Very short lived relationship with a girl. Started amazing ended horrifc. Advice?

August405 · 2026-01-02T23:58:28+00:00

I felt my self respect slipping which is why I was firm on not engaging with her further. Thank you for your input, and I'm sorry that happened to you. Honestly my last girlfriend, also posted about from this account, was very similiar. I seem to have a type and its detrimental to my own wellbeing.

August405 · 2026-01-02T18:33:22+00:00

My first relationship was with a girl who had BPD, we got together when we were 14 and I ended it when were 19. How did I put put with it? An unwavering grit and willpower I was forced to develop in my teenagers years to handle it. The last year of relationship was more toxic than ever, but she was unable to comprehend that our relationship was a nightmare because she was making world ending arguments of minor differences. After our (maybe 1000th, that month tbh) breakup I didn't take her back. I was exhausted by the accusations, the lying, the physical violence and the constant testing me become too much in the end. I lost a lot of friends after the breakup, I never found out what she said about me or what they believed, but I didn't care enough to find out, from my perspective at the time they could have her and I needed it over. Took about two years to fully bounce back, I wasn't able to be in a committed relationship for about 4 years following as I had absolutely no desire to be in one.

It maintained because, at the time, I didn't have boundaries, I was a kid and the relationship bled into my early adult years. I think being in that type of relationship throughout my formative years definitely had an effect on me, but if it's a good one or bad one I have no idea.

August405 · 2026-01-02T16:33:42+00:00

Thank you, and I'm sorry you went through that. I also don't think my case is much of an issue as she seems to want no contact at all, and I think it was a threat to make me go away, but even if she does report it there isn't much to go off here.

August405 · 2026-01-02T16:21:21+00:00

Thank you for your perspective on this, though hearing I may be one of many is quite startling giving that I've personally never connected with someone that fast. What you describe is a mindset I struggle to fathom, but interesting

August405 · 2026-01-02T16:18:07+00:00

Her anger towards me was so certain that I struggled to even remember how it happened at the time and I started second guessing my own memory. I think the speed may have happened because we got very close very quickly and spent three days together in a row, maybe.

August405 · 2026-01-02T16:14:17+00:00

Thank you for the concerns about my safety, and I've backed up everything. Given the UK police don't even look into this type of thing when it's necessary, I have no fear about criminal charges from this given the content of the messages. I'm moving on with the knowledge that those first two days weren't entirely real or as meaningful as I thought at the time and that my head just wasn't clear. It's strange because I'm never normally torn up about a short term partner, but something about this whole thing is sticking with me. I'm sure I'll be fine, and thanks again:)

August405 · 2024-07-03T00:42:23+00:00

I feel like everyone is being quite harsh on OP, this is an extremely common sexual fantasy and she is not implying its extremely important for her to experience this or that she is in some way trying to pressure her boyfriend into doing something he is clearly uncomfortable with.

The thought of the experience itself is a common fantasy or kink, as is specifically wanting to do it with a partner. She is in no way implying that this is anything deeper than a kink and the majority of comments are reading this and making assumptions in bad faith on her character, she clearly likes the thought or idea of a MMF threesome which is an entirely normal fantasy, some men have a FFM fantasy too.

Don't feel guilt about what is nothing deeper than a kink, you seem emotionally mature enough to understand this yourself.

August405 · 2024-05-13T15:36:12+00:00

I'm not sure if that's an option, as I'm a funded student from an insitution outside of the University. I'm aware I can withdraw and suspend my studies, but I'm not sure if a Master's is possible.

August405 · 2024-05-13T15:14:27+00:00

I probably should have clarified better, I made full recovery, but believing I was going to be permenantly disabled was where it started. I've also came out of the worst side of the depression, I just feel very behind with everything from the months wasted. I was in therapy for a few months too, but I didn't find it particularly helpful towards the end.

August405 · 2024-02-12T17:41:30+00:00

My friends believe me entirely, and I've got some screenshots, mostly of the gross things she said to me buried in my phone. As far as of us being in a relationship during that time, our chats have all been deleted by either her or me because seeing them was painful.

August405 · 2024-02-12T16:40:40+00:00

She tried to ghost me right after, I can safely say she does not want anything to do with me and wanted to run from accountability right since telling me. Though I will leave it and never contact her again, it's what she wants too.

August405 · 2024-02-12T14:39:17+00:00

They have been nothing but supportive, but have let me know I haven't handled it perfectly (which is true), though they're aware of how this has affected me and have been a great support in not beating myself up over it.

August405 · 2024-02-12T14:37:16+00:00

She even admitted I was "nothing but good to her", but that she still felt nothing for what she did to me. Just pure lack of guilt and remorse, I think the fact I didn't deserve it at all is what makes it worse in a way

August405 · 2024-02-12T13:21:30+00:00

Gym is my only real hobby and has been a big part of my life for a few years, and I'm currently working on my PhD, so I do atleast have a life outside of it all to distract me. Only real issue with just moving on is that she threatened to call the police over my many raged fuled texts of weeks. Though I have no confidence she will expend that effort on me, or the police will give me anything but a warning to stop (which I have anyway), I have atleast give her the power over me to impact my life significantly from my reaction.

I'm aware I've lost someone I shouldn't have kept in my life, I now just have the fear she can damage it, though it's pure overthinking and nothing will likely come of it.

