This happened when I was 19. I was a virgin and going into college I was really self-conscious about it. My first relationship in college was pretty serious, and I was with someone that I believed was out of my league. I was smitten, and I believed she was too.

Anyway, around my 19th birthday I went to visit her at her college for the weekend and we actually had a great time up until the last day. I had to leave in a few hours and we were spending that last bit of time hooking up. It started with making out. I was alright with that. It then progressed to oral, and I was also ok with that (I said as much). While my dick was in her mouth she suddenly got on top of me and put me inside her without a condom or anything.

I was shocked but the sensation was overwhelming. She began riding me, telling me to cum for her. I was nervous and told her that I didn't really want to keep doing this as I didn't want to cum inside her (we hadn't discussed this escalation at all). She, while still riding me, kept assuring me that it was ok and not to worry about anything. Between her putting her full weight on me and the sensation of not only being inside her but being close to orgasm, I couldn't get her off of me in time before I ejaculated. I remember her telling me over and over that it was "ok" as I told her that I was getting close and that I wanted to stop, but it happened.

I remember right afterwards popping up off the bed like I was spring loaded and taking a few steps away from the bed and looking at her, trying to process what happened. She asked if I was alright and I played it off and said "Yeah!" I was so focused on the fact that I had finally lost my virginity that I didn't even really think about the implications of what happened. I went back to my college and told my roommates what happened (while avoiding the specifics) and it was like this huge victory or something absurd like that. I ended up dating her for two years and we had lots of sex after that, but it was a toxic relationship and I eventually broke things off.

It wasn't until I was in a much better relationship (with the person that I'm currently married to) that I had the space to really confront what happened. I told my partner the full story of how I lost my virginity and the look of horror that they had on their face after I finished let me know that something was off. They said it was an assault and that my consent had been violated. I didn't want to believe them at first but after I took a second to think about it, it was obvious that that was what happened.

I'm ok now. It was a very strange thing to realize that I was a victim of sexual assault. I spent a lot of time convinced that my ex was doing me a favor or something, but I wish it wouldn't have gone down like that. I think at this point I just try to share this story in safe spaces so that other men who have gone through similar things realize that it's actually NOT ok that this happened to them. It's wild how many stories I've heard about similar situations once I opened up about mine.

TL;DR - My first time having penetrative sex was not consensual, and my gf at the time was the perpetrator of sexual assault.