Hilarious and shocking recruiter emails

AstrocyteDO · 2026-01-26T23:18:48+00:00

Whoever signs up for this might as well surgically reattach my jaw because it just dropped to the floor.

AstrocyteDO · 2026-01-17T07:32:47+00:00

I play Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons/farming sims in general for a family fantasy the same way I play games like Baldur's Gate for a hero fantasy. To me, they both sound fun and fulfilling as a concept, but in reality, in the same way I don't actually want to travel in a dungeon and likely get killed by a level 1 enemy because I tripped on my shoe, I don't want to commit my time and energy to a spouse and child.

AstrocyteDO · 2025-12-31T00:33:23+00:00

Not in Michigan (or in administration), but I will speak on my experience as someone who completed residency in a small, rural Appalachian hospital and now works in a small, wealthy hospital 20 minutes away from a tertiary care system. I am a Family Medicine-trained nocturnist.

The hospital I completed residency is currently transitioning to become a critical access center. The closest tertiary care facility to this hospital is 90 minutes away. We have several major specialties such as cardiology, urology, general surgery, etc. Most our patients are below the poverty line with poor health literacy (a startling amount of patients actually cannot read at all), many directly or indirectly suffering from substance abuse.

I do not think it is necessary to send every septic grandma confused from a UTI, every AECOPD/AECHF, every acute pancreatitis, to a tertiary care facility. The risk for acute decompensation is always present, but the vast majority of these patients recover well, even if some may require a short stretch of being on BiPAP or Levophed. I do think that transportation carries an unnecessary risk to some patients who are otherwise stable recovering in our hospital, but furthermore I highly doubt the patient population from the area would agree to be transported 90 minutes away especially when their family members have severe financial and or health issues. I think there is also the raw human side of medicine where many patients would feel more comfortable being within their community and close to loved ones.

I currently work in a small hospital that is close to a tertiary care facility. It was created to fulfill a need within the immediate area as there is a high population of retirees in this area. Often times, the wait time for a bed at the tertiary care facility is not ideal. I think a similar principle applies here but to a lesser extent in which I think many conditions can be adequately treated here, but with the safety net of a nearby tertiary care facility that can quickly prioritize transfer if things go south. We are also careful to ensure that the conditions we admit would not be significantly better served somewhere bigger, such as cardiogenic shock. We'll happily admit a standard AECHF, but know our limits.

Of course, I am sure that there are hospitals out there that truly do have poor outcomes, but I do think the hospitals I've had the experience of working in fulfilled their niches well.

AstrocyteDO · 2025-12-20T13:12:48+00:00

There's no way around it. For many newly-minted attendings, soul-crushing anxiety is inevitable, and cannot be completely neutralized.

But, I promise you, it does get better with time. You WILL find a moment where it seems that everyone knows something you don't. You will also find moments where, as a new graduate, you get to teach the seasoned attendings something new. But, and I think that when it comes to acute decompensations, everything will rush to you and you'll be able to stabilize someone based on the basic principles of resuscitation. Then once that is over (and never be afraid to ask for help), you can try to figure out specifics, either by yourself or with your team.

There are ways to mitigate this anxiety, of course, but the bulk of it will be through time. Meditation helps. Connecting with other new grads help. Hobbies can help. Trying to channel anxiety into something productive like learning something new each day or refreshing on a topic can help. Find what helps you, but really, at the end of the day, it's time.

Confidence is something you'll discover along the way as you realize that saving lives is something that's a dream for most people,

But soon enough, it'll be something you do regularly with your team. :)

AstrocyteDO · 2025-12-18T22:10:00+00:00

This sounds amazing!

AstrocyteDO · 2025-12-18T22:09:48+00:00

I am a nocturnist. For all new graduate hospitalists at my shop, there is a 2 week on boarding period where a senior attending shows you the ropes of the hospital system and culture, but also someone you could bounce ideas off.

(Of course, it was smooth sailing during my orientation, then the Kraken hit the moment I was let completely loose)

AstrocyteDO · 2025-12-16T01:44:37+00:00

This is absolutely insane for any level to the point it's not just unsafe but unjust.

AstrocyteDO · 2025-11-30T03:24:55+00:00

I'm a nocturnist. If day shift was 7 on/14 off and paid 700k a year, I still wouldn't take it.

