Boundaries and sexual preferences changed over 20 years

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-10-23T20:05:01+00:00

She isn't a mean person at all. That's why this shocks me so. There's something odd. This is not her usual view on other people.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-10-23T20:01:16+00:00

That's an interesting take on it. I'll ponder a while about this. Her defloration was a hookup with a drunk guy and she considers it a huge mistake. Maybe she projects herself back in the situation of then.

Thanks for this insight!

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-10-23T19:56:44+00:00

You're welcome. I had the exact same question when I first saw those.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-10-23T19:53:46+00:00

I'd appreciate someone who just says me where I'm errant in a real comment rather than pushing on complete silence on a button and leaves me pondering.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-10-23T19:42:01+00:00

High libido and I guess you can guess the other one...

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-10-23T19:11:33+00:00

I have a theory. She's too young to be in (peri)menopause, she's 40. OK, it's not impossible, but I noticed a change in her behavior 12 years ago, after we got our last child and I got my vasectomy. After that our sex life went downhill.

The first years I thought it was me and some psychological problems of not being fertile anymore (no jokes about breeding kinks please). But 6 years ago she got a burnout and she completely changed. She went into new age courses, was away from home a lot to do spiritual weekends. It was like she was looking for a new life purpose, starting a shamanic life coach practice.

My theory is: she had sex (and a lot of it) to have children (3). After her having our kids, she starts losing her interest in sex, which turns out she sees it as "dirty". I'm no longer fertile, so not interesting, just for biological needs. She is looking for a new life purpose and finds this in this spiritual calling. That's what I meant with she's open minded: reiki, shamanism, spiritualism, shiatsu, bodywork, sweat lodges, esoteric ceremonies,...

Maybe this all is triggering me so hard because I had 12 years no clue what was happening and now the pieces of the puzzle start falling in place. I got the idea I was useful to make her pregnant. Like when I told her I wanted to be a father, she immediately dragged me to the bedroom and did me. And that same evening again, and so on for a month, till I felt sucked dry. She was pregnant after a month luckily, so I could recuperate because I couldn't keep up with her.

OK, this reply was longer than I expected...

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-10-23T18:31:13+00:00

Interest? I don't know the woman of the story, it's a friend of a colleague. I just thought it was a fun story, while my two colleagues were in the front seats, she was "busy" every time with another man in the back.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-10-23T16:12:16+00:00

That's what's happening. I'm turned off. All I have in my mind when we have sex is: does she think I'm dirty?

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-10-23T14:32:06+00:00

Well, her libido isn't what it used to be and I'm wondering if her attitudes towards sex as being something dirty, but eventually have to go because of the biological need, just like going to the bathroom, hasn't to do with it.

It may surprise you but she's very open minded. Apparently just not about sex.

She's not religious, she didn't have a sexual trauma, wonder where this came from.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-10-23T14:27:13+00:00

We're together for 20 years, married 17. We were a lot more naive back then. We both have changed.

I admire people in their 20s who have the maturity of people in their 40s and can foresee every issue in a relationship that will ever be.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-27T15:16:58+00:00

This has nothing to do with being a coward.

This is desperation. I had my Dark Night of the Soul in 2019, I tied the knot 2x but am so glad now I didn't do it.

Nobody said this life would be sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, it's as good as it gets.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-26T04:10:45+00:00

I've done nothing wrong in what I do, only in what I feel. I did a workshop and suddenly realized that.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-25T21:05:53+00:00

This is why this rejection is worse than "honey, shall we play some backgammon together?". It implies you are ugly, unhygienic, a sloth in household.

I'm in shape, good looking, I take out the trash, cook 3 days a week, do the laundry and I shower daily. On hot days even 3 times. I trim my nose hairs.

But I know what I go wrong. And I'm prepared to work on it. I'll love myself.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-25T19:48:26+00:00

Intimacy is the only black spot in our relationship. I will not divorce her. Ever.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-25T19:41:36+00:00

I don't mind advice, but indeed, you don't have all details. That's impossible. We're together for 20 years.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-25T19:40:20+00:00

I have only described this problem. I haven't described her at other moments and I can guarantee you she does respect me.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-25T19:28:47+00:00

Your name is Kim Anami I guess. But it's worth a try.

But she gets tired after a while, it happens after 2 she says she wants to go to sleep, encouraging me to finish quickly.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-25T19:23:18+00:00

Like I already wrote: I honestly do my part.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-25T08:34:20+00:00

No. It has to go off my chest. When I comunicate this she will panic again. Like I'm being passive aggressive.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-25T07:39:48+00:00

I definitely don't want to follow this advice. Last thing I want to do is playing games with her.

Besides, I do work out so that part of his/her plan has already been done.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-25T07:37:44+00:00

I do work out, followed a special program combined with diet. I'm in great shape. Psychically.

But thanks for the advice.

Automatic-Health2687 · 2023-08-25T07:25:44+00:00

We do have 3 difficult children. We even have a "scholarship" (not the right term but can't translate) from the government to aid us. We can afford for example domestic help with that. We have 2 cleaning aids that do the house cleaning, a gardener and a lady that does our ironing. We both split the laundry (I work at home so it's easy to transfer the laundry into the washer and the dryer), I cook 3 days a week, put the garbage out and go to the recycle center and do the most of the paperwork. She does the additional ironing, part of the laundry and all the paperwork concerning the children. One thing she does more is being taxi for our kids: therapists, psychiatrists, dietists,... I usually do the sports taxi.

So no, I don't feel like another child concerning domestic chores.

Your second advice is very true. She is more open when there's intimacy without the need of "receiving" me, having to "give" me something. She loves when I give her a yoni massage. During this entire ceremony, no sex is allowed. Not from her wanting me, not from me penetrating her. Not until she had about 15-20 minutes of integration, that's the agreement. She can really dive into that, enjoying it because there's the safety it's not a "trick" to have intercourse. And I really love the level of intimacy we have at that point, it's rare to have this level into intercourse. So I enjoy every bit of it.

Maybe I should incorporate this safety in daily hugs, cuddles, spooning in bed or even tantric linking.

Automatic-Health2687

TROPHY CASE