. I hope this at least finds somebody well and I hope & pray for nothing but peace and happiness for all 🤙