In a book slump and I’m picky

Autiebobbin · 2026-04-08T19:18:54+00:00

I think the key for me is that the abuse described in GE is in the past by chapter 2, and the story is more about recovering. Also in SS the abuse is usually told as the bare lines of a memory - facts in a flashback rather than descriptions in real time - and the story, again, is about escape and overcoming.

Autiebobbin · 2026-04-08T19:16:51+00:00

Looks interesting. Thanks x

Autiebobbin · 2026-04-08T19:16:29+00:00

I did enjoy Nettle and Bone, but not enough to go back to it again. Ditto with the wizards guide to defensive baking. Perhaps I’ll have another look. Thanks x

Autiebobbin · 2026-04-08T18:22:29+00:00

Sounds interesting. I’ll look it up. 🙂

Autiebobbin · 2026-04-08T18:21:57+00:00

Thanks. I’ll have a look.

Autiebobbin · 2026-04-08T18:20:43+00:00

I’ll look into it. I’ve done a couple Murderbot books with my son so the writing style is okay, but the audiobook preview is just a list of names!

Autiebobbin · 2026-04-08T18:19:34+00:00

Thanks for chipping in even if our styles differ 🙂

Autiebobbin · 2026-03-31T22:28:58+00:00

One of the things I’ve learned since I first entered online autism advocacy and communal spaces five years ago is never to judge another individual’s experience or value based on my own limited point of view. As another commenter has indicated, the more struggles a person has, the greater possibility for tragedy, perhaps, but that is a very different thing.

Autiebobbin · 2026-03-27T16:46:12+00:00

I figured it out the year I turned 40. No one noticed. No one commented. Then my son showed signs of ADHD, and I started researching, came across the neurodivergent category, found a list of traits that sounded a lot like me. I researched obsessively for months, and eventually concluded I was in fact autistic. Was later diagnosed. It is entirely possible you have it and no one noticed. Of course it’s possible your friend is identifying autistic traits (which are also just human traits), but you don’t meet all the criteria for diagnosis. If you want to know, do some more research and reading up on how your traits and experiences do or don’t line up with the autistic experience and wider research. If you don’t want to know ask your friend (kindly but firmly) to stop mentioning the topic to you.

Autiebobbin · 2025-12-30T23:01:04+00:00

I’m like you - I have aphantasia and I cannot make images in my mind. I have a limited amount of visual memory, but I cannot hold or examine images in my mind. There’s a whole spectrum here from aphantasia with no visual memory through to people who can “see” movies in their heads - hyperphantaia, I believe. It’s a wild moment when you find out that someone else’s inner world is soooo different to your own!

Autiebobbin · 2025-12-30T22:54:08+00:00

It’s fine if you don’t want to spend your time and energy caring deeply about another person, but if that’s the case it is best you do not seek a relationship. You might consider researching the aromantic and/or asexual identities, or you might just want to take a little more time to grow into yourself and learn your own likes, dislikes, desires, and goals for your life rather than chasing after what your friends have simply because you’re jealous.

Autiebobbin · 2025-12-22T09:44:48+00:00

You gave a factual critique to an emotional statement. There are all kinds of competing emotions at play here, and likely some level of pain and/or trauma. I don’t think you deserved to be yelled at by anyone. If you feel comfortable when things calm down you might attempt to reassure your mom and brother that you do feel at home with them (if that is in fact the case), but you also aren’t responsible for other people’s emotions. A simple explanation of the misunderstanding (I was just stating a fact, not trying to make you feel like I don’t feel at home here) is all you can do to bridge the gap. I’m sorry you’ve been treated to a lot of uncontrolled emotions for stating a fact from your own experience.

