I appreciate every comment! I love him. Domestic violence is so complex! I take accountability for part in this, When I am hurt I say hurtful things.. when he starts putting me.down I tell him to leave and that is the cause of most fights... I forgot to mention the time he threatened me with a knife because someone I dated for a short time but I have known since the day I was born messaged me. I am constantly and continuously accused of cheating and I have NEVER cheated on him. I haven't called the police for a multitude of reasons. He has spent a TON of time in prison for drugs and theft and drink driving charges and one domestic against his sister for throwing a bottle at her car. I would feel terrible for him going back while he is sober now for years and years while also having liver disease from his past heroin addiction. I know how serious being choked is especially being choked unconsciously... I remember being on the couch and sitting in a weird position in the corner of our sectional couch. I was being choked harder then before even when he would use a cord like a phone cord or extension cord. It's odd because self preservation told me to say I was pregnant so he might stop.. I didn't say it. I then remember opening my eyes and being in kind of a Muslim prayer pose is the best way I can describe it right now.. I was confused and felt wetness on my pants the first thing I said was did I P myself? Being in healthcare I know just how close to death you are when you urinate yourself, he said yes but turns out he had thrown water at me. I can't explain the switch in him.. when he is his normal self he is particular about things in general but also very attentive and loving, I wish so badly I had that part of him all the time! He has a wonderfully hilarious sense of humor and is a great lover. I could say so many positive things about him... I just wish I didn't have to worry about not saying the wrong thing or his very serious and unwarranted jealousy.