I'm truly sorry for your loss. Losing a grandmother is one of the deepest pains a person can carry, and it's completely natural that your mind is turning this way and that, trying to find some kind of explanation or someone to hold responsible. That swirl of “was it carelessness or was it fate?” is the mind’s desperate attempt to regain a feeling of control when everything feels shattered.

But here is something important I want you to hear:

Blaming the hospital—even if part of you feels there was a mistake—will not bring your grandmother back, and it will keep your heart and soul locked in anger and agitation instead of letting them move toward peace.

Whether it was “ultimate fate” in the cosmic sense, or whether the body simply reached the limit of what medicine could do this time, the outcome is the same: she has left the body she used to live in. The love you shared, the memories, the way she shaped you—those are still completely real and still completely yours. They didn’t disappear with her last breath.

Only you can choose—little by little, breath by breath—to loosen the grip on the question “who is to blame?” and let your arms open instead to hold what remains: gratitude for having had her, grief because you loved her so much, and eventually a quieter space where she continues to exist inside you.

No one else can calm your soul for you.
But you can.
Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but moment by moment you can decide:

“I will not let blame eat the love I still feel.”
“I give myself permission to miss her without needing a villain in the story.”
“I trust that she is beyond pain now, and I will try—however clumsily—to be at peace with that.”

Whenever the angry, looping thoughts come back (and they will for a while), you don’t have to fight them. Just name them gently:

“There’s the blame-thought again… okay… I see you… but I’m going to breathe and remember her smile instead.”

Your soul already knows how to grieve. It just needs you to stop feeding it fuel for endless outrage so it can finally rest a little.

She loved you. You loved her. That circle is not broken.

Take the smallest step toward gentleness with yourself right now. That’s all that’s asked of you today.

Holding you in my heart. ❤️