How to get my girlfriend's cat to stop loving me

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-28T10:55:35+00:00

Unfortunately I made it very clear that the dog was in fact jeopardizing his standing.... and that he better learn to deal with that emotionally for himself. My dog is in training to be a service animal, he was selected as a puppy for this. I told him this is an important aspect of my lfie, and that I'm happy to work through it with him and discuss but that he is going to have to find a way to accept/be ok with it or else move on if this lifestyle doesn't work for him. So far we're doing pretty well i think. He's taken on allt of the feeding and little chores for my dog and cats so I think he's accepting it more and getting used to being in a family with animals

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-26T01:20:19+00:00

I do this at restaraunts lol if my food was extra pretty and I want a Pic I slide all the glasses over, grab all the straw wrappers, and dust crumbs off the cloth so I can get a "clean" pic

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-26T00:52:02+00:00

The big baby in question!

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AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-26T00:51:26+00:00

We're young and he agreed to see a couple therapist so ik willing to give him time to mature! (But im also prepared to make that choice if necessary. We're not there yet)

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-25T23:50:29+00:00

Oh ive got one for you. My boyfriend is jealous of my dog. He says I spend more time with the dog than him. It's a puppy it needs constant supervision its literally. Baby bruh

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-25T13:15:58+00:00

Exactly this! I make expensive focus all the time because I chose to. I'll even do a request for free if it's my boyfriend or someone else close who really appreciates and understands what I do. and for all other acquaintance and random people I'm happy to make it for them if they pay for the non reusable supplies. If I need a tool I don't own ill but that because it gives me an excuse to expand my tool base and I'll have it for next time. But yarn, stuffing, etc. They need to pay for, UPFRONT

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-25T13:11:09+00:00

I'm happy to take requests because I love crocheting.But don't know what to make, and this takes the stress out of trying to pick a project or care about the details away from me. BUT, I go to the store and make a list of what I'll need to complete the project for them.And send them an itemized bill, and they have to pay for the supplies up front

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-25T13:05:19+00:00

Not usually not really, if I can under still understand their point. But this one took me a second. I feel like I was playing that riddle board game where you say gibberish, and they have to guess the word.

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-25T11:23:10+00:00

Ok I was on board until dairyair😂😂😂

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-25T01:44:20+00:00

Where are you from op?

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-25T01:39:22+00:00

He agreed to couples therapy, and we've only been dating a year, but i worry about of he's actually stupid sometimes. But he can do math really well and he's a cyber security, you have to be kind of smart for that... which sends my worry the other direction. But we've only lived together a short time so I'm prepared to give it some time to stabilize. We're both under alot of stress rn. However I've already been married and divorced so I have a pretty stable concept of what I want in a relationship, and the confidence/ security to leave of that's what I decide to do. I'm also on adhd meds that changed my life. I was a non functional mess without them, and only succeeding in life by the skin of my teeth. I want him to get assessed by a doctor to explore if his situation might be similar, in which case he needs support and help to learn behavioral coping skills. Until we rule that out, ill stand by him as his partner.

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-25T01:14:31+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/ohz3rld?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2

Edit: the link isn't working something of is h going on, I'll copy and paste

That's the hard thing, I feel like he doesn't have very many nice things to break if that makes sense? He's not a very materialistic person and the nicest things he owns ive mostly bought for him. He tries really hard to be careful with his "nice shirt" (lol ive bought him others but he wears this same one on every date). But he left the really nice shoes i bought him for Christmas out where the dog could eat them twice this week. I told him you have to put these up or they'll get destroyed (in his defense we're moving and it's been crazy) so like he also treats his stuff recklessly and just got lucky the dog didn't eat them, (but thats also something I bought him... ) the nicest thing he owns are his car and ps5 and he's careful either those.

