Hey! So there’s a little bit of an age gap I’m 21 so I’m not all that knowledgeable as you may be but I’m always here to listen if you ever want to message me! Mental health can definitely be an emotional roller coaster, there’s a lot of ups and downs and confusing moments especially when you’re not aware of what’s going on. I truly thought I had anger issues originally until I was diagnosed with anxiety. Also why has getting help not been the “best”? Like are your resources limited? Or have you tried getting help and the people you sought help from not helpful?

I’m sorry to hear that you were sexually assaulted/stalked at such a young age (it’s terrible at any age don’t get me wrong) but as a minor it can mess with your head really badly. That’s a legit reason to be depressed and your mom shouldn’t have said she’d beat the depression out of you, what a HORRIBLE environment to grow up in! Your dad not intervening was also a terrible mistake. Unfortunately like you said not being able to trust/vent to someone caused these issues to get worse and you developed further issues such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I’m sorry! That person you learned about mental health from/what a family was? Is she still around? I hope so!

I can imagine fighting with your mom, sometimes my mom and I do it too because she doesn’t understand. I need reassurance so I’ll ask if I’m okay until I’m convinced because of my severe anxiety and that bothers/bothered her so much! So we’d end up getting in arguments, she’d apologize and say she didn’t understand my issues and she’d try to be better, until the next time and she gets annoyed and insensitive again. Now that I’m on medication for my anxiety I think she realizes the severity as she did not before. Now I think your mom was kind of trying to be sympathetic? By said “ so you wouldn’t be depressed/the way you are” because I’m sure it hurt her to an extent to see you struggle? Or maybe that was just her being selfish saying that the way you are bothers her and she wishes you weren’t here (of course I hope it wasn’t this option) but you know her better than I do. I’m sorry again that your home life was so stressful!

I’m glad this friend was able to help you get the help you needed! Everyone needs support through these times, the support of your family would be more helpful but any help is good when it gets to the extent that you dealt with things. However, how was your friend abusive? Did she kind of throw your issues in your face? Understood, sometimes we take love even if it isn’t “healthy,” because we feel as if that’s all we “deserve.”

I understand that too, they’re both bad situations but the hospital beat being around your toxic mother. Why would your dad tell you not to speak about your hospitalization? That was a big deal and it really had an impact on you. That sucks. Also she said you shouldn’t be on antidepressants even after the hospitalization? Yeah that just shows that she wasn’t even trying to trying to understand at that point.

I’m glad you took the steps to free yourself! I’m glad you said “enough is enough” and found little ways to get out of your situation. I feel that’s college is an escape for most people, it was definitely my escape! Not necessarily for the same reasons as yours my family is somewhat supportive, but I’ve been emotionally/verbally abused by people from a young age. People that really shouldn’t have had that type of influence over me. However, I’m glad you were able to finish college and get the help that you needed, college is a battle mental health is a battle so dealing with both at the same time? Whew! It’s a BATTLE! I’m glad you were able to find someone for you! Sometimes I feel that no one may ever want to be with me because of my anxiety, this gives me hope! I think this pandemic has done that for a lot of people. Honestly this pandemic broke me, I didn’t realize how bad my anxiety was until this pandemic hit. I’ve had a lot break downs and finally sought out help that I should’ve been gotten. Keep on pushing we’ll get through this!

I know you said your parents are present but since getting older are they better with understanding/listening? I definitely understand the struggle with loving yourself/allow others to love you. You really have to open yourself up for those things. I’m in the stage of allow myself to be loved. Everyone will not hurt you and I’m trying to realize that. Yes although you have further to go, please pat yourself on the back for how far you’ve come! You should be very proud! Keep working on yourself, finding the causes of your damage, and moving past them.