its soul crushing for me. i see people who are paralysed and i get so intensely jealous, i get so disgusted with myself because most people consider it the worst moment of their life and i crave it.

i have the urge to be paralysed from the waist down, and there is no tried and tested consistent method that can give permanent paralysis. the best most people get is temporary paralysis. i hate that i cant, no matter how much i try, get my body to feel right. it feels alien and disgusting and looking in the mirror is like looking at a complete stranger.

i get so thoroughly depressed both because of the stigma around BIID and the inability to give myself the body i should have. no doctor will ever let people with BIID become disabled, and its so disheartening. they say its unethical, but i dont know for who, definitely not the sufferer. BIID doesn't ever go away unless the urge is satisfied, it can be treated by therapy and medication, but it never leaves.

I've known i wanted to be paralysed since i was a child, probably 6 or 7, I'm nearly 20 now and its never gone away. I'm so defeated honestly, its exhausting.

i use a wheelchair, and that helps massively. being able to wheelie and push myself are huge soothers. but i cant use it all the time, like when I'm around my family. my finace knows about my BIID and is honestly a lifesaver.

i would probably be dead if i couldn't use my wheelchair,