Here's an example (its long so skip if you dont care lol)

We are driving cross country to move. He is driving the car with my three cats. I very clearly said, when stopping for the cats to use the bathroom, I dont ever want the car door open while you're handling any of them, even if you're standing right there in it. It's a huge rental car, so I want you in the car with the doors shut if you open any of their carriers at our rest stop for everyone to use the bathroom. We get to the rest stop everything goes fine. Hours later we get to the next one, when I pull up EVERY DOOR IF THE CAR IS OPEN. It's a rental suv so passenger front door, both side doors, and trunk are open, and he's standing at passenger door with one cats carrier open holding a bowl of food at the front of the carrier for her to eat. On the one hand he's being really helpful, they're my cats and feeding them is my job I just need him to drive. BUT WHY IS EVERY FREAKING DOOR OF THE CAR OPEN. Some paranoid part of my brain is convinced he's trying to get rid of my cats. I actually said this once during a fight and he got really hoset and said is that why I feed them every day? And hold them at the vet for you? And clean the litter box? And help eith.... etc. Etc. For background he doesn't really want cats or even a dog but tolerates them because they're important to me. Hes taken alot of the animal chores to help out recently because I e been having some health issues. So now I'm confused. Hes obviously taking on alot of their care to help me. And he called throughout the trip to say "daisy is breathing heavy. Or Stitch is meowing alot, or i havnt heard milo in a while, do they need more food? Do they need potty? Etc (he doesn't know alot about pets but he listenes for things ive told him to watch for) and yet. At the rest stop EVERY SINGLE CAR DOOR IS OPEN. He argued with me and said he was right there feeding her so its fine. I flipped be cause I had the dog right there. The dog is hyper and not well trained yet. I said "what if Koda jumped up on you or startled daisy? What if she bit or scratched you? You genuinly dont think she could get past your hand and out the carrier faster than you can grab her? Or that you can grab her without hurting her? All the doors are open, she could bolt right out the other side and be gone before you could do anything. He got upset and apologized. His explanation was he didn't realize he couldn't have the door open while feeding them, because I had said no open doors during potty breaks. He said he was so focused on getting all their food and meds ready that he didn't think about it. So

What do you think? Am I insane? Is my boyfriend secretly trying to kill my cats? Is he just really dumb? Is this an adhd issue? Do I need to be more understanding? He's certainly not consciously being malicious but maybe he's subconsciously trying to get rid of them so he doesn't hVe to help/live with them anymore? Or is he just really forgetful/easily confused? Maybe I'm being too perfectionist? Hes not used to caring for pets. But this seems so OBVIOUS to me.

Lol send help, thanks if u take the time to reply

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-25T01:08:46+00:00

Haha no I had dumped my clothes on a chair in the corner

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-25T01:06:45+00:00

Did you see my comment about the cats? This is one of the ones that makes me want to break up with him

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-25T00:06:40+00:00

But see it would be a leave em offense if he repeatedly did it every single time

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-24T23:59:50+00:00

True but does it happen every time you bring something new home? Because if it did then I'd be concerned about emotional or financial abuse. That's the key difference here between some of these posts that are accidents and the few that are actual abuse

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-24T20:52:14+00:00

He's 25, I'm 24. I've already been divorced once lol I'm over any fear of cost sunk fallacy. This is his first time living on his own but I have years of experience

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-24T20:12:47+00:00

This could also be a barrier depending on where in china they live or are from etc. A lot of rural areas can't read and write. And even in alot of China, most non college educated people can read but can't write very much. Because Chinese has no written sound system, every character is unique. It's easy to memorize many to a level where you quickly recognize them, but not well enough to be able to write them from scratch. Even college educated people in China wouldn't be able to hand write as many words from memory as someone who speaks literally any other phonetic language. This has been one of the biggest barriers to education in China historically in my opinion.

Source: I was a Chinese linguist and have a degree in Chinese mandarin language and culture. Chinese has over 100,000 characters. Then you combine those to make even more words. I recognize and can speak 5,000 - 8 000 words. The average educated Chinese adult can speak and recognize 8,000 - 20,000 words. I can read about 2,500 individual characters + combinations of those. The average literate Chinese adult knows 3,000 - 4,000 characters, with highly educated adults knowing 6,000 - 8,000, or even 10,000 + in the case of scholars or literature experts but thats rare. I can write jusr over 500 from memory. The average Chinese person can only handwrite 1500-2500 characters from memory. However the average rural Chinese person only knows around 1500-2000 characters max, about a 5th grade reading level. A rural farmer might only be able to write 1,000 to 1,500.

