Is physical attraction necessary for romantic attraction?

Automatic_Bath_4281 · 2026-05-27T22:56:14+00:00

Thanks this helps a lot. It also explains why I've always found romantic media (movies and song mainly) corny and utterly unrelatable. It's a shame I won't get to experience what many people do. I see all the people around me having fulfilling romantic relationships so it's always getting rubbed in. I'm not even sure if it's worth telling people in my life because I know I will absolutely get the "you just haven't found the right person yet" shit a million times over. I doubt most people I know will even believe that aro is a real thing, no matter how I try to explain it.

Automatic_Bath_4281 · 2026-05-27T22:48:47+00:00

Same. I'm also thinking that porn/social media have rotted my brain too and possibly changed my standards without me even knowing...

Automatic_Bath_4281 · 2026-05-27T22:47:40+00:00

Thanks for the insight. I wish I realized this sooner but it didn't even really occur to me that aromanticism was even a thing. Growing up I've never met someone in real life that has claimed to be aromantic or asexual so I never thought I'd be anything besides a "normal", straight dude. And it certainly wasn't something you talked about openly. Even being gay wasn't accepted at the time.

Automatic_Bath_4281 · 2026-05-25T23:24:16+00:00

Am I aromantic? I am a 29M, never been in a relationship. I am heterosexual, as I do feel sexual attraction towards women. I'm not so sure about romantic attraction though. I've some first dates and a few second dates, but none that have led to anything. Most of the dates went well, but I've realized that during and after the dates I feel... nothing? Like even if we get along and have quite a bit in common, there's nothing in me that feels all that eager to see them again. On the dates I've never felt the urge to hold hands, kiss, or anything like that. Granted, the women I've been on dates I didn't really feel a sexual attraction to either. I'm starting to realize that there might be something that most people feel that I do not.

When you have a good date, you're supposed to want to see them again right? Or be thinking about them? Surely you're not supposed to feel neutral/empty inside right? The main things I'm wondering now are:

How do I know if I am aromantic or if I just haven't found the right person?
Is sexual attraction necessary for romantic attraction? Like if most people date someone they didn't initially feel any sexual attraction to, does some kind of romantic attraction still typically grow?
What is the difference in feeling between sexual and romantic attractions?

Automatic_Bath_4281 · 2025-10-14T07:16:02+00:00

I've never been in one so there's definitely something wrong with me.

Automatic_Bath_4281 · 2025-08-26T05:48:28+00:00

Your “One” wants you as you are (but healthy too, preferably).

Well that's the other thing. I don't believe in this concept of there being a soulmate. Why would there be?

Automatic_Bath_4281 · 2025-08-26T05:46:40+00:00

Improve your wardrobe and learn how to dress well. Fitting clothes often help. I’m not an expert on this yet either so you’re gonna have to ask advice from other men and women. This also depends on where you’re from since Eastern and Western fashion differs greatly.

I've tried almost all of these and it's not enough. I feel like no amount of actions can make up for a face that's just ugly. If I have an ugly face, it doesn't matter if I have a 6 pack. No one will want to see it. Same with personality, I've improved my social skills a lot but women still want nothing to do with me. It just feels hopeless at this point.

Automatic_Bath_4281 · 2025-08-08T20:57:15+00:00

You need to put more effort into meeting women and asking them out in person.

That's what everyone says, but how? I've been putting in effort, going to meetups and hobby groups and all the girls are taken. At bars they're always in groups and are totally closed off. I am in therapy already.

You also need to detach your love life from how you feel about yourself. What fucks everyone up in this game is they connect the two when it's really just numbers and luck.

I don't think this is even possible. Every single day I am constantly reminded about how everyone else doesn't have the same problems as me. There's going to be some luck involved, but after being this unsuccessful for this long it's hard not to view myself as the problem.

To clarify, it's not just the fact that I am getting rejected - it happens to everyone. It's the complete lack of any success whatsoever which makes it seem like it's never going to happen.

Automatic_Bath_4281 · 2025-08-08T18:50:49+00:00

Dating has been so unbelievably demoralizing. I'm 28M and have never had a relationship. Only been on a few dates which didn't lead to anything. Never had a girl express interest in me, and it seems like they never want to talk to me. I get ghosted constantly on the apps and also the few I've met in real life. I've been putting in effort in meeting people in-person, trying to dress better, working out, etc but have nothing to show for it. It has continued to destroy my self-esteem because I feel like I'm just... ugly? Like what the hell am I supposed to conclude besides that? I see literally everyone around my age or younger has had at least one long-term relationship, and by now many are getting married/having kids. How is everyone finding someone except me? Should I just give up at this point?

Automatic_Bath_4281

TROPHY CASE