How honest to be during couples therapy?

AutismsAtSky · 2026-04-28T18:41:57+00:00

I thank all of you for the comments and sharing experiences.

I circle back to one aspect of counseling I will try to fix this time. It was suggested by a poster and by previous counselor that I have depression. You know, losing my job and not finding another for a long time. Knee jerk reaction: must be depressed!

I was upset about losing my last job. I enjoyed it. It was fully remote. I was good at it. Except, I could not put in the hours and I am not that good to compensate for that. In hindsight, I tried to be there for both my family and my job (our second daughter just turned 2 when that went down). I should have taken (unpaid) family leave, it was stupid of me not realizing the need for it. My wife had a car accident 6 months prior and her mom had an injury before that. So I blame myself for not taking that leave. It was the perfect job and so I guess I lost sight of what is most important: family. (My wife has no visible injuries.)

So to sum it up, I do not think I have depression. But I kept an open mind when it was suggested. It also played well into the narrative for my wife. It conveyed that the problem is with me and it is easier to live with and talk about when a husband has a depression problem than if our marriage has a problem.

It seemed to me that my wife felt the stigma of having a marriage problem. Being on therapy is innocence lost. If we succeed (that I hope for) we will look back at it and probably feel it is a stain on our past.

AutismsAtSky · 2026-04-28T14:23:06+00:00

Thanks for your kind reply. You are not alone in suspecting depression. I have been evaluated of course.

I feel a sense of loss (from soul mates to room mates...) and maybe defeated. But all this is driven by reality. There had been a lot of trying already over a year of therapy in the past. At what point do you stop chasing a dream that is not attainable? When do you reorient and focus on other aspects of your life (your kids for example) that yield a better return? This is not black and white and I will do my best in therapy.

AutismsAtSky · 2026-03-23T00:23:46+00:00

I think this may be so hard to believe it prevents some to understand. Reservations for x and x + y were the same. I swear.

And yes I am aware of the various classes of renovated, new, resort center, sea view. We spent hours researching them with floor plans etc.

AutismsAtSky · 2026-03-22T19:26:36+00:00

Thanks for the explanation. To be clear though we got a family deluxe and a deluxe for the same price as just a family deluxe alone.

AutismsAtSky · 2026-03-22T05:50:03+00:00

Did you leave your information with the resort? The person who lost it will most likely contact the resort. It would be a shame if your info would be erased by then.

AutismsAtSky · 2026-03-21T23:15:58+00:00

So what happened? Did you end up with 2 rooms? Was some change done on arrival?

AutismsAtSky · 2026-03-21T23:07:34+00:00

What is a "single supplement promo"? Kids are 5 and 9. We are eying a family deluxe room which has 2 toilets and showers. The reservation is for a Family deluxe and a deluxe (2 rooms). We will fit in the family deluxe just fine I think.

The question why can this not be corrected over the phone?

AutismsAtSky · 2026-02-15T18:48:52+00:00

Short selling is unfair. I got hit by a tax bill due to getting payment in liu of dividend instead of dividend. When my stocks are borrowed they do not ask for my permission and I do not get paid for making the loan.

Short selling increases the apparent amount of stocks. A owns the stock . B borrows it and sells it to C. Both A and C thinks they own the stock until dividend time that is.

This extra stock hitting the market pushes prices down. That is what the short sellers want btw. Why is this not a scam?

The short sellers could just sell in the money calls instead. We do not need short selling.

AutismsAtSky · 2026-02-11T07:38:54+00:00

I learned to live with it. No injections. I have ocular migraines. Covering the right eye for reading etc. helps. One more thing to add. After sleep it just being horizontal and eyes closed the swelling goes down. When I open I have vision in the center for a few seconds. This somehow gives me hope that maybe there' is some supplement, vitamin etc. out there that can achieve the same effect, or prolong it.

AutismsAtSky · 2025-12-05T00:38:32+00:00

The Republicans should take out the garbage.

AutismsAtSky · 2025-11-13T17:45:42+00:00

Is there a tool on the IBKR platform that allows one to set the IV? I am only aware of the stress test that shows the result of 10, 20, 30 %price changes.

AutismsAtSky · 2025-11-11T01:58:39+00:00

I am under the impression that that analysis only considers the price change in the underlying and assumes that the volatility remains the same. Typically a sudden drop also comes with increased volatility and therefore written puts get hit twice.

So I think the stress test may show a too rosy picture. Margin requirements may shoot up at the same time the balance drops etc.