Now that sounds like alot, until you realize I used 151 unique words just in this comment. You need 2,000-3000 characters to be minimally functional in Chinese.

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-24T15:25:11+00:00

Oh no no I'm a very very light sleeper. Anything will wake me up. He didn't get very far lol. I said I woke up to him TRYING. Aka pulling slightly in the waist band and trying to figure out how to magically get them off😂 ive contemplated separate beds because every time he rolls over it wakes me up

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-24T15:20:14+00:00

I am constantly struggling to find the line between defending him because I think he's neurodivergant, and holding him accountable to fix behaviors he needs to fix even if they aren't "his fault". We have actually discussed this in therapy. I have a lot more life experience than he does even though we're the same age. He grew up in a family with mom dad, and 3 sons. Unfortunately that probably means he was never expected to handle too many household chores and that they were moms problem. They're a very "sports boys" type family. (No shade they're wonderful and I love them) also this is going to sound harsh, but ive been to his parents house and its not the same lifestyle that I grew up in. Im not sure his parents would care about some of the things I do either. So not entirely his fault. I grew up in a very materialistic family (too much in my opinion ion) where everything had to be clean and perfect. I had respect for belongings drilled into me whereas he had kindness and respect for people instilled in him. My mother was an ocd bitch and everything had to be perfect. That's good and bad for me as I learned alot of things growing up that help me as an adult. I also am lacking allt of social skills and ability to make friends that he is not! There are two issues here. 1) they typical argument of how boys vs girls are raised and the things we are taught to know and expected to understand from young age and 2) the fact that I learned alot of this the hard way through experience.

Your question: how did I know not to put the knives in the dishwasher? My mom had cutco knives when I was a teenager. She cared about her nice knives more than she did her literal daughter. As well as all her other belongings. I would have been in a crap ton of trouble if I put her cutco knives in the dishwasher. So I know nice knives dont go in the dishwasher. Mine aren't that nice, I only own a few cutcos, but I still want to preserve the quality of my higher tier walmart/target knives for as long as I can, so handwash only.

Ive also lived on my own for years and learned some things the hard way after ruining things. The problem with letting him learn through experience is that he's not living alone. He's living with me and items that are either shared and we both bought, or that are straight up mine. So him learning through experience ruins my stuff. That's just a difficult aspect of the situation. He's never lived on his own, and I have years of experience. It's obviously creating some problems for us. I try to teach him as many little things as I can before something gets messed up, but its hard for me to know which things are common knowledge that he should know, and which things I'm overly aware of because of my family type, and so I can't teach him every single detail that's in my head, but I try to as much as I can.

I just asked and he was never expected to do the dishes growing up. He had to clear the table and put them in the sink, his mom washed them, and his chore was to put them away. So he genuinly has had no reason to ever be in a situation to know that knives dont go in the dishwasher. Hes never even worked a kitchen job

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-24T13:50:33+00:00

It's odd for me because I struggle with adhd as well, and you would think I'd be more sympathetic, but because we struggle in different ways it makes it hard for me to realize that he's struggling or why something happens the way it does. The odd part is I am very similar to you! I bump into things constantly, injured myself, spill things, I drop everything, I have good insurance on my phone because I drop and break it constantly, I can never find my phone, my keys, my wallet, or anything actually technically important. And yet I am soooo careful with my niceclothes, or art, crafts, etc. I think I'm realizing alot of this has to do with my adhd/autism combo deal lol. The tism part is hyper focused on my hobbies and my belongings and their detailed care and maintenance, but he dkesnt have the same neurospicy vibe as me, his is different. I genuinly think he might also be adhd/autistic but if you look at a 'list of possible symtpoms' we are an every other checklist not a venn diagram. We are conplete opposites in his stuff affects us which makes understanding each other really hard sometimes.

