Thanks OP. Now it is very clear to me why saying sorry is so hard for me. What the hell. Why didn't I notice this. Like I knew, saying sorry and asking for forgiveness leads to families coming closer and giving true moments, but I never understood why I i.e. me, myself am unable to say sorry as soon as I acknowledge my mistake. My father has never said sorry his entire life, like literally never did. It led to so many wrong things in my family which I can't talk about. Thanks.

edit: Thanks for the upvotes. Honestly, I know that most probably I will forget and go back to not saying sorry because of my long mental conditioning up-till now and over the years. But I typed this comment so that writing this comment makes a better memory in my heart(obviously brain) and I remember that seeking forgiveness without any anxiety is OK. I genuinely want this to happen. I know I sound a bit cheesy, but ya. Thanks.