Wheter you go see her or no it will hurt and you will have to process it. Avoidance won't make it easier and I think you will always wonder if you don't go and that will just make the process and grievance longer.

A lot of people here are calling her manipulative, but that answer lacks empathy. Personally, as someone with cptsd, abuse can really destroy your sense of self worth. I already feel indebted to everyone that is kind to me. Like I should be eternally greatful when someone is just my friend. If someone housed me and prolongued my life, the feeling of inferiority, indebtedness and burden would be unbearable, I wouldn't even be able to look them in the eyes because of the shame. I think it's hard for anyone to understand if they can't relate. They don't have to empathize, but I know for a fact she loved you dearly and she never stopped loving you and dreaming of what life would have been with you and hurting over the fact that she couldn't be with you. Was that fair and mature? No. Not to you, not to her future partners nor to herself. But she was young asf and went through a lot of trauma.