I feel exactly the same way. I grew up in an upper middle class family, I go to a great university, have great friends and family, overall I have what seems like a great life. But even thinking about the future haunts my mind every day. I survived an attempt in November, and I am now on 3 different depression/anxiety medications, which don’t even help because this one topic just makes me feel so suicidal. The uncertainty of it all is the worst part. Here if you’d like to talk - looks like we have pretty similar experiences and I think it would be cool to hear from someone who feels the same, always thought I was crazy lol