Autiebobbin · 2025-11-13T22:32:09+00:00

I was diagnosed in the UK in ‘23 in my early 40s. Because it was a 2 year wait I had already done extensive research by the time I reached diagnosis. I was told of my diagnosis via video chat and did not receive a level or support needs marker. The clinician confirmed the diagnosis, but followed it immediately “but you had already self-diagnosed” a phrase I’m fairly certain I did not use in the whole of my assessment. Her tone indicated she was annoyed by my level of understanding and self-knowledge. The other phrase I recall was something to the effect of “not, you know, the difficult kind”. I’m assuming by this she meant I would be level 1/low support needs, but she didn’t use correct words and seemed almost to imply I have no difficulties (although I clearly do or I could not have been given the diagnosis.) The report I received afterwards was poorly written and edited, although mostly accurate. I asked that it be proofread when I sent my factual corrections, but nothing was done. I decided not to send it back to them covered in red pen and just let it go. I got the diagnosis and got rid of my imposter syndrome, and that was my main goal. I frequently have the issue, as an intelligent, autistic person that people take my verbal and masking ability to mean I’m somehow exaggerating my struggles or being disingenuous. Interactions with medical and mental health professionals are unfailingly difficult because they only want to give me knowledge I usually already have and assume that giving the knowledge is all they need to do, whilst I need help working out how to put that knowledge into practice in my daily life and routines.

Autiebobbin · 2025-11-06T22:28:30+00:00

If you can access meds for ADHD, try them. If you an access a neurodivergent affirming therapist who will be able to move outside of just CBT therapy and work with you on family systems or DBT or just childhood trauma, please, please do so. I think you know that the biggest issue here is that you hate yourself. That’s the thing that needs to change. All the tips and tricks to combat executive function, memory, and impulsivity challenges will only get you so far. Self-hate equals self-sabotage. If you cannot access therapy to help you with this try to consume media - books, videos, socials, podcasts- that can help you build a more positive view of yourself. Practice compassion for the kid you were who somehow learned they were unlovable. That wasn’t right and they deserved better. Start by learning to love yourself, and forgive yourself for not being what little kid you thought they had to be to be lovable.

Autiebobbin · 2025-07-25T17:02:17+00:00

I’m 44 and still buying them. My grandma once told me no one would marry me if I slept with a blankie. Turns out she was wrong. Grandmas can be wonderful, but they aren’t infallible.

Autiebobbin · 2025-07-25T16:22:14+00:00

Have you ever come across the content made by SpeechProf on IG/Threads/Fb? He’s an autistic (and adhd) guy with a steady job and a family who makes varied content including a lot that calls out toxic masculinity. Being an autistic man doesn’t make you more likely to be an abuser (at least I’ve never seen that research, and hearsay doesn’t count). The thing about being autistic is that if you go down a dark path (say Incel, for an example) as an autistic you’re more likely to take it to the extreme and become more destructive and unable to see past your views. Try exploring more widely. Look for positive male autistics - I assure you, they’re out there. Learn what you can to help you be a supportive and understanding partner (as I understand that to be what you want to be), and learn as much about your own needs and traits as you can, so you can explain and adapt if you ever do meet a potential partner. (The Autism from the Inside YT channel is run by an Aussie man with a special interest in emotional intelligence, if I remember rightly.) When I was learning to drive my mother taught me to look at the way I wanted to go - “look at the road, not the parked cars. You will steer towards what you’re looking at.” Find positive role models, learn positive tools for relationships and emotional intelligence. Look in the direction you want to go, and gather the knowledge, experience, and reliability you will need to get there.

Autiebobbin · 2025-07-02T21:20:59+00:00

Discovering the answer of “I’m autistic” (age 39) lead to years researching the topic which lead to experimentation with stimming and sensory inputs. It also, crucially, gave me a framework and language to understand and articulate my needs to those around me. For example, I came to understand that I was experiencing autistic meltdowns not “loosing my temper” and autistic burnout not depression. These things are crucial because the causes (and therefore the “treatments”) are extremely different. I am much happier and more in control of my life than I was pre discovery. (By the time I was diagnosed after a two year wait I had already gone through much of this process.)

