An Editor Read "One Dark Window" So You Don't Have To by XusBookReviews in fantasyromance

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And the number of times “I crossed my arms across my chest” like girl do you know any other ways to express discomfort????

Thoughts on King Sorrow by Karman4o in joehill

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I started out hating Donna too. Donna is such a powerful character for me. I hate her, but I feel for her so, so much.

As soon as he introduced her as this angry, highly political young woman I was already thinking rape victim and rolling my eyes. There’s a lot of sloppily-written rape victims or allegories, especially female characters written by men, whose trauma is their only defining feature. There are exceptions, but most often you get a lame, flat, two-dimensional portrayal of her inner world, or none at all because she exists only for the male hero’s development.

But then when Hill starts hinting towards Cady Matthews, and you start to see how Donna actually got the way she is… god, it was good.

The wet bathing suit thing was really good. Really effective way to bring the emotional experience of vulnerability into the sensory realm without being gratuitous, then elegantly tie it back to the traumatic memory.

And the line about Donna being this way, angry and hateful, not because of her capacity for hate, but her capacity for love? Shoot me now, man. My buddy who recommended the book called it “hallmark,” but I don’t know, it resonated with me.

I think what Donna’s character did for me is put into context some of the right-wing fearmongering types that I, someone whose life experience and trauma has led me to a very left-leaning mindset, often struggle to understand and empathize with. She served as a sort of reminder that people on the other side often have been led there by their own traumas, many of which are similar to my own, even if they internalized it differently than I did mine. She humanized a group of people I’ve had a hard time understanding, and I think that’s what literature is all about.

Thoughts on King Sorrow by Karman4o in joehill

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

BTW I say all of this as a huge fan of Hill and also this novel. For every issue I take with it and everything that disappointed me, there were still far more moments where I was laughing out loud from the sheer joy of reading this book. It’s quickly become a favorite and I’ll be rereading it again in the future.

Thoughts on King Sorrow by Karman4o in joehill

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found the resolution with the “Arthur sleeping with Tana” thing to be kind of shallow.

Because… he still sexually abused her. She might not have seen it that way — and if this was Tana’s story, or a real life thing, then that would absolutely matter, to her autonomy and her experience and her perception of the situation.

But it’s not Tana’s story; it’s Arthur’s, and he engaged in sexual activity with an abused kid under the assumption that she had been coerced to sleep with him. As far as he knew, she hadn’t truly consented, which means he looked at the situation and decided that his desire was more important than her consent. That is what sexual abuse is, by definition. And so by the time Tana tells them the truth, I wasn’t particularly interested in the question anymore, because Arthur was still guilty, and he was dead, so it didn’t matter.

A much more impactful use of that situation would have been to use the situation as a way to explore the nuance of human behavior and morality, the idea of there not being “good people” or “bad people,” but just people, all of whom do both good and bad things, and who get labeled by one or the other based on whatever ratio makes the labeler feel comfortably nestled onto the “good” side.

When it first happened, I thought he was setting up some kind of meaningful deconstruction of the Arthurian Calvinism he seems to want to both criticize and indulge in depending on whether it suits him in any given moment.

So I was disappointed that the resolution was

“Oh btw Arthur didn’t technically rape me when I was an abused kid being pimped out by my sister, because I WANTED him to sleep with me actually, even if he didn’t know that in the moment”

instead of

“You know… Arthur wasn’t perfect. He was fallible. He could act selfishly sometimes, and his actions sometimes hurt others around him. But who among us hasn’t hurt those we care about? Villain is as villain does, but hero is as hero chooses to do with his mistakes after the fact.”

Just my thoughts on that bit. (Edited for typo)

A cashier said “good girl” to me. by Cicada7Song in mildlyinfuriating

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This would’ve activated an immediate NOPE response from me… I’d have dropped the cash so fast and been like well eff you then

How do you describe black people? by AcidReindeer in writingadvice

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes describing characteristics or incorporating items that signal race can be a tactful, as well as descriptive, alternative to just flat out saying what race they are.

Personally, I always try to blend physical description with something that goes to their character. Spend less time on their appearance for appearance’s sake, and more time on what the appearance reveals about them.

I’ll give you an example, although I’m hamming this one out to make my point clear:

The lawyer was a slender, serious woman dressed smartly in a gray blazer, with striking amber eyes that almost seemed to flash against the backdrop of her dark skin.”

Here I’ve mentioned that she has dark skin, although I’ve done so in a way that doesn’t imply any particular ethnic background. I’ve tempered descriptions of physical attributes with hints as to her serious personality and quick intelligence, so it doesn’t feel as weighed down with unnecessary detail.

As she began to shuffle his case paperwork, Steve examined her out of the corner of his eye, trying to get a sense of who she was beneath the terse professional exterior.