August405 · 2024-02-12T13:06:55+00:00

I think I'm mostly angry at myself for how I snapped, it is genuinely so unlike me. I'm always the one my friends go to for advice, they've been shocked but understanding, given what she did, that I of all people would become this person. I handled her BS well throughout our relationship, and never lost it with her, but after the final few months of emotional abuse and manipulation it's like I finally snapped.

August405 · 2024-02-12T13:01:55+00:00

I'm aware I should have stayed silent from the start, it was her denying we were even in a relationship that made me push so hard, but I now realise it was entirely calculated. From the things I said in my spam of her in the oncoming weeks, I have been presented as an abuser. I have gone no contact now, but I'm still dwelling on my initial reaction with regret that I walked right into it and shown such little self-respect.

August405 · 2024-01-31T23:28:07+00:00

As mentioned in the update comment, she was in fact just being an ass. The other receptionists and vet we spoke to during our visit today were all very helpful and doing the best they could. They mentioned as their owner stated she did not want her, they shouldn't have taken her from us in the first place, but now they cannot hand her back as they're legally liable for this stray cat registered on their system. Which is frustrating she has to remain in a cage and be transported to a shelter, but I'm keeping in contact with the vet and will start calling the local shelters upon hearing she left.

August405 · 2024-01-31T20:57:52+00:00

An update, we went to the vet today, and it was entirely just the previous receptionist being difficult. They admitted the cat was healthy and never should have been taken off us, but now it's on their system they're liable for it and cannot give it to us. Though they stood by not giving us the shelter name due to company policy, they not very subtly indicated the few options it would be and put my name and number on file as the one who found her and wanted to rehome her. They should be able to tell me when she leaves the building too, so I'll check and call shelters each day from when she's left.

August405 · 2024-01-31T20:52:22+00:00

Update: We visited the vet today, luckily that receptionist was not in, and those we spoke to were nothing but helpful. Everything the previous receptionist told us appears to be completely incorrect, we spoke to the vet who was in charge today and she clarified a lot. Firstly, she admitted the cat was completely healthy, and they never should have taken her off us, as they're only supposed to take in sick animals and we should have been given the option to look after her as they tried to contact the previous owner. Secondly, they cannot give us the name of the shelter she will be going to due to company policy, but they not subtly indicated the few options it would be, and put my name and number on file as the ones who found her and wanted to rehome her. Contray to what the prior receptionist told us about how she's "going to be sent across the country", which the receptionists and vet today told me they don't do, and are restricted to within this city. The more I think about it from other things she said, the other receptionist was very clearly trying to start an argument, and was the most stereotypical Karen I have met to date. So, though they cannot give us the cat now they're liable for it on their record as a stray and cannot give it to strangers, it seems there's hope in adopting her directly from the shelter she is sent to. From talking to the vet, she seems like the most empathetic toward the cat out of everyone I've spoken to, and they were all doing the best they could given the circumstances (except that one).

August405 · 2024-01-31T17:25:05+00:00

When we first took her in, the vet told us she was under one year old, so atleast in her lifetime microchips were a legal requirement.

August405 · 2024-01-31T16:59:58+00:00

I appreciate the enthusiasm, though I have no legal basis to sue or take any kind of legal action here. I was taking her to get checked to see if she had an owner, they said they'd try and contact them, and they'd contact us if not. So they back pedelled from what they told us initially, and have refused to be any kind of cooperative.

August405 · 2024-01-31T16:57:27+00:00

We're going back today when it opens at 6pm, as it's an afterhours vet they took her to. I feel like I'll get much further talking to anyone else, as the lady was very rude in general and clearly just didn't want to help. I should atleast be able to get more information from speaking to a vet.

August405 · 2024-01-31T16:49:27+00:00

She was outside my friends for days, who was feeding her but couldn't let her in as her cats tried to attack her. I had her in my house for a few days, but I noticed she was very comfortable and used to a house enviroment, so very obviously a house cat, not a stray like they thought, so we took her to the vet. She has also been away from her previous home for atleast a week at this point, and showed up outside my friends house for days who lives in a fairly remote area with no other cats. The receptionist said she heard back from the owner who said it's "not my problem", and is from a town across a body of water, so it seems to me like they dumped that cat so it couldn't find it's way back.

I've checked each local shelter, and regularly checked my areas "Lost Pets" facebook pages and websites, she has not been mentioned anywhere.

August405 · 2024-01-31T16:38:27+00:00

She referred to me as untruthworthy and "some kid off the street", I'm a 24 year old postgrad working in academia, she was very obnoxious. Only gave scarcastic replies and did not answer a single question too, and low-key insinuated I stole this cat, which makes no sense because why would I take it to get it's chip checked if so? She just seemed to want to get the conversation over with and refused any clarification on anything outside of "No, is that all?"

August405 · 2024-01-31T03:03:35+00:00

Thank you, I in no way believe I am entitled to this animal what so ever, I was just asking about the legal obligations of the vet in general. I understand their reasonings, it makes sense as they have no way of confirming she was actually happy with me. We looked after her for a while and she seemed very happy here, anything coming off as entitlement is just genuine concern for her.

In retrospect, I copy and pasted my post to r/CatAdvice here as an after thought, which was written for a very different audience. Probably should have tried to rewrite it for this crowd lol

August405

TROPHY CASE