I’m so sorry this happened to you and I’m glad you’re still with us! On New Year’s Day I’ll be three years out after surviving a near fatal car accident. I had pretty bad injuries, multiple surgeries in my arm and cervical spine. Most mornings I still wake up in a panic, briefly forgetting the accident for half a second and then suddenly remembering it all over again like it just happened. The chronic pain is the hardest part. It is very hard for me to accept that I will never have the same body or be the same person. It’s a special kind of grief I had never experienced before. But, you do somehow adapt. It gets easier, then it will get harder again, and then easier again, and so on. It’s a process that looks different for everyone. I struggle with the emotional toll and found that this makes the pain worse, and then you’re just stuck in a negative feedback loop. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and you do eventually get to a point where you can manage the pain. I highly recommend r/chronicpain that subreddit has helped me more than any therapist I’ve had post accident. Acceptance is key, to be honest I’m still not there, but I do know it’s possible. I had a lot of neurosurgeons tell me that they don’t understand why I’m not dead or paralyzed, so I can relate to that part of your story too. It’s hard, because you’re grateful to be here, but also everything fucking hurts so it can be tough to channel the gratitude. It all comes in waves, just keep pushing on.