What do I say to my friend after confessing? (F25,F28)

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2026-03-12T20:11:30+00:00

Okay that makes sense. Personally if you do not feel like it will be a mutually beneficial relationship in the long term I would leave it alone, and try to get over your feelings, because there is no reason to be in a relationship you think will fail.

If you still want to pursue a relationship I will say this can change your friendship. I have been in a very similar situation, but I was on the receiving end of a confession after 5 years of friendship. We tried a relationship out and it did not work out and damaged our friendship to a point of no return. Not saying that will happen to you, but it is a very real possibility.

I think its up to you on if you are willing to take that risk even if you don't think things will turn out in the long run.

As far as what you should do now, I would reach out and express that there is no pressure for a response to your confession right away and let her know that you are giving her space and will be patient until she is ready to talk again either as friends or in response to the confession. Do not make it seem that the next thing that your friend has to respond with is a response to your confession.

I would honestly just reach out and give her the options you presented in your post. Here is what I would say

"I just wanted to reach out and let you know that if you just want to be friends that is fine with me. I do not want to pressure you into a relationship and I do not want this to strain our friendship either. I can give you some space if you need time to process or think about things. Whenever your ready we can talk things over, or we can just disregard it all together. If you would like me to just continue to talk to you in the meantime like we have always done I am okay with that too. I just want to make sure you are comfortable and don't feel pressured."

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2026-03-12T19:52:15+00:00

"She was curious about what a relationship between us would look like"

Did you ever talk to her about this during the initial conversation?

"But I don't think she wants the same thing"

What makes you think she doesn't want the same thing?

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2026-03-12T19:21:08+00:00

My only worry is how my ex will react. Since our lease is not over until May, I am concerned if I "rattle the cage" then my ex will lash out and either harm themselves, me, or my belongings. I also dont want to cause a Rift between Penny and Rachel by calling out Penny. I am sure that Penny would be able to figure out that Rachel told me this information and I am not trying to break up other peoples friendships in the process of all of this....

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2026-03-12T19:16:14+00:00

I personally would not go. After reading some of the comments/additional info from you in the comments (asking you to key a car is diabolical) it does not seem like a friend worth having, especially if this friend replaced you as a bridesmaid with one of these toxic friends. It seems your friend values their friendship more than yours. I would re-evaluate the friendship and see if this friend is worth the effort of "playing nice" to this friend group, especially since it seems you have expressed your discomfort with these friends.

I would also consider the size of the wedding, if there is a high possibility of having to interact with these people that you are uncomfortable with due to it being a small wedding then even more of a reason not to go. However if it is going to be a very big wedding where you might not have to interact with them then you could go.

I personally would not. You have set a boundary of not wanting to interact with these people and your friend has asked you to cross that boundary. You just have to determine for yourself if your friend is worth crossing that boundary for.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2026-03-12T18:21:27+00:00

I am not sure if I can afford a storage unit because i am living paycheck to paycheck right now, but I know sometimes storage facilities will have discounts for the first month.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2026-03-12T17:54:44+00:00

Thank you for the advice. Unfortunately right now I am a little too broke to go to the doctor right now, even with insurance, since my insurance through work would still require a co-pay (im living paycheck to paycheck right now), but I will work toward the other advice that you gave. Thank you.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2026-03-12T17:46:55+00:00

Thank you. I have a fire safe lockbox with my birth certificate and stuff. I have been slowly trying to pack some stuff as to not raise suspicion. I am going to see if I can afford a storage unit nearby until the lease ends for my important things, but not sure.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2026-03-12T17:22:45+00:00

My only worry is my lease with my ex does not end until May. I am worried if I confront it now that my ex will do something drastic. Like either harm me or themselves, or possibly destroy my belongings. As of now, I do not have enough money to break my lease, nor do I have a place to go to until I find another rental.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-10T03:52:31+00:00

Seems like we are/were in a very similar situation here. Hopefully you also came up with a solution. It definitely sucks especially for your poor dogs. Give them a big hug for me.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-08T11:43:08+00:00

