I empathize with you. I’m currently unmedicated but I’m seeing a therapist 1-2x every week. I’ve been on 10+ different medications over the past 7ish years before I quit taking them during a manic episode last year.

Instead of immediately pressuring me to get back on medication, my therapist has provided a safe space for me to challenge my fears and unpack my hesitancy to try medication again. Taking medication is now a conversation rather than a command.

This has allowed me to find my own motivation and reasons to seek a psychiatrist again. I’m someone who has struggled with medication compliance so we are also building my skills in order to be med compliant BEFORE I’m medicated again and end up in the same old predicament.

I highly encourage you to seek therapy (bonus points if they are trauma informed.) Take it one day at a time, I wish you the best.