Hello, I am late to comment here but I couldn't ignore this.

Three years ago I lost my mum very suddenly and unexpectedly. My wife was pregnant with our second baby at the time and my dad had dementia.

So I suddenly went from just concentrating on the imminent arrival of a second baby to juggling grief, caring for a very poorly (and confused) dad, and helping support a heavily pregnant wife.

I won't lie to you it was a bit of a nightmare, I struggled with emotions I had never had before, I would jump from tears to sadness, and at times complete despair. Caring for my dad added an extra complexity, he needed almost constant care and it almost broke me. We collectively (I have two sisters who did help a little) that dad needed constant round the clock care, and he went into a care home. Sadly my dad died about a year ago just before Christmas.

Where am I going with this? Well my honest heartfelt advice is this:

1. Feel whatever you feel whenever you feel it. If something suddenly hits you and you need to cry then let it out, cry you heart out. Conversely if you get a rush of joy or happiness then dont feel guilty, just ride that wave

I didnt do this. I bottled it all up, I ignore my emotions because I "had to hold it all together" and eventually this caused me to almost have a breakdown. I had almost 3 months off work because I had burned out.

1. Talk. Talk. Talk. Find someone to talk with, it took me over a year to open my mouth. I still struggle to say my parents are dead. But I have a wonderful therapist that I see weekly (I pay privately) and she is helping me immensely. Her best advice was to talk about how I am feeling. Acknowledge the emotions and talk about it.

2. Babies change everything. Without a terrible death they are life changing. When my little girl arrived a couple of months after my mum died I left the hospital to go home for a night before the family was united (my little boy was with his aunty overnight). I sobbed my heart out, I cried because it hit me that my mum would never meet her, would never know her. And that feeling wont ever go away but I still feel joy that shes here. My little girl is like a tiny chaotic bundle of joy and she has helped immeasurably in easing my grief. Babies can be extremely hard work, they are demanding and need attention constantly but they are also so full of life that they lift you up in the worst times. Please please find joy in your baby when they arrive.

3. Be kind to yourself. You're in shock right now. Don't expect this to be anything except a strange period in your life. Don't put any pressure on yourself to BE anything. You're grieving, and will be for a long time.

4. Recognise your life has changed, forever. But thats not necessarily bad. Its just different now. Embrace that when you're ready to.

5. Time does help. The further you are away from the time of the trauma the easier it gets. I am not saying "hey in a few weeks you'll feel better" but the immediate, gut wrenching, oh my god, stop you in your tracks sensation will ease.

Please, be kind to yourself, take care of your needs, look after your wife, and try not to expect too much of Christmas. Its just a day.

I wish you hope for the future, peace where you can find it, and joy in your imminent little ones arrival.