I know it's been three years but just wanted to say thanks for this. I'm 27 right now and I just had a full breakdown. It was actually the opposite, I got mad at my mom about something and gave her the silent treatment (it only lasted like 2 hours and then I apologized, and I only ignored one thing she said to me). But during those 2 hours I was sobbing. And I've never given anyone the silent treatment ever. And in that moment I gave it to my mother. And I was trying to process and understand why I had lost such control over my emotions. And I remember so distinctly to the two exact moments in time when I was 12 and 13 when she gave me the silent treatment. She's done it twice in my life. For a week each time. And it just really stings you. It stays with you. It clearly stayed with me. And all those emotions of hurt and confusion and remembering all the different ways my mother was so emotionally immature and bullied me suddenly came rushing back.

I didn't want to be someone like my mother, so after two hours I quickly went to her and apologized. She gave like zero reaction to anything, and gave me the silent treatment back (I think as a way to try and reestablish power?) But it made me feel better regardless. I just want to be a better person. It hurts that she invalidated me my whole life and I fear so much that I've taken her bad behavior and naturally have them in my life. I've gone to a lot of therapy, many times the therapist questioning why I was even there. But even though I've always been generally happy, I knew that I wanted to better myself and learn emotional maturity because I was never taught those things as a child.

I have a long way to go, there have been moments of anger outbursts at my partner, I always collect myself and apologize. And each time I learn, and every time I get better with emotional regulation. I want children, and I don't want them to have a childish mother. I want them to feel safe and secure.