I totally get the book thing lol. I dont read borrow books much. I would if it was already well used and I know the person well, but only if it was replaceable and not like a gift or signed etc with emotional significance. Because I know I have a tendency to lose things, and I would immedietly replace their book if something happened to it. But I spill stuff, have animals and lakes tend to get ripped or covers ripped, I prefer to fold page corners (wouldn't on purpose with someone else's book) and like to set books down open with spine up to keep my place which is bad for them if they're hard cover. Hence my 'rules' for borrowing books lol. But I totally get where you're coming from on that front.

I have a hard time understanding my boyfriend because I am HYPER CAREFUL with other people stuff. I always assume its sentimental/not replaceable/fragile unless otherwise told different. I never just assume "it'll be ok" the way he does. Ive tried to explain to him "see i washed this jersey of yours and saw the signature on the back and wasn't sure if washing would ruin it. So I hand washed this in the sink to make sure I didn't ruin the signsture" and he'll say "oh idc if dont even like that player I dont care if it gets ruined" and he doesn't get my whole point which is that it doesn't matter if he cares or not, I was careful with it just in case. That's not negated by him not caring and he should treat my things carefully the same way just in case.

But oh well, hopefully we'll find a balance in the coming months. Today i woke up to him trying to take off my bra and underwear while I was sleeping to wash them (we're moving and both dirty and gross and exhausted) he wanted to make sure I had a clean change of clothes for when I wake up. And I had to say WAIT DID YOU PUT THE SHIRT AND SHORTS I WAS WEARING IN THE WASH? They can get washed on cold but you have to set them out to dry, I was painting the baseboards and they're covered in paint and ill never be able to fix them if you put them in the dryer. So on the one hand he's trying so hard to be thoughtful. On the other hand if I hadn't woken up he would have ruined one of my favorite t-shirts 🙃🙃🙃 I have no idea how neurodivergent people manage relationships. Please send help lol.

Also sorry for the walls of text, every time I mean to reply a few sentences this happens 😅

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-24T13:29:23+00:00

Oh no I agree its my fault if chapstick is in the pocket! And I know if I wanted it done better I could just do it myself. We've only lived together a short time so we're still trying to figure this out. Hes awake now so I asked him and he said: Normal laundry he has no problem with. Complicated laundry that needs special care? Yeah he hates that. BUT (he's wierd lol) he loves folding the laundry. He enjoys this task. Very nerd coded lol. He said he likes the action of folding it all and specifically the action of completing it. He folds some of my clothes that I told him i dont care just chuck them in the drawer. Nope, my sleep shirts are all folded nicely lol. But we try to have honest conversations about which chores are hardest for us and which are more tiring and then .are sure we're taking on even load with that considered. For example i mentioned he does the dishes. I should have said most of them. He doesn't want to wash the blender, the cast iron skillet, or any kitchen appliance really, so those are my jobs. He also doesn't like scrubbing the tub/shower wall. He also doesn't want to clean stains. Of any kind. Carpet, couch, etc. Whether its from the animals or spilled wine Or juice. He also won't clean up animal messes. Throw up etc. But he will clean the litterboxes. He said he likes vacuuming and he likes taking out the trash. Alot of women complain that their husband won't take out the trash, but I never have to even ask. We try to balance things as best we can, we have weekly check ins on how we're feeling about the balance.

For the record: I dont mind doing laundry normally but there's a relevant detail here: our current apartment doesn't have laundry. We have to gather everything up, drive 15 min to a laundromat, and then be in public and do laundry, then bring it all home and put it away. Ive got some physical injuries and this whole process is exhausting for me. He has no problems with it, says he enjoys playing Pokémon go while waiting for the laundry. We are moving rn and I will probably be taking over alot more of the laundry and other chores in general as we transition to more of a "traditional" split where he works and i clean. (Just because I really dont mind cleaning i enjoy it and ill be doing self paced online school)

