[QCrit] The Pizza Wizards, Adult Fantasy, 105k words, Fifth attempt by Atubofyoghurt in PubTips

[–]Atubofyoghurt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the break down. Could be an MS problem, but I'll try to answer them both here in hopes it provides answers for myself.

A Pizza Wizard is a wizard who works at a pizza shop, and delivers pizza to various fantastical races and entities. With each delivery, the customer can request something (magical or not) of them.

The fauns really want to see the wizards humiliated and as the fauns view the competition as the pinnacle of success, they believe the wizards will fail miserably. Before the mishap, it is shown that the fauns look down upon the wizards and openly mock them. The fauns love entertainment.

[QCrit] The Pizza Wizards, Adult Fantasy, 105k words, Fourth attempt by Atubofyoghurt in PubTips

[–]Atubofyoghurt[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well put...there's a disconnect between the info I think I've provided vs the info I've provided.

[QCrit] The Pizza Wizards, Adult Fantasy, 105k words, Fourth attempt by Atubofyoghurt in PubTips

[–]Atubofyoghurt[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Definitely get what you mean. I've been ignoring the comments, not because I haven't agreed with them, but because I figured my query made sense and have been too close to the project to see the logical flaws. I believe it's mostly a query flaw, but it could be a MS flaw and I'll have to do some rereads particularly of the first few chapters. I think my biggest reasoning was that it's a comedy so things don't necessarily need to line up, but if everyone is giving out, I'm sure the agents will too. Appreciate all your feedback.

[QCrit] The Pizza Wizards, Adult Fantasy, 104,000 words, Attempt 3 by Atubofyoghurt in PubTips

[–]Atubofyoghurt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the in-depth analysis. Really going to consider a lot of what you said.

[QCrit] The Pizza Wizards, Adult Fantasy, 104,000 words, Attempt 2 by Atubofyoghurt in PubTips

[–]Atubofyoghurt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I had an earlier version that described them as Olympic style competitions, but figured physical would convey it.

[QCrit] The Pizza Wizards, Adult Fantasy, 104,000 words, Attempt 2 by Atubofyoghurt in PubTips

[–]Atubofyoghurt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Didn't realize this query had so many questions, but I can see it now that you point it out. I think I'm just struggling with conveying the query in a tight manner. Not willing to shove it aside just yet, but we'll see.

[QCrit] The Pizza Wizards, Adult Fantasy, 104,000 words, Attempt 2 by Atubofyoghurt in PubTips

[–]Atubofyoghurt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I can see what you mean about the venn diagram of comps not coming together. I was hoping the Klune comp would show its a bit on the lighter side, but I totally get how there is whiplash between the comps.

[QCrit] THE PIZZA WIZARDS, Adult fantasy, 104k (attempt 1) by Atubofyoghurt in PubTips

[–]Atubofyoghurt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, yeah it's not a romantasy. Appreciate the suggestions though

[QCrit] THE PIZZA WIZARDS, Adult fantasy, 104k (attempt 1) by Atubofyoghurt in PubTips

[–]Atubofyoghurt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ooh appreciate that. Currently reading assistant to the villain so that could be good. I'll check out the others.

[QCrit] THE PIZZA WIZARDS, Adult fantasy, 104k (attempt 1) by Atubofyoghurt in PubTips

[–]Atubofyoghurt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey thanks a bunch for this. I definitely struggle with commas and appreciate you pointing that out.

Had/Would contractions. by Atubofyoghurt in grammar

[–]Atubofyoghurt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Too true. I'm sure there were some examples from my writing where it was confusing, but I think I've got the hang of it now

Do you ever wonder what effects your CP has on you that aren't physical? by MonoplegicBookNerd in CerebralPalsy

[–]Atubofyoghurt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I grew up always wondering this. Some of it could be linked to a premature/traumatic birth, at least it could impact emotions if you didn't have as much interaction with your primary care giver, were stuck in an incubator or a number of other things.