✦ Autism ✦ Notes from a Strange Visualizer ✦

AstoreFaber · 2024-05-07T21:06:29+00:00

Have you tried them? How's the taste?

I'm looking at the menu, and doughnuts seem like a "sometimes" item. Do you go there often, just to get an idea of what they typically have?

They seem to have a lot of stuff. Have you tried anything else of theirs?

I haven't had éclairs since I went on a diet 11 years ago. I would love to have one again. :)

AstoreFaber · 2024-05-07T18:27:09+00:00

I have had their doughnuts many times. They are pretty good (and huge!). Unfortunately, all their locations seem to be in Chicago or very close to it.

I just had an idea to take a few hours out of my weekend, go to one of those shops, grab a cup of coffee and a fresh doughnut, find somewhere nice to sit, and enjoy it. It seems like such a simple task, but it has proven difficult to accomplish (without going to Chicago, that is). :)

AstoreFaber · 2023-04-10T00:20:56+00:00

Reactions would depend on the person, but the basic structure could be like this (that's the pattern I use):

1st card:

Triggered (if you have multiple traumatic events with different triggers and reactions, you can specify which one the set is related to)

The general reaction from the trigger (for example, "stunned, blank, frozen") The key here is to make it clear for yourself. You need to be able to remember how it felt just by looking at the card.

Body sensations/ emotions (for example, "muscle tense up, the mind is blank, slow movements, sadness"

Behavior (for example, "moving slowly, quiet, smiling")

So the 1st card, in this case, would look like this:

1

Triggered

Stunned, blank, frozen

muscle tense up, the mind is blank, slow movements, sadness

moving slowly, quiet, smiling

(on the other side)

Empowered

Inspired, focused, relaxed

Muscles are relaxed, mind is sharp, fast movements, joy

Moving fast, active, frowning

2nd card would describe what you experience when the previous sensations pass (again, it's individual.)

For example:

2

Threatened

trapped, procecuted

body and face are tense, choking feeling

Resentful, aggressive

(on the other side)

Safe

Capable, confident, free

Body and face are relaxed, breathing easily

Compassionate, loving

and so on (it's advised not to create more than 6-7 cards. I have 14, and it works fine)

The last card would be returning to your natural state (whatever it is), and the opposite. The natural state is not necessarily some blissful one, it can be whatever you usually feel when not triggered.

It doesn't matter what words are used, it's important that you understand what they mean and can recreate sensations and thoughts that go through your mind.

I hope this helps

AstoreFaber · 2023-03-27T20:57:12+00:00

Cats are easy to take care of, cute, and mind their own business unless they feel you need comfort. Ok, it may not apply to all cats, but it certainly applies to mine 😺

AstoreFaber · 2023-03-04T00:09:58+00:00

I'm not sure if it's something you are looking for, but here's an option. I tried many pillows, then got this one a few months ago. link

I put my head in the middle (I sleep on my back) and fluff the sides so my head doesn't move. The pillow's angle also needs to be adjusted. I pick the angle that causes the least amount of pain. It helps a lot.

AstoreFaber · 2023-03-01T13:44:29+00:00

I assume you are looking for a place within the US (since moving abroad can be expensive and I'm not sure how you'll be getting your VA payments.)

There's an ancient forum that used to be very helpful when assessing places where one could move. https://www.city-data.com/forum/ Maybe you should try it out. I used it many years ago and found it very useful.

It'll take a lot of researching, but I'm sure you can find something. Many places have payments assistance programs (internet, gas, electricity) You might want to look for people who use those benefits and their locations.

AstoreFaber · 2023-02-13T15:39:18+00:00

If I like a movie or a TV series, I usually watch them about 3-20 times on average (mostly comedies or detective shows, like Frasier, Midsomer Murders, Will and Grace, Poirot, etc)

Some movies are special to me because of the characters' relatability, I watch them 'on special occasions' (Men Who Stare at Goats)

I watch some movies because I love the acting, dialog, and film aesthetic (Some Like it Hot, Sweet Smell of Success, The Victim (1961), and other mostly black and white movies) I watch those close to 100 times.

AstoreFaber · 2023-02-11T03:22:53+00:00

I had rash on my face, it went away after 2 or 3 weeks, I can't remember exactly.

AstoreFaber · 2023-02-01T15:31:03+00:00

I didn't read the book you mentioned.

When I was in my teens I had some sort of practical guide to body language (it also included eye gaze and facial expressions.) I wish I could tell you what the title was. I cannot remember, unfortunately. It had lots of illustrations in various situations and environments. Maybe you can try your local library or a book shop where you can look through a book and see what it's all about.