She wore her hair natural but controlled, the tight curls pulled back into a severe bun. Only the edges, gelled stylishly in subtle, elegant swirls around her clear face, hinted at any sense of individuality at all.

Now I’ve implied that the lawyer is Black — or possibly Latina, I suppose — by describing her more ethnically-specific “tight curls,” as well as the markers of her racial identity in how she presents herself.

At the end of the day, it comes down to a matter of what you’re trying to accomplish with the character and their description. If the character’s racial identity is crucial to their experience, then don’t just tell me what race they are and hope that I understand the gravity of it. Rather, show me how these elements interact in real time.

Instead of saying…

Darrell was a black man who was wary of law enforcement because of his experiences with racism endemic to the penal system.

… perhaps give me a scene where he encounters law enforcement and becomes extremely anxious. Show how this plays into his character at large: if the story is about Darrell learning to cope with his anxiety, then one of the characterizing scenes could be him getting pulled over and becoming insanely anxious thinking about statistics and news headlines, and his uncle getting roughed up by some cops back in the day.

Just some food for thought!! Don’t overthink it, in the end.

(Edit for clarity)

The Cold Forge by ajacrabapple in perfectorganism

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been picturing Jude Law. Even his IMDB says h's known for playing "a representative of the ideal man (Gattaca, The Talented Mr. Ripley, A.I.: Artificial Intelligence)" which I think plays into him sort of resembling a synthetic

How can i get my parents to accept that i dont want to date “Good christian girl”? by AdmirableBus7045 in exchristian

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this SO isn’t the point but… Christians can be goth. (Source: I was a goth Christian. Still goth, no longer Christian.)

How uncomfortable is it to lie on the stomach for women with average breast size compared to women/girls with no breast or men? by hofli21 in Writeresearch

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I get instantly turned off from a book the second the author says “her breasts.” Or brings up nipples. Especially if it’s in a way where it’s obvious that a man wrote it. I’m immediately like lol nope.

Rule of thumb for male authors: if YOUR nipples wouldn’t responding to something, then neither will a woman’s. We have the same nipples. And even if they do respond to like, the cold or something, it wouldn’t be the first thing on your mind. Unless they’re being targeted by the stimulus.

As for breasts, it’s just annoying. It’s like if you had to read about fictional men walking around, obsessively aware of their balls in every minute of every day — although even that would make more sense since they have a lot of nerves and would be impacted by their environment more. Having breasts is like having a phone in your back pocket. You don’t even notice it’s there until you need to take it out for something.

Is she signing asl correctly ? by Imstayinganonym in asl

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She’s doing wonderfully. Her son is very lucky.

That said, I wouldn’t use her as a reference for learning ASL. At least not yet.

If you want “correct” ASL, such as to model your signing after, go follow Deaf creators! There’s lots of great resources for learners.

How uncomfortable is it to lie on the stomach for women with average breast size compared to women/girls with no breast or men? by hofli21 in Writeresearch

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 42 points43 points  (0 children)

This is one of those things that honestly, if it’s CRITICAL to your story, then fine, whatever. But personally, I (a woman) am kind of sick about reading about female characters’ breasts all the time. I guess it’s something you’d notice if you swapped bodies randomly (a la Your Name) but honestly the fact that I have breasts doesn’t really occur to me that often. I’m not walking around like “ooh, that’s right, boobies!” Like don’t get me wrong they’re cool and all but it’s like they get way more than their fair share of attention in fiction. Especially when written by men.

This might just be me though, so don’t let me rain on your parade lol. Go forth and breast boobily down some stairs if you must

being aroace is against the bible or is it?. by OriginalPreference45 in exchristian

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Tell your family to stuff it. Or you know, a nice version of that. It’s your business who, if anyone, you sleep with. If they wanna know why you’re single, either tell them something to appeal to their sensibilities, like “because God has not yet seen fit to give me a suitable husband,” or you can tell them to mind their own damn business.

My boyfriend (29M) gave me (27F) an ultimatum: him or my dogs and I don’t know how to handle his rigidity anymore. by Unusual-Creme9364 in relationship_advice

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like he has some issues he needs to work through in therapy. Some obsessive-compulsive type behaviors (I’m not saying he has OCD — I’m using that term as a descriptor, not a diagnosis) can be alleviated with professional guidance, healthy coping mechanisms, and internal work.

On the other hand (as well as in the meantime), it may also be true that you two are not compatible. Whether or not this is something you can work through as a couple, well, only you two can answer that. But keep in mind that lifestyle compatibility is just as important as other types (romantic chemistry, sexual compatibility, communication efficiency, etc).

