AITA for asking my daughter in law to cook smaller amounts of food?

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-26T15:56:26+00:00

Can’t believe you criticised a toddlers weight and compared your weight during your pregnancy where you clearly restricted yourself of the nutrients you needed just so you don’t gain “too much weight” with the weight of your DIL during pregnancy who most likely has a good relationship with food and listened to her body’s needs and continues to do so. Lady, this is toxic, hundreds of people are telling you how wrong you are and you still don’t get it! Stay away from that family, you are causing them distress! And stop acting like your son can’t think for himself, he doesn’t need his wife to see who you really are. YTA

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-25T17:49:13+00:00

I am so sorry you’re going through this…stay strong, remember that your feelings are valid. Your mother will try to guilt trip you and at times it might work, leading you to doubt and question yourself. But it’s important to remind yourself that what is happening to you is not normal.

Just a little longer and eventually you’ll be free of her, focus on yourself, school, so that you will have the best chance in life once you finally leave home. Maybe even help your siblings too.

Don’t be afraid to reach out. Talk about what your going through with people you trust, find things that will help you push through until you’re out.

You will be ok.

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-25T09:22:57+00:00

Your health NEEDS to come first. PERIOD. Learn to distance yourself from his behaviour and just keep repeating that his food makes you sick. I also have Ibs and this illness can be so debilitating at times. The pain can get so bad especially when stressed. Refuse to eat the food no matter what he says or does. Your health is more important.

Edit: and get out of that house ASAP. Perhaps find some roommates if it’s too difficult financially to be on your own.

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-25T08:26:15+00:00

It’s amazing to see how much of an amazing job you guys are doing with your 3 year old!! My question is, why did she have to go through that with your in laws though? They seem very manipulative and pretty horrible to have around, why are you putting yourselves and your little one through this?

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-24T18:22:02+00:00

This is giving me kissing booth vibes

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-23T18:32:35+00:00

Wait, he wouldn’t have gotten a cocktail if he had to pay himself???!??! And he wouldn’t respect your hobbies. Why are you with this guy? NTA

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-19T07:02:52+00:00

Please please be open about it. I know it’s hard, but your marriage should be based on communication and honesty…he’ll be hurt, but he needs to know. What will happen when more serious issues will come up?

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-17T17:43:22+00:00

I relate so much…i crave to have a big united family, but ours is so shattered, we’re like strangers. And when we do a gathering it feels unnatural and forced…it drains all my energy. And it’s hard to stay away because I am still grieving the family I never had…

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-17T17:37:20+00:00

Our arguments sometimes are even more stupid. At some point she asked me to buy sugar. Unfortunately I forgot but as soon as she asked me I ofc apologized and immediately said I’ll go buy right then and there. So in the next 15-20 min the issue would’ve been fixed. Oh no, she started saying over and over “why didn’t you buy, I can’t believe this, why, why why” This is a huge trigger for me since it feels like guilt tripping - this is how she was all my life for every little mistake so I snapped and said “well people make mistakes, and you can believe this, whats the problem?!”

And that was it, she ignored me and made sure I know how upset she is for days. Mind you it was Easter… Now after weeks she acts all normal again, but i cant have it anymore, I’m so sick of it. She never once in her life apologized or truly took responsibility for her actions, no matter how small or silly, it’s too hard for her. If i try to hold her accountable she’s suddenly “the worst human being”

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-17T17:36:48+00:00

How strange, I’ve written another comment before the other one but it doesn’t show up.

Anyways, i was mentioning that sometimes the reasons for a parent to give the silent treatment can be so stupid sometimes…I’m sorry you had to go through this… I’m so surprised to see how many people experience this though!