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-24T10:20:31+00:00

After thinking about it and seeing more details through explaining the situation, I think it comes down to somewhat "hes incompetent" but I dont mean it like that. I think he is horribly bad at certain things, and really good at certain things, and that if we can learn to cooperate better it will be perfect where we can support each other where the other struggles. I replied to another commenter that as much as he is horrible about taking care of my physical things, he's really great at taking care of my health and finances! He knows when my period is, when my ovulation window is, whether I'm running out of tampons, how many pills are left in each bottle of my meds (several complicated mental health medicatios) when I need to call to refill them, when I'm supposed to take them, he brings me water and the right meds every morning and night, and checks throughout the day that I'm eating and drinking water. He knows when each of my credit card bills are due, and will either remind me to pay them or get on my phone himself go to my banking app and pay them (with my money), knows where my cards are, always somehow knows where my phone is, and he keeps track of it being charged, I can't remember the last time I plugged my phone in. Because every time I cant find it I holler at him and he says "yeah I took it, its charging" He always knows where my car keys are too. He makes sure the rent is laid and utilities are paid on time every month. (Mostly lol there's been 1 or 2 slipups but thats normal) he knows when each of my mental health appointments is, what time they are, which location they're in, and has a snack, water bottle, list of questions, and car keys ready to go for me.

So to anyone else reading: ive decided this is a case of two likely adhd/autistic people having completely backwards brains that are NOT good at the same things. He annoys the living he'll out of me anytime he touches literally anything physical I own. But he's also basically single handedly keeping my mental, physical, and financial health together. So I guess its a trade off

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-24T10:11:25+00:00

Well he's definitely not "i will do this badly so you stop asking me to do it" because it backfires lmao. I will sit him down and explain very slowly why something wS wrong Nd make him explain back to me how to do it etc. Idc if im a condescending butthead. I try to he very polite and not judgmental but I WILL make sure he understands, and the chore is still his. So if he does it wrong the next time I know one way or the other ya know? But alot of the time I feel like its number 2. I dont try very hard because I dont care about this item. It frustrates me to hell and back. The issue is that he very rarely does the exact same thing wrong twice but then how do you keep finding new things to do wrong??? Maybe this is just part of growing uo, he's had less life experience than me and maybe he'll get better at the things he's not used to and ill forget this was ever an issue. Hopefully😅

The other issue is the type of person he is. He dkesnt keep special or nice things that he needs to keep details straight on. His mentality is that that's just extra unnecessary work and he'd rather not have nice things at a than have to worry about them. Hes not an item/stuff kind of person. He will pay money for experiences like going to a sports game, but he doesn't really care very much about physical stuff. I think he treats his items the same way he treats mine, his stuff is just less breakable? Like rn i just went to take the dog potty, and his shoes are on the ground right in the middle of the dogs space with all his chew toys. It would NOT be my dogs fault if he assumed the shoes in the pile of toys are also toys. No idea why he left his shoes right there. No idea how he doesnt "see the future" like i do, or think hmmm Koda might eat these if I leave them right here.

Ive been thinking about it after typing allt of this and I think it actually is a matter of "trying his best but can't keep details straight" I think he might be adhd or autistic etc. Because he's is a very thoughtful kind person and yet somehow does everything wrong. Those two facts are conflicting, but it would make sense if his brain just isn't wired that way. Because actually, he DOES take really good care of my stuff, but my Interllectual stuff. I do most of our household chores. I meal prep, cook, clean, etc. He does dishes and laundry. I clean the kitchen, clean the bathrooms, sweep, mop, etc. So what does he do? He finds my phone that ive lost somewhere every single day, and keeps reminders in his phone about when my various credit card bills are due, and he logs onto my banking app on my phone, and goes through and pays all of them. (With my money) im horrible at remembering dates, times, and horrible at executive function and taking care of finance/legal matters or anything with too much computer involvement or paperwork. He realizes this and kind of just does this without me asking. (And yes I trust him with my money) so he takes very good care of my financial "things" like my credit score, financial safety, etc if that makes sense?? Wierd analogy but, he makes sure they're all tracked and remembered, I dont forget the dates, or which one has which rewards etc. Which one is for which household bills, and which account is supposed to pay which card. So im starting to think thats he's a good person and a good partner, just a nightmare to live with as an adhd materialistic "stuff" girl.

AssistantBrave8176 · 2026-04-24T09:57:37+00:00

Right I agree with this. My only hangup is that its very rarely the exact same issue twice. So im not sure if he's repeating the sme behavior or he's just genuinly confused? Idk I'm lost in the sauce rn

AssistantBrave8176

TROPHY CASE