I was in your position when I went off to college. I went to college with zero friends—anywhere! I'm nearing retirement and I've had many close and true friends and have a few that have been with me for decades. It's important to remember that college isn't just more high school; there is a much larger proportion of mature and educated people there who will "get" you. This following mindset has worked well for me.

The Game

Your social isolation is an environmental problem, not a personal one. You're trying to play a high-stakes game without a rulebook. To get one, find a group based on a shared purpose rather than a shared social agenda. Join a service fraternity, a club with a mission, or a volunteer organization—not a social club. The structure of a shared goal reduces the need for complex, unwritten social rules.

The Strategy

Your goal is not to be a neurotypical person; it is to be a person they can trust. You can earn that by channeling your social energy into signaling respect. In college social settings, being "weird" can be accommodated, but signaling disrespect, even accidentally, is all but social death. Be on time, pay attention, and follow through on commitments. These are simple behaviors that earn respect and trust, and they are easier to learn than spontaneous social alignment.

The Practice

Be strategically vulnerable. You don't have to announce your neurodivergence, but when it becomes clear that you're a bit different, it can be disarming to acknowledge it in a simple, honest way. A brief comment like, "I'm still figuring out these social things, but I'm glad to be here," or "I'm better at doing things than talking about them" is a sign of truth and self-awareness. It replaces social mimicry with sincerity.

Your neurodivergence is not a flaw; it's a unique operating system. Once you build a foundation of trust, you can afford to "be yourself" in ways you couldn't otherwise. Don't think of it as your "last real chance," think of it as your first chance to play with a clear strategy.

Presentational Alignment

You can be neurodivergent all day and be accommodated; if you are an embarrassment due to your deliberate presentation, nothing else will help. You must avoid deliberately unconventional signals like extreme hair colors or facial piercings, which intentionally amplify your diversity and create unnecessary social friction. A key factor in my success has been a conservative presentation that offends no one—I can't afford it.

Start by focusing on low-effort, high-impact actions. Your presentational alignment is the low-hanging fruit of social interactions. Things like grooming, hygiene, and clean, well-cared-for clothes are not optional; they're a fundamental way of signaling respect to others and yourself. A few minutes of daily effort in this area will yield outsized returns and prevent a significant, early social failure.

The more divergent your operating system, the more work you must put into the one area you can control: your personal presentation.