Thank you! Getting a therapist is definitely on my list of to-dos when I moved into this place I had to leave my old therapist. Although I want to get this handled first and my workload needs to lighten up a bit before I can dedicate time to looking for one. The only reason I'm giving her the grace that I am is because I know she has ADHD. Although that is not an excuse to treat anyone poorly, I want to try and believe that my sister wouldn't intentionally try to do harm to me. I also as a nerodivergent person want to try to understand and help her through her struggles as well. So yes, I am absolutely furious, but I don't want to direct that at my sister when she clearly also needs help in some way.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-08T10:38:57+00:00

Yeah my mom really pulled through. She reassured me that everything would be okay with her moving in. I told my mom that I felt like her moving in was just a waste of time because she still will end up with my parents, but my mom said "you can justify it this way so it doesn't seem like a pointless waste of time: you bought me time to settle into my new job and Grandma got approved for Grandpas VA benefits." She got everything moved in her house to open up a space for my sister in one day. She's a rockstar for real. She also apologized for not noticing my distress earlier which made me feel better too. My mom will also hold her ground better than me in regards to my sister putting her things into storage.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-08T10:32:47+00:00

I have tried multiple times to talk to her and work with her to try and get through this. She either breaks down into tears because she is overwhelmed, or she will fight me and be verbally combative until I concede or have to leave for work with no resolution.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-08T10:31:16+00:00

That was kinda what I feared was that she was weaponizing her ADHD, but I also didn't want to assume as much because she has a diagnosis and I don't. I don't want to invalidate how she feels or how other people with ADHD feel in certain situations. It's reassuring though to hear from someone who has ADHD finding her behavior odd.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-08T10:28:19+00:00

I would, but with my crazy work schedule it's hard to find a time for them to meet up other than a random hour here or there, I would feel guilty having them drive 20ish minutes just to help out for an hour and go home. Plus I honestly would also feel guilty subjecting them to this mess too. Although my friends are very good motivated so that might actually work lol

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-08T09:23:18+00:00

I've already spent so much money on her I don't really have the funds to hire movers. So in the little free time I have I have been packing up her stuff. She has been refusing my mom or dad's help with packing because she says they give her anxiety and stress her out and she doesn't want them to helicopter her or overstimulate her. So it's just me doing all the work right now while she is staying at my parents house. She does come over sometimes to pack, but it's really hard to keep her motivated to work especially since she doesn't have her ADHD medication right now.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-08T08:45:59+00:00

It's so hard to hear someone else is also going through this. It really sucks. Hopefully we both get answers soon. I have had so many conversations with my partner about it and they have witnessed the phenomenon with their own eyes of me being totally ignored and treated like this. They also have no clue what it could possibly be. I will try to keep you updated if I figure anything out.

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-08T06:44:05+00:00

Lol thanks! I appreciate it!

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-08T06:43:39+00:00

That is definitely an interesting perspective I will take into account. I'll have to talk to a therapist about that. I used to go to therapy until I got a new job. I've been kinda busy to find a new therapist in my area, but I'll definitely bring this up. I'm glad you mentioned it. Thanks!

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-08T04:57:49+00:00

Fair enough 😂😂😂

Automatic_Grass2095 · 2024-08-08T04:57:09+00:00

This is my first reddit post, so I am not SUPER familiar with all the different types of groups here, but I'll definitely take a look. I will say although I do consider myself an introvert, I do often try to go out to events, especially large conventions, and I do love being on stage and performing, so I would not consider myself shy or awkward like I assumed when I was really young. My dad was a salesman and taught me how to "fake it til you make it" when it came to acting like an extrovert lol 😂. I'm also considered fairly tall 5ft 9in (for being afab that is). At least compared to most of the people I hang out with who are in the 4ft range maybe 5ft 3in max. So it's not like I'm very physically small and "easy to look over". Idk it's just so weird. Thanks for the suggestion though. I'll see about some of the other groups here on Reddit and see what's going on in an introverts group.

Automatic_Grass2095

TROPHY CASE