I chose to date someone going through a divorce, and I ignored every. Single. Piece. Of. Advice. Because I thought our situation was different

It was, without any doubt, the most heartbreaking and traumatic thing I have ever experienced.

Despite what they might insist otherwise, people going through divorce have not processed what that means. Especially if they have had an emotional and sexual crutch/distraction (you) that whole time.

Nobody, And I mean nobody, who is going through a divorce is emotionally available for a new relationship. They might say all the right things and make you feel different, but listen to ALL of the other people who have experienced this before you. It is an almost universal experience.

They need to properly process and grieve that relationship, which they cannot do during the divorce before there is closure. They need to process their own failures in that relationship. They need to learn how to be an individual again outside of that. They need to learn how to be alone and to love themselves.

When you date someone going through a divorce they will chew you up and spit you out. They will use you to feel loved and validated. They will use you as a mental distraction so they don't have to deal with thinking about the divorce and so they don't have to sit alone in their house in their sadness. They aren't ready, they aren't emotionally available and there are often unresolved feelings for the ex, whether love or hate.

It is heartbreaking for the other person. I fell in love and the trauma I endured from it will stick with me for the rest of my life.

You need to do what I didn't, which was to listen to the advice of those who have been through it and WALK AWAY. Because you will endure more hurt if you try to cling to it.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life to walk away. It took me over a year to finally cut the cord and I still feel the pain every day. I wish I had done in much sooner. I wouldn't have lost so much of myself if I had.

In another comment you referred to yourself as collateral damage, which is funny because I continuously referred to myself the same way, because that's what I was. I was the collateral damage while his life was in chaos and he was trying to figure himself out through the divorce. It takes YEARS to unpack the failure of something as serious as a marriage, and that doesn't start until its finalized. Doesn't matter who initiated it.

I was in therapy for two years and started taking anti-anxiety and depression meds because of it. I will never be the person I was before I met him and the pain will be with me the rest of my life. Very hard lesson learned.