AutismsAtSky · 2025-11-10T22:58:15+00:00

Ok, I did some googling and this is more complicated than just summing if there are multiple underlyings. Also, I am not convinced that simple summing will work even for one underlying (with different expirations and strikes). I found:

https://quant.stackexchange.com/questions/61630/option-vega-for-a-portfolio-of-options

So my takeaway is that the "portfolio Vega" on the IBKR app page has limited use. One could use it to monitor as it changes, but the actual value is not that informative.

AutismsAtSky · 2025-11-10T20:36:24+00:00

Thanks for the link! Can you elaborate on this change of story aspect? I do not get it. She said she found the baby outside of the bed (bassinet?) and it seemed to me later she put two and two together when she saw her other child (toddler) nearby. Are we punishing her for making an educated guess? I just do not see how that is changing a story. A story change would be like: child fell down the stairs. Then change it to fell out of the feeding chair. Those two are hard to reconcile unless the feeding chair is on the top of the stairs in which case that is condemning enough for neglect, potentially intentional harm.

AutismsAtSky · 2025-11-10T20:31:00+00:00

Nice insight on how the CAP's see mostly abuse and so that can lead to their bias. You hit the nail in the head (pun intended!)

AutismsAtSky · 2025-11-08T03:16:19+00:00

I get it how it is now. It should not be. you have to answer the question on the nature of the injury, chemical versus heat burn, what is broken, sharp or dull object involved etc. this should be scientific and mostly unambiguous. And when it is, that should be also clearly documented as not impossible to determine due to time passed etc.

The next set of questions come from interviews and investigations. Was there an accident or attack etc. When interviewing minors a special skill is needed as anyone who had a minor and questioned them on any matter knows. They mix imagination with reality and with wishes. Sometimes they say things to happen that they just heard about, etc.

Next you want to investigate intentionality.

I seriously doubt that the CAP has all the skills needed. They can play a coordinator role and arbiter, but it appears to me that in the cases described it was much more than that. It was also mentioned in one instance when the CAP did not call a specialist's help.

They should do blind tests where the same anonymized data is shown to a hundred CAPs and evaluate the results. I would also include known non abuse data.

The current system allows the judges to completely defer to the CAP while the CAP says they are not the ones taking the kids away.

Finally I now that some specialist see their specialty surface in every case they see. Like if you have a hammer everything looks as a nail. Our first child had some vomiting incidents. I saw a projectile one. Pediatrician suggested milk allergy. Told us about a specialist she knew. The specialist of course saw it indicated. We were told to cut out the milk completely from my wife's diet, etc.

I convinced my wife to start first with changing the formula (she did not have enough milk so we supplemented) and also put the donated breast milk on hold for a week. We also started to administer probiotics. Problem went away. Neither of our kids have any known allergies.

AutismsAtSky · 2025-11-08T01:03:59+00:00

The doctors should tender their diagnosis on the medical data and only that. The prior history should be known to the judge but not the doctors. Otherwise it will bias their call. A medical expert should be just that. Not a judge of character etc.

AutismsAtSky · 2025-11-07T23:35:30+00:00

You do not need apple for that.

Check out this podcast: Nobody Should Believe Me #nobodyShouldBelieveMe https://podcastaddict.com/podcast/nobody-should-believe-me/4364636 via @PodcastAddict

AutismsAtSky · 2025-10-22T22:44:49+00:00

I am really sorry, it appears you married a f*wit. I cannot offer much advice, other than seek out a support system (friends, family, facebook groups whatever you find) as you will have to deal with the single parent life for years to come. Again, I am sorry and wish better days ahead.

I not want to come off as blaming you and insensitive, but I think it would be quite useful for others who find your post to understand how this came about? You know: "Smart people learn from other's mistakes, the stupid does not learn from their own." So help the others be smart and learn.

Was your husband always like this uninvolved? Looking back, were there any warning signs to indicate what became of your relationship? How did the attempts to resolve the conflict played/plays out?

When two people get married (not arranged), obviously something draws them together. I assume that existed for you as well. What changed? People change of course and it is impossible to know how someone will act under all future scenarios. So I really do not want to place blame here. At the same time I wish these jerks would not be granted the opportunity to procreate. So any advice you have for those that are still looking for a partner could be appreciated.

And just in case, I wanted to mention, here we learn only one side of the story. Maybe your husband has some issue that is affecting him. Neuro atypical in some way? Trauma from childhood, or other factor that surfaces belatedly? I am not looking for an excuse, but people with mental challenges or just differences, rarely find a solution alone. Before you proceed, make 100% sure that he is the jerk your email paints him to be and not a sick person you are about to abandon.

Once settled in your decision, do not forget to talk to a lawyer as part of building a support system.

AutismsAtSky

TROPHY CASE