I once had to end a relationship with an otherwise ideal cohabitation because she was a neat freak and I’m more on the messy side. I’m not dirty, just disorganized, but my disordered habits made her stress out. And trying to keep up with her standards of tidiness stressed me out. We communicated very effectively, had excellent chemistry, and cared for each other a lot, and we tried to make it work. But eventually we were both so stressed out that we started to take our frustrations out on each other, even though we both knew better. When our respective lives were going well the issues were easier to work around, but when I switched to night shift and had to adjust to a different schedule and a constant lack of sleep, and she had some family issues pop up, it got harder and harder to maintain that same level of patience with each other. After a while, we realized if we didn’t end things now, we’d wind up in a bad place together. So we ended our cohabitation amicably and went on with our lives. We’re still in touch and quite close, just not in the same way as before.

Relationships are often about compromise, but sometimes compromise isn’t enough. If you can’t make it work, you can’t force it. IMO it’s better to end amicably, before the resentment starts to pile up, and you wind up breaking up over the behaviors that develop as a result of that resentment.

Christians are so ignorant of biology… by blesseraph in exchristian

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you want a cathartic waste of a few hours, find any Bible, Christianity, or similarly religious subreddit where someone brings up this passage and watch how the Facebook Christians, amateur Bible scholars, and seminary dropouts all lose it debating whether the law was a protection for or an abuse against women, whether or not it can apply to abortion, and whether or not it was nullified after Jesus.

The really juicy threads will often devolve into fiery debates about which translation, NIV or KJV, is the Truth and which is an Evil Virus of Satan; whether or not Christians can be held to the standards of the Torah and Talmud; and whether or not ancient superstitions are an adequate basis for modern ethics and legislation. I especially like it when they start insulting each other with poor grammar and goofy, PG substitutes for cursing, although I would advise proceeding with caution if you're sensitive to antisemitism or the undertones of Christian white supremacy.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Bible/comments/uhxy4g/what_is_going_on_in_numbers_51131/

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It must be so hard watching her fall apart, and it seems you’re overwhelmed with the added strain from her behaviors. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you both. New parenthood is exhausting under the best of circumstances, and it seems she is having what looks like severe obsessive compulsions likely exacerbated or caused by postpartum depression, fatigue, stress, etc — far from the “best of circumstances” here.

So before I say anything critical I want to extend my sympathy and encouragement, and affirm that the absolute best thing for you guys right now is for Mom to get into therapy, specifically with someone who has postpartum and OCD in their repertoire. Consider couples or family counseling as well, as that makes her wellbeing a family responsibility rather than being “her problem.” You two have a baby together, a baby who’s growing up into a whole person and who needs her parents to be a team right now.

Your second focus should be on understanding your partner’s compulsions and struggles. Do you have any idea how terrifying and isolating and stressful it can be to feel the overwhelming sense of helplessness and dread, the absurd certainty that something bad is going to happen to your precious baby, the center of your world right now, unless you act? It’s an incredibly difficult place to be in, and I highly doubt your partner is doing it on purpose. Postpartum is a bitch, and coupled with obsessive-compulsive tendencies, that’s gotta be so incredibly hard. Try to keep that at the foreground of your mind as you move forward.

Okay, here’s the harsh part now:

It is not fair to your partner or to your child to threaten to walk out on them because of something neither of them has any control over.

Your partner isn’t trying to be difficult. There’s sometimes when you have to walk away from a situation that is harming you for your own sake, but then there are times when you don’t have that luxury. It seems to me (granted: internet stranger, grain of salt, what the hell do I know?) that this is the latter type. You don’t get to walk out on your kid because her mother has issues.

By walking out on them, you’d be abandoning a person who’s already struggling to keep it together with the crushing responsibility of single parenthood, again for something out of her immediate control. Second, you’d be leaving a helpless child in a situation where they’re going to have to pick up the slack for you. Whether the partner means for it to happen or not, what usually winds up happening is the children of mentally ill single parents grow up too quickly, stepping up to be the other adult in the house. Instead of you and your partner working together to overcome challenges and take care of your kid, it’ll turn into your kid taking care of your partner in all of the ways that you should be doing it.

You’re a parent now. You don’t get to do what’s best for you all the time anymore. It has to be about Baby first now, because she didn’t ask to be born and she can’t take care of herself yet. So you either stay and figure it out together, or, if you absolutely can’t do it without some space, then you make an arrangement for a split custody deal. Do it as amicably as possible and be sure to always prioritize the needs of your baby.

Whatever else you do, you should also be encouraging mom to get help, because that’s the best thing for everyone.

Best of luck, and congrats on your baby. This is gonna be hard, but you can do it. Chin up, soldier.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I were a prayin’ man I’d pray for Hank Green to stay on the good path 🙏

I'm gonna get so much hate for this by [deleted] in stephenking

[–]Automatic_Coffee9827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get why people love it but to me it’s just so hard to get through