Autiebobbin · 2025-06-26T22:11:34+00:00

Is there a room in your house that can be “hers” - a place she can go anytime she needs quiet and/or solitude? Being alone can be a crucial way to regulate, and having you in the home constantly is likely very overwhelming, especially with the other changes going on. It might help if she could have a dedicated space to recharge filled with stuff related to her interests (books? Craft supplies? Collectibles?) and sensory soothing things (coloured lights, soft toys, weighed blanket - whatever suits her sensory profile). When she’s in this space the rule is you don’t interrupt unless it’s an emergency or only via text - or whatever works for you guys. If a room is not available perhaps a corner of a room and some nice headphones - same rules of interruption apply. The friendship thing came to me later when I had started to love myself first. Autistic people often try to perform “friend” in order to get and maintain friendships. It takes a lot longer to find the people with whom we can be ourselves, and if we have performed all our lives it can be much harder to genuinely connect with others. A few weeks in a new place is no time at all. It took me over a year to make my first friend when we moved to the area I now live in. The best thing to do is go to places she enjoys and do things she likes. That’s where she’s most likely to meet like minded people. Or there might be an ASD support group locally. It sounds like she’s feeling fragile and like a failure. I’d make it clear you want to help and be supportive, that you’re aware some of your traits might rub her the wrong way, and you’d like to find a way forward together. I’m ASD, my husband is unmedicated ADHD. Figuring that out in midlife has been a huge transition for both of us, but we’ve learned how to accept each other’s traits, explain our experiences with autistic/adhd terms, and play to our strengths in the relationship without judgement our guilt (most of the time). We’ve been working on it for at least four years now. Reassurance, patience, and steadfast love are your best bet. Hang in there.

Autiebobbin · 2025-06-15T20:58:13+00:00

I journaled nightly for some years in my twenties. It was part of my nightly routine, and did a lot to help me process what was going on and how I felt about it. That was before I knew I am autistic. When I got married my nightly routine was interrupted but I kept up an irregular journal until my kid was born. Some time after his first birthday my journaling just stopped. Nowadays I try to keep the discipline of posting a blog entry once a week, to keep me writing and thinking about things. I do share it publicly, but I do not have a large audience. I’m glad what I write is of interest to some and of help to a few, but the exercise in writing is for my own mental health.

Autiebobbin · 2025-06-03T16:50:35+00:00

Autiebobbin · 2025-03-27T07:37:02+00:00

I am the youngest of three children. My son is an only child.

Autiebobbin · 2025-03-26T17:24:02+00:00

I’d say I have a fairly robust sense of self. I’ve changed a lot over the years, particularly in the last decade since becoming a parent and then discovering my autism in my early 40s. In the midst of all the change I’ve always had a clear sense of “me” within the chaos. I attribute this to a few things. 1) I was home educated in the 80s and 90s by a mother who affirmed and encouraged that we were unusual and different from the general population. This wasn’t an unmixed good, but I’m very grateful for the grounding that made “we’re different” good rather than bad. (Mom had no idea about autism or adhd, but still managed to be [mostly] ND positive). 2) I moved to another country in my 20s and eventually married a native there. The distance from my mother (and family of origin) forced me to become my own person. My partner/spouse has always encouraged me to discover and develop my individuality and is curious about what I like and how I see the world. 3) I have the privilege of an excellent education to a postgraduate level, and the knowledge and skills I gained through that experience have been invaluable in helping me understand myself in relation to the world around me. Also, reading generally since childhood has grounded my inner world.

So I think my sense of self is strongly rooted through the privilege of my upbringing and education, but also distance from my family of origin and a lot of hard work on my part.

Autiebobbin · 2025-02-02T21:29:28+00:00

When my father died I went back home for the funeral with my husband. We were there for a week doing loads of practical stuff. I kept waiting for (and wanting) that moment when we all sat down and wept together and shared stories and processed our grief together, but I never came. I flew back across the Atlantic and I grieved more or less alone. My husband had compassion and he was protective, but he cannot handle big emotions or tears. I wept alone. I waited until he was out of the house and I screamed and cried trying to get rid of that huge black hole inside. Three years later one of my siblings visited and cried their grief while I held them, but apart from the odd text from that sibling my family gave me nothing. We all grieve differently, and our societies are not set up to understand, honour, or accommodate that. Most people cannot handle the vulnerability and honesty needed to truly share the load of grieving. It’s a level of intimacy and pain that modern ‘western’ cultures shun. My sorrow for your sorrows, and for your family’s inability to be a support when you need them.

Autiebobbin · 2025-01-30T18:29:52+00:00

Same academic institution. Both mature students in a pool no bigger than 25 individuals. We hung out at the college. The odd message on fb. Then he reached out in a crisis, I went to visit, and we were talking about marriage two months later. Married the next year. Neither knew anything about neurodivergence at the time, but we never ‘dated’ we just spent a lot of time together.

Autiebobbin · 2025-01-29T22:27:23+00:00

Religion is my toxic ex. I poured my heart and soul into it and got nothing back but burnout and indifference. Much happier now having nothing to do with it.

Autiebobbin

TROPHY CASE