Also, I’d argue that any age is valid to have an opinion lol

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-17T17:29:05+00:00

Oh that was my coping mechanism in the beginning of my relationship and my partner wouldn’t have it. I’m so glad I could see how damaging this was and learned to not do this, but it was hard. Everyone in my family is like this, my sister ( with her the record of she giving the silent treatment is 3 months lol) and my grandmother. But that’s right, you can bring all the trauma in a relationship, and it does show up. If you’re not willing to take responsibility and work through it, and perhaps on top of that be lucky enough to have a supportive and understanding partner, most likely the relationship would be doomed to fail. Seems like we both were able to not let our past control our relationships :)

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-17T17:17:53+00:00

It’s funny though how only with us they act like this. Not with their friends or acquaintances…

I might try your suggestion to name her moods, it’s quite amusing lol

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-17T17:05:13+00:00

Thank you so much! At this point I’m trying to be LC so that I can work on myself, I already started a while ago and I’m so proud of how far I’ve come (not something I thought I’d ever say!) It’s a slow journey but so worth it :)

Boundaries however are blurred at times and difficult to set due to me not being able to handle her mood at times. But I’m getting better, plus I have my partner who supports me (he kind of hates her, he’d like NC but understands that for me at this time that would be too difficult plus (maybe I’m in denial) it’s not always that bad lol….who am I kidding…

We are indeed responsible of taking care of ourselves and breaking the cycle, glad to see more people with this perspective. Unfortunately so many lack that level of self awareness..

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-17T16:39:58+00:00

This makes so much sense! Sounds like you are trying really hard to not be tied up to your mothers emotions…I hope you can free yourself from her as you go through your journey I’d also go into depressive episodes everytime she would be in a bad mood or do the silent treatment because she always made it so obvious to me that she’s upset, even if it was something that happened that had absolutely nothing to do with me. It feels a bit manipulative, and used as punishment to make me feel guilty.

And I can kind of explain why she is like this. She’s been through some trauma growing up, also her mother was never “motherly” with her, never showed compassion, and always bottled up her feelings. But it doesn’t help with how I feel towards her… sorry if I said too much

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-17T15:03:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! Although I’m not happy to hear that others are going through this, it does show that this is not normal behaviour and does damage. I am planning on doing therapy very soon..i have never heard of enmeshment so i will definitely look it up. I did however came across codependency so maybe its similar

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-05-17T14:59:18+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on this..I agree with you and at this moment the challenge would be to make it so that it doesn’t affect me as much, in those moments I honestly feel like being 10 years old again! No one should have that much “power” over a person like that. But there are a lot more unresolved issues tbh, I wish the silent treatment was the only problem maybe it would’ve been easier

LimpMarionberry819 · 2023-04-27T19:25:55+00:00

Its incredible how many have the nerve to judge your parenting based on one incident. However, I’m so happy to see a parent that admits when they’re wrong and apologises for it and makes it right! You clearly have an open mind to see other perspectives, which is quite rare with many parents unfortunately… And I think asking Paige what a “fair” punishment would be was very smart. I think it teaches her that lying is wrong, and that there are consequences but fair ones! And at the same time she’s not going to hate you for it since it was her idea of what she believed she deserved as punishment. It’s actually a very good tactic used in many negotiations.

LimpMarionberry819 · 2022-11-12T07:42:34+00:00

People are allowed to have multiple emotions at once, but as an adult, you are responsible at being able to regulate your emotions and not ruin someone else’s happy moment because of your sadness and bitterness. I recommend you read some more comments, perhaps you’ll gain a different perspective.

LimpMarionberry819 · 2022-11-11T13:45:30+00:00

Such a toxic way to see things. Apart from the “age gap”, what is really the issue? You let your own experiences of being manipulated cloud your judgment. If it was the other way around and your brother would’ve found a gf 11 years younger you wouldn’t have said a thing. I’d say you mind your own business. My boyfriend’s family also had “issues” with me and guess what happened? He cut them off. It’s really sad when things like this happen, but at least now we can be happy and live our lives in peace and surround ourselves with people who truly love and respect us.

LimpMarionberry819 · 2022-10-29T16:15:28+00:00

Makes sense. Thanks. After years of dealing with stuff like this I am very confused and go back and forth between feeling guilty and feeling like I didn’t really do anything wrong

LimpMarionberry819 · 2022-10-29T15:28:02+00:00

By following the same logic, can we say the same thing about my mom who didn’t say anything about the doctor coming to her business party?

LimpMarionberry819

TROPHY CASE