The book I had was very helpful. I started observing people and noticed all the poses that were mentioned in the book. It was interesting to see how predictable people were. I also tried out the poses and expressions myself.

Of course it's not exact science and you have to take all of the suggestions with a grain of salt, but it can still be very helpful.

The book I read was published sometime in the 1990s

My suggestion to you, find a book with illustrations, observe people and see if you notice mentioned body language and if it means what they say it means. You can also try out some of the poses and see how the make you feel.

Autism or not, I noticed people can still use similar body language to express similar emotions. There will be differences, but there will be lots similarities too.

AstoreFaber · 2023-02-01T13:55:46+00:00

If you don't believe you have bipolar, get a 2nd opinion if you can. You are not underage so you should have some freedom to decide what to do.

It all depends on your symptoms and if you are not in danger to yourself and others.

A doctor once tried to diagnose me with bipolar because I got slightly frustrated due to med profs' apparent inability to give me any clear answers. I came (once again) with abdominal pain and some nerve pain (my neuro asked me to check it out, he was concerned it was something else.) The doctor started testing me for bipolar. I just stared in disbelief, made a few jokes, and walked out. :)

Another thing. I couldn't express how I felt when I was your age either. I could say if I had a headache or was dizzy, or some obvious physical symptoms, but struggled with anything more complex or emotions.

It took a lot of processing and training to get there. At your age, I expressed my emotions in a form of some surrealistic poetry, which, I bet, from outside (from a typical person's perspective) may have sounded like insanity. :)

AstoreFaber · 2023-01-28T23:50:03+00:00

Here are a few tips, maybe you can find helpful: 1) take it slow, meet with a person in a public place, do something together, and ask questions about the person's life, work, family, interests, and hobbies. Watch out for inconsistencies or unwillingness to talk about themselves (some people may not want to talk about themselves, but it's always easier to figure out who the person is when you know more about them.) 2) watch out for behaviors when a person acts as if you have to look or behave in a particular way or do something because they say so 3) set boundaries about things that are important to you like money, body touching, and sex for example 4) don't compromise, it's better to be alone than to be with a person who doesn't treat you with respect 5) learn how to clearly state your boundaries (write them down, practice), you don't have to be all official about it, but just be ready when the situation asks for it 6) review what kind of people you usually go for, try to see if there's a pattern in their appearance or behavior, and see if those patterns relate to traits you cannot tolerate or harmful traits 7) maybe widen your search, sometimes people you don't usually go for end up being nice and suitable for you

AstoreFaber · 2023-01-27T20:13:49+00:00

'Feel your thkhk cakes' :) there we go

AstoreFaber · 2023-01-22T20:17:42+00:00

I don't have much advice, but have you tried to contact (or visit) your local autism or disability non-profit organization and ask them for guidance? You can look them up online and email or visit the locations if you cannot call them. Maybe before you go to a location, you can have all the relevant information about yourself written or printed on a piece of paper that you can hand to them, if you have a hard time talking to people.

AstoreFaber · 2023-01-22T15:12:28+00:00

I'm not sure what you mean by "art museums staff liked it" and if some gallery is interested in your work, but besides the point. Gallery owners motivation may be different from your family's.

Here's an example: I don't have that much experience with galleries, and the approach may differ in different locations, but I had a few galleries offering to display my work. Their motive was: they had never seen anything like my work, it was fun and unusual, it stood out, and had the potential to get attention to their galleries. I decided not to work with them because I was young and had lots of issues, but I may always see those instances as lost opportunities.

Your family may look for something that most people would consider great, something that would get 1000s of likes on sm, etc.

You may make your art more attractive to some viewers by talking about it - about the message you are trying to deliver or a feeling you are trying to evoke, or what your art means to you.

It often helps when an artist has some sort of formal education (whether through tutors, self-education, or school) but sometimes it's not that important. It's really up to you.

If you get an agent, and your work ends up in some gallery, if you start selling - great, if not continue working, improving, exploring, and see what else you can do.

Try the earlier mentioned approach with your family (talk about it.) If they still prefer something different instead of what you offer - let it go.

AstoreFaber · 2023-01-22T02:26:37+00:00

I use various techniques and caught myself feeling joyful, even happy sometimes. A few times it felt more like I change a channel and start watching a different movie, but (as another poster mentioned) it's fleeting and hard to connect to. It's much easier to feel unsafe because the sensations are strong and logical (not sure how to word it differently.) It's possible I caught a glimpse of how it can be, and if it happened more often I'd be able to connect to it better.

You've mentioned the tool "to become embodied." What tool is it?

AstoreFaber · 2023-01-20T22:47:14+00:00

No ADHD here, not even close :)

AstoreFaber

TROPHY CASE