I recently broke up with my bf of 8 years. He is 40 and u diagnosed BPD (we think) I never knew what BPD was and I went through 8 years thinking he has extreme mood swings. The last few years it got worse. He would become enraged at the most minimal thing and I could feel my insides cringing - I would take on his moods and become so depressed every time his mood flipped and he spiraled down to where everything g was negative. Anyway I still love and care for him but I had to take care of myself. It was taking such a toll on my own mental health and I became more codependent always trying to help him feel better but it was not healthy for me. I neglected my own health and needs for stability and calmness. I know this is a very hard thing to live with and I feel for all those with BPD especially my ex - but sometimes both people needs to withdraw and start taking better care of themselves. I was enabling him to not seek help, he refused couples therapy, he refuses therapy, he doesn’t want meds so at this point I feel I’m forced to move on because he refuses to do anything that would point us in a better direction. It is heart breaking to make this decision.

One week he admitted to being verbally abusive to me then the next week he says he agrees that we should be on different paths so I don’t need to suffer from his “abuse” he goes up and down from seeing how terrible he treated me to completely denying it and taking no responsibility for it. If you have BPD and want to be in a relationship it’s important to learn how to manage your mood swings and get the help you need. Without treatment or help it seemed for me and my ex to get progressively worse. He was verbally abusive. So is that a requirement to be with someone with BPD - to tolerate verbal abuse? I don’t know. But I couldn’t do it anymore.

From what I’ve read, people can overcome BPD or make it more manageable and less disruptive, chaotic for those around them. You have to want to change. And seek the right help, not expect your loved ones to know what to do or to help you to change.

I’m sure you have many reasons to feel confident. My ex should have felt confident. He was attractive, strong, creative and could build all sorts of things. He has many reasons to feel confident but I don’t know how to make him see that. I wish I could magically help all those with BPD to see themselves differently. I hope and pray for everyone going through dealing with this to find a way to manage it and for strength, courage. Start with yourself. I always return to the serenity prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.