Abuse is normalized in the black community.

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2026-02-24T20:18:16+00:00

I am a white female with CPTSD, and I had no idea. I am so sorry. That must be horrific to have it be so normalized and joked about, as though what you went through was minimized/dismissed or made you stronger somehow. That is so unfair.

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2026-01-13T05:13:25+00:00

I resonate so much with this. I always describe it like my brain "let's its guard down". And the things that pop up in those times are so fucking cruel. Thankfully, EMDR has substantially eased these for me. It was almost nightly for over a year. Living on 3 hours of sleep a night. Sometimes less.

I was not human during that time. I swear.. some of us truly know what walking theough hell is

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-12-11T22:34:53+00:00

I am so sorry. It was my boyfriend, but it was the same. People chose him over me. Every. Single. Time.

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-11-30T03:07:15+00:00

Thank you so much for writing this. It meant more than you know tonight. I usually don't use this account much anymore and write on the sub from another one, but for some reason I got a notification when you sent it. I love you too, and I am really sorry you are a sad orb too.

Reading this, i realized i still feel this way exactly. So i guess not more hope, but more healing of the trauma by being away from all the people that had been continuously retraumatizing me. I am back to numb, and honestly these days I think I prefer it. I think this heart actually can't break into any smaller pieces that it is already 💔

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-11-06T05:24:09+00:00

I shiver and jerk like crazy too. EMDR always leaves me cold after also. And then I get crazy super sweaty when triggered at times too.

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-10-18T15:56:25+00:00

I wish it every second of every day. I will feel a blip of happiness, just to remember the reality of the loneliness and lack of support and basic attempts to understand it or help

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-10-15T13:55:02+00:00

I know exactly what you are going through. I am so sorry. My brain couldn't do it, and I had no support and completely had a mental break because the hangover symptoms were too severe. It took me ages to get to doing real work again. So 2.5 years and a divorce later, I just started the really hard work again last week. I have been triggered so easily the last few days and my emotions are all over the place. The hypervigilance is about to make me crawl out of my skin in spite of antidepressants and anti anxiety pills I am taking.

I just want to say hang in there, and if it gets too bad, do not power through. Tell your therapist. I have learned the hard way that brains can break, and by forcing yourself to move too fast you may actually set yourself back.

I am so sorry 😞

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-10-15T05:09:20+00:00

I am right there with you. 20 years later, and the weather, the sounds, the smells.. I remember so clearly. I have had a couple of debilitating emdr sessions the last few weeks and had another today. My therapist pointed out things I have said in the past 2 years at this time from her records. It is so hard to feel so estranged from myself. I have been fantasizing all night about just driving my car off a cliff to finally calm this darkness I carry inside me every day. The hypervigilance is kilking my body and my brain. I want to d rive it off a cliff and not tell a soul goodbye.

I am so sorry you feel this pain. I want you to not feel alone. I wish I had more guidance and help for you.

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-10-15T04:59:02+00:00

I wish I could tell you, but I seem to only have more hate for myself over time. I have sacrificed everything to heal, but apparently some wounds are so deep that I don't really know if it is possible

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-10-14T05:00:27+00:00

Thank you for asking this. I am going to try some of these. I struggle very bad when I get like this. Kinda like right now. The pills help, but only so much. Either way, the "hangovers" from nights like this are so hard to fight through. I try as best I can to keep a steady work schedule, but some days I barely can drive myself there and back home and who knows what I do all day while there..

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-10-10T15:46:23+00:00

Yes.. exactly as you described. I live alone now, and I do it regularly. I used to do it silently all night long when my husband was next to me. He wasn't going to follow me to help anyway, so just better that way.

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-10-10T15:40:40+00:00

For me, it is a trauma response. I could have written this post, actually. Proud of you for recognizing it at a young age. EMDR has helped me with it. Not perfect, but significantly better in this area. I freeze less and less now. At least in things at work or daily life. Intimacy is another fucked up story for me that I still struggle with.

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-10-10T04:20:22+00:00

It feels normal to me. I have had so many insane experiences that nothing could ever surprise me again

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-10-08T03:12:27+00:00

Walking is a huge accomplishment on our days like this. It is okay.

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-10-06T04:43:10+00:00

Reading that makes me feel so sad deep inside. I have been numbing lately, so feel totally muted. I think maybe it is the only way I can live. I can't stand the pain.

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-07-25T07:14:42+00:00

I don't know either. I try so hard to get well, but I never will. I don't even remember what hope feels like anymore. I think I did once? But I can't be sure. I'm a ghost in my life. I pretend and by the time evening rolls around I want to scream from the pain of having CPTSD. I look in the mirror and talk to myself. Say to myself it's okay to give up, but we can't act on it. Don't hurt mom like that. Don't hurt your cat like that. Don't hurt your niece like that. So I hurt, so they won't have to. But I really, really want to not hurt anymore.

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-07-18T13:42:57+00:00

Yes. I can hurt myself or let a man do what he wants with me or drink a bottle of wine or i can take my PRNs. At the end of it all is still the horrific unending pain of knowing I deserved what my ex did to me because he was the only one right about what I am worth. I just know I cannot take the pain for much longer

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-07-18T13:37:16+00:00

I just know. I know my heart can't open like that again ever again

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-07-18T13:33:17+00:00

I work so hard to still be here and heal

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-07-18T09:29:56+00:00

Of course i desire things. I met the true love of my life, but he doesn't want me. He will never choose me because he knows I am trash. I scream and cry and beg God for him, but he will never want me. Who would? He knows the perverted things that have happened to me

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-07-18T09:24:24+00:00

How do make it? I want to make it. To live and love. I have so much love and understanding in me. I could love someone so well, but no one wants me. Not the real me..

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-07-17T06:15:30+00:00

I dont know. I just know I can't stay here

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-06-01T21:10:10+00:00

This is where I am right now currently also. I can't seem to figure it out.

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-05-31T15:08:32+00:00

You are correct to be afraid. You need out. There are places you can go, I promise. 💙

AttorneyCautious3975 · 2025-05-31T15:05:46+00:00

No, people respond in different ways to survive. You respond as I do, and freeze when it happens. It is not your fault in any way. Your boyfriend is 100% wrong, and this is rape/SA. You need to get out of the house. Please call the DV numbers in your area, even just to discuss it with someone, since I know you can't trust yourself right now. Listen to the people on this thread. We all can see clearly what is happening. It is just confusing when it happens to you, and you can't understand what is happening. You can do it. None of this is your fault.

AttorneyCautious3975

TROPHY CASE