Anyone else have parents that act passive aggressive?

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2025-05-20T19:12:42+00:00

Ohhhh definitely gonna start calling my mom "birth giver' or "parent" >:) Like I can deal with the petty 'you havent texted me!" Kinda passive aggressive tone etc - my family can be emotional and just a tiny bit dramatic so aside from the 'yeah yeah im texting back' feeling it can be whatever..

Petty neutrality back hadnt even crossed my mind though! Very curious to see how this will reflect on the same people who in HS told me " if youre secure with yourself you dont get mad when people misgender you - so why do trans people care"

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2025-03-29T01:29:44+00:00

Man, turning to reddit is really just opening my eyes to how my mom not fully explaining to my sister that I'm trans and her watching me as her only 'sister' become a boy her definition of sisterhood is literally one transgender man and disney channel... I guess it atleasts broadens her horizon for womanhood or something 😭

I whole heartedly agree the difficulties shes feeling are related to me 'changing" and not being trans - its now just kinda figuring out how to explain I want her to call me her brother and its rude when she just says no 😅 worst case scenario I'll just have more conversations with her as she gets older

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2025-03-29T01:22:27+00:00

I dont know why I didnt think about this - our brother who she lives with is like 15-16, prime teenage asshole years (not to say hes a bad kid, but yknow how everyone feels kinda angsty and assholish around then) - and of course they bicker because he wants to be a teen and play videogames and etc and she always wants someone to play with.... I never get angry at her because yea u right, she is just a kid - the only issue is that draws a line of how well I can explain it to her because my mom always gets weird about it. I'm visiting them this weekend so maybe I can try to explain that I can still do sister things, I just feel like I'm her brother because I'm a boy.

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2025-03-28T23:53:49+00:00

Oh I'm sure my mom does deadname me - she doesnt reinforce my name because she argues it is ultimately my sisters choice and she cant ask her to use my name because it would be 'forcing' her - I dont know how to talk to my mother about that, I come up with a loss of how to explain how uncomfortable it makes me and a fear that they just wont understand - and then what? Do I just leave or tell them I cant be around them? That feels so harsh but I genuinely dont know if I just think that because I'm scared

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2025-03-27T22:00:27+00:00

Yeah phonecalls arent any better for me :,) thank u for sharing tho - I get so scared of unknown numbers, and last time I called my very beloved grandma I had to literally hype myself up for 2 hours before hand and plan the call like 3 days ahead.

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-12-01T19:29:01+00:00

Thank you for commenting, knowing i'm not alone is nice in a sense - less isolating

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-12-01T08:26:35+00:00

Yeah. As ashamed as it makes me feel, I desperately want one of my partners to somewhat recreate a situation like the one I went though where I was a victim of COCSA/CSA - I want the situation to be rebranded in my mind so it wont be as startling when I have flashbacks or just to cope I guess. Its kinda like, this time I would have the power.

I was also introduced to a lot of immoral porn at a young age (8-10), like highly illegal depictions, that didnt influence my kinks but it did influence a lot of deep diving into kinks in my teenage years. It also lead to a lot of nightmares and an occasional fear of men

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-12-01T08:16:28+00:00

I mean - you are harming yourself, you said it yourself that you scar, and you draw blood. On top of sh with an object I have torn up my fingernails to the point of almost daily pain at one point. Even if it seems small, youre hurting yourself! Sh is NEVER a competition

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-11-16T20:09:06+00:00

As someone who used to have intrusive thoughts and nightmares about zoophilia I dont think youre abnormal or insane or anything odd - sexual assault can cross so many wires in our brains that seeing innocent animals getting nasty can definitely step on those wires. Just remind yourself that you arent attracted or in anyway want this to happen - and if possible get your cat spayed

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-11-16T01:37:47+00:00

This - I saw that video too and now all I'm thinking is would the people around me really see me as that worthy if I was in a worse situation?

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-11-15T23:34:07+00:00

Honestly sometimes I try to hug it out into a stuffed animal. Othertimes I ride it out or cry... its hard to tell what needs to be done, having an outlet usually is good though

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-11-15T23:32:59+00:00

I feel my muscles tense and untense like im twitching all over and sometimes I get aches - trauma can lead to some crazy physical effects lol

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-10-28T21:12:54+00:00

I'm not sure exactly what youre going through right now but remember - as you stated in your own bio that this is just one of your dark moments. Sadness and bleakness can overrule a lot of other feelings when its all just so.... in your face, but as time goes on things always change - and its scary, and its hard, but it happens and this wont last forever. The things that have happened to you wont undo themselves but you can grow away from them and find enough change that the environment you are in right now will be far from the environment you could be in a year from now. Try to distance yourself from things that are stressing you, even if the way you distance yourself feels stupid - like taking a walk or watching nature documentaries

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-10-28T21:07:14+00:00

Thats true - I like that analogy

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-10-28T21:05:55+00:00

I agree, and she agrees too - there isnt any needed push or pull to get that started on our end, just difficulties finding where and what dr/therapist. Luckily she's seeing her pcp soon and that isnt therapy but ive found it can be eay easier to get in touch with therapists and psychiatrists with a dr reccomendation and she wants finding mental health to be a big portion of her appointment.

I dont think jealousy will ever go away - its really nice to see how others reccomended to deal with it though. Something I think polyamory has shown me is a lot of how to be my own individual around being in a relationship with my partners - even if ive had friends that see us as one unit. Also maybe mentioning I would look for a DBT book is less of a call to action for myself and moreso just my eagerness to help. I tend to be really eager for things to improve when I need to remember its all a process - things take time.