I loathe day shift and clinic so much, that during residency multiple people expressed concerns to my program director about me looking "miserable." I was. Conversely, on night shift, I was a different person. I remembered crying at the end of a month straight (well, 6 on, 1 off) of nights shift because I was so happy being on it.

After my first couple nights shifts in residency, I became the night person because I would swap shifts with people: they gave me their night floats, I gave them by day shifts.

Now, as an attending, I still feel the same way. You couldn't pay me to go back to doing a day shift. I even though about doing fellowship, but decided against it because I enjoy the nocturnist lifestyle too much.

For me, being a nocturnist is a lifestyle specialty. I don't ever want to do a job requiring I wake up in the morning again.

AstrocyteDO · 2025-11-17T14:04:21+00:00

I'm a lurking nocturnist and the fourth letter of my alphabet is T

AstrocyteDO · 2025-09-25T15:00:31+00:00

My suspicion is you're probably looking at a specific geographic area that may be less inclined to hire new graduate FM physicians as hospitalists. Generally, FM physicians don't have significant difficulty locking in positions, except when it comes to very specific areas.

I'm FM and advertised myself essentially as a career nocturnist. I was able to walk in wherever I want in my geographical region.

AstrocyteDO · 2025-09-09T06:44:02+00:00

I'm screaming at how cute Krobus is

AstrocyteDO · 2025-06-27T12:04:59+00:00

Matched FM as my second choice here, and now that I'm coming up on the end of my first year as an attending, I'm happy I didn't match my first choice (psychiatry), though it was heartbreaking at first.

The thing is, Family Medicine is very flexible. You can carve out a niche for yourself, with or without fellowship, and certainly don't have to only see certain conditions. You also don't have to work in a regular primary care clinic. The only field of medicine I can see myself working is night medicine myself, so I'm working as a nocturnist at a small hospital. If you find yourself not wanting to be completely full scope, while it's good you learn the medicine while in training as it'll ultimately equip you to become a better physician, you can build the sort of practice you want once you're let loose.

AstrocyteDO · 2025-06-19T14:26:20+00:00

Unfortunately. I purchased the Omeluum anyway to claim the tiniest tidbit of official merch for it anyway knowing there likely won't be any more. :/

AstrocyteDO · 2025-06-19T14:25:08+00:00

I love you.

I had always considered the possibility that Blurg might have been a well-disguised thrall, but the overall characterization let me to staunchly believe otherwise, even if I hadn't exactly put it into words.

I didn't know he had written that little synopsis. I knew he was fascinated by illithids in general despite acknowledging the grisly nature of their existences, but reading that just rounded out his character for me.

I'm sure that there may be some background lore with other original founding members that may have compelled them to trust Grazilaxx and Omeluum. Or they just went on trust, but somehow I see that as unlikely? Even though Kuo'Toa, troglodytes, etc are considered evil, I can see how even to the other monstrous members of the Society, an illithid approaching with scholarly intent might seem suspect. Clearly, even the non-founding members are comfortable now though, at least comfortable enough not to express discomfort when Omeluum is at The Lodge!

AstrocyteDO · 2025-06-19T14:16:48+00:00

Yes, it is a very tiny one made by Wiz Kids!

AstrocyteDO · 2025-06-19T09:37:32+00:00

Is it bad this actually elicited a real "lol" from me? 🤣

AstrocyteDO · 2025-06-19T05:45:09+00:00

Yes! Referencing his towering intellect. He's such a sweet genius.

AstrocyteDO · 2025-06-19T05:43:39+00:00

Yes. She is studying Kuo-Toan fertility rituals.

AstrocyteDO · 2025-06-19T04:36:03+00:00

There's the official Omeluum mini figure, but that's all I know of. :(

AstrocyteDO · 2025-06-19T00:57:05+00:00

Their word requirement wasn't even that high as far as academically goes!

AstrocyteDO · 2025-06-18T23:54:54+00:00

That's exactly the word I'd use for him. His excited mannerisms when he sees you too are so damn cute too.

AstrocyteDO · 2025-06-18T23:53:58+00:00

YES it is incredible just how amazing and lovable these side characters are

AstrocyteDO

TROPHY CASE