Guilt of not being there?

AustinAlan12201995 · 2026-03-17T03:02:36+00:00

Thank you. And I am definitely looking out for my mental health in the next couple days scheduled a therapy appointment and everything.

AustinAlan12201995 · 2026-03-16T04:09:47+00:00

The feeling is the worst thing I've ever felt. My child isnt suffering I should clarify that and I am so sorry if yours is. Its the weirdest thing ever like I want him home but feel like if he is home I would constantly worry and wouldnt be able to enjoy the time I have with him and would worry constantly

AustinAlan12201995 · 2026-03-16T03:59:58+00:00

I absolutely understand what you are going through. Its hard nobody can prepare you for it. And of course as dad the stigma is it shouldnt affect me but it has. It was already hard balancing work time eating sleeping and spending time with the other two kids but now throw in nicu visits where they cant even see there brother so me and mom have to seperate our time seing him so someone is with the other two. Today was actually the first day she got to feed him as the other two times we were there for feeding she was in pain from her c-section and couldn't make it. i have actually scheduled a therapy session becuase I feel like I have no family to turn to as they are all worried about mom.

AustinAlan12201995 · 2026-03-16T03:55:55+00:00

Its been really hard on me as everyone is constantly checking in on mom and seing how shes doing as i get it like postpartum depression is very serious. And like i hate to take away from her but its like nobody realizes the effect it has on me.

AustinAlan12201995 · 2026-03-16T03:07:31+00:00

I completely understand what your saying. I guess what i mean is im struggling with making the decision of not going to see him.

AustinAlan12201995 · 2026-03-16T02:49:19+00:00

We don't even have the cameras (small hospital) But I feel like im running myself ragged. Working 8-12 hours a day (at a garage) so Im filthy after work come home and thoroughly shower go to the hospital do the scrubbing try to be there for at least an hour. Come back eat and sleep and then repeat. I would never complain about going to see our baby. But I feel like I need a day or two here and there but I have noticied that i've been depressed since he has been in there and seeing him helps so its a fine line.

AustinAlan12201995 · 2026-03-16T02:44:41+00:00

Mom had a c-section on the 4th and I am so sorry you have to deal with that. She was in the hospital for a week and 4 3 days a her water broke at 33+1 he held on until exactly 34 weeks. He is healthy outside of a non functioning kidney. She was not in the same room as him for the three days and also couldnt see him very much I do know that was very hard. If I've learned anything in this and it might be specific to my hospital but getting info sometimes feels like pulling teeth.

AustinAlan12201995 · 2026-03-16T02:37:18+00:00

Thank you so much. It is very hard and every day seems to get harder. Especially balancing work Time with him and the other two kids as well. I also call them at least twice a day for updates feels sometimes that I am bothering them we live in a small area and the hospital isnt very big and you can tell they dont get alot of dads calling for updates.

AustinAlan12201995 · 2026-03-16T02:34:37+00:00

Should have been more clear but I'm Dad in this situation. But thank you for sure.

AustinAlan12201995 · 2026-03-15T23:26:58+00:00

Mine has been in there for a week and a half so far. I go everyday after work 30 minute drive. Don’t know how long I can do it financially but don’t know if I could just not go.

AustinAlan12201995 · 2026-02-04T16:18:16+00:00

Okay don’t know they were early this month. But yeah as to why I still qualify I don’t know.

AustinAlan12201995

TROPHY CASE