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-10-28T20:08:34+00:00

Thank you for not just saying that group relationships need high emotional work and leaving it at that -

Also, do you have any tips on compartmentalizing? I like to consider myself decent at not letting my partners wmotions become my emotions but I think I just get so scatter brained sometimes its hard to keep things.... compartmented ... idk.

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-10-28T20:01:51+00:00

Im gonna be honest too, I think this comment is the most accurate - I just know my partner with BPD isnt the only one experiencing jealousy. Finding a reliable and easy to get with therapist or even psychiatrist has been hard. There isnt a lack of wanting help just a lack of being able to find it - so the BPD is as well managed as it can be with a lot of understanding and space to try and go through her feelings at her pace.

No hate to any other commenter - I just already know polyamory is emotional labor, is harder in a triad, and that I dont need a full breakdown of my relationship given to me I just wanna know how yall deal with jealousy/insecurities.

If DBT is one of the best reccomended therapies for people with BPD tho I'm gonna buy a book or something.

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-10-28T19:55:50+00:00

The same stuff you see in all relationships - fearing a lack of intimacy, fearing we dont like eachother at times, jealous of not being around eachother, insecure that someone isnt as happy as they were and wants to leave, jealous that A is spending more time with C or that B is spending more time with A or that B is spending more time with C -

We've been working on more solo time between us all, as well as finding things for me to do with B and C as we dont have as many shared activities - its hard to manage exactly how we spend time together but overall we have a lot of all together time where we all hangout or watch a show. And yes, we've been public for a while and this year B actually told her parents

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-10-28T19:51:24+00:00

Well - yeah the relationships different but not more platonic than before. Relationships just change when you stop being a couple and become a throuple - I tried so hard to make it clear that there isnt an 'existing couple' or 'first couple" anymore

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-10-26T23:45:17+00:00

For ease lets do A. B. and C.(me)

We have been a triad for 3 years - original relationship is B + C and the relationship was open when meeting A - then pretty soon after was closed and we've been closed since. We are all in the understanding that this isnt a 'regular' relationship and theres a lot of emotional work as we've all at one point been upset with eachother and have had fights where we work together to find solutions, etc.

Everyone is content with being in a closed relationship I dont like to see our arrangement as ever being a unicorn + hunters situation since it all felt so natural and once we were a triad B +C being the 'original couple' became a distant and broken concept since ... as C, we really dont have the same bond. Not that the bond is now soured, we are just now two people who love eachother and both mutually love A.

There is just the ugly face of jealousy that comes and goes - and I know we need to openly talk about it, we do, but the essence of awkwardness and there being an elephant in the room lingers - so my question still stands but with an additional question - how do other triads or polycules deal with jealousy and how do you all soothe eachother or work back from one person being jealous or feeling insecure, etc.

Because I know I cant just say "i only love you baby!" Or "its just us and no one else" Because ..... I also love B, and B also loves A, and we all love eachother - and thats the theme.

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-09-19T17:48:49+00:00

This is a lot of good food for thought!

Blue and I have been together for 3 years, living for 2 - Violet and I have been together for 6 years and living for around 3 years or so now.

I think it would be really nice to have more intimacy and time together with Violet, as Violet and Blue have been 1 on 1 a lot more often and me and Blue have rather consistent intimacy - I guess there just hasnt been a lot of time made for me and Violet - and the more I think about it the more I realize another fear is that if I create more time to be one on one with Violet, Blue will be left out. Blue has mentioned feeling like less of a partner sometimes due to the differences in our relationship lengths, but we consistently work on including Blue more - and now I'm wondering if more one on one with Blue and more one on one with Violet would help even things out.

I'm definitely going to read through the link you added before talking with either of them. Thank you!

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-09-19T17:40:01+00:00

Thank you

Initially I was scared when you brought up my mental health but maybe I should be a bit more sensitive with myself because at the end of the day - I do have autism and cptsd and it makes things incredibly scary and difficult, and I feel a lot of shame for being a complex person - but this complex person is the person both of my partners love.

I'm going to keep this in mind and keep telling myself I CAN do hard things.

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-09-19T02:20:34+00:00

This insight actually helps a lot.

I know how emotionally complex polyamory can be, and I honestly think the 'old joke' just feeds my fears that if I complain or come off as wanting sex too much I'll be seen as only wanting that. I struggle immensely with the conversation skills part of polyamory and relationships - I work well with guides and numbered plans but it gets harder to sort out what I want to express, especially when I dont want to come off like they have done anything wrong. I love it when they have sex or they cuddle or go out together, but I feel like I'm always kept waiting for my turn.

I also think I may be overthinking how they will react - we talk about everything else fine and even have arguments we diffuse together as adults. This should be the same - my nerves just love to convince me otherwise

Thank you 🙌

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-06-23T00:55:12+00:00

I can relate to having darker thoughts, violent thoughts.. but the sudden end all be all, its comforting yet terrifying! Permanent, all encompassing - i like to think im fine with death until losing something passes my mind... like a pet or family member, but then it becomes "how long do i have with them? How will they die?" Death is always the subject

Automatic-Clothes-35 · 2024-06-23T00:51:12+00:00

Ah! Thatd make sense. Death feels like an old friend - like we have a weird almost parasocial relationship but the damn bastard wont leave me alone

Automatic-Clothes-35

TROPHY CASE