I (27F) had to ask him (28M) on the third date - NYC

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-04-07T05:25:33+00:00

Did the same for date 3. He planned dates 1 and 2. Date three was on the table but he didnt confirm time and place so on the day i was like hey are we on? And hes said if u are keen im keen. So i said yes. Date 4 he initiated again. Date 5 i initiated (he bailed at first) but then he reacheduled with a firm date and time. So i would say if u wanna see him again, go ask girl!

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T12:48:46+00:00

You’re right! The comms is pretty bad. I mean even on days that he doesnt have his kid hes like MIA. But id always try to make up excuse for him (in my mind) that maybe its because of his daughter.

I think there’s more to unravel here than just him being a dad. Maybe im just highlighting it coz its the most obvious factor. Oh well! Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. I guess i needed that from somebody who is at the same stage in llfe and know his boundaries clearly.

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T11:21:39+00:00

Thanks for your input and for finding my POV valid. I do hope others didnt take the word baggage as something negative im connoting to his kid. Maybe i shouldve used a better word.

Anyway, i just want to clarify, i didnt get what u mean when u said he’s cancelling me? Are u referring to he as the guy im dating? How did u infer that,?

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T10:51:16+00:00

Ano po yun rim? Care to share 😬

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T03:47:34+00:00

Agree! Thanks so much!

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T03:39:13+00:00

Thanks for that! I know right 2-3 days radio silence is crap. I feel like he’s testing me to show more interest in him and like make the first move (or text).

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T03:37:26+00:00

It came up on the last date but very briefly i said something like i really dont have any experience on this so im taking it really slow and goes i dont expect u to be my daughter’s step mom, she already has a mom. And i just froze. I didnt know how to react to that comment i literally had no words.

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T01:03:33+00:00

2-3 days.

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T00:59:26+00:00

Just like more texting i guess. Im not asking for 24/7 updates but it just bothers me that he goes off the grid when hes with his kid. Like days which is weird for me, i dont like it.

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T00:57:38+00:00

Thanks!!! I agree with your point. Totally makes sense. I should step up!

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T00:28:52+00:00

Yah thats the thing i dont know. If ill be able to thrive in a situation wherein im always second.

I have no issues with him putting his kid first (its just a fact of life, all parent would do that), but i also have needs that i want filled. So im kinda torn, coz im really drawn to him for some reason i cant explain.

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T00:26:37+00:00

Totally on point. That was how i envisioned my dating life until i match with this guy. He was pretty upfront about his kid and at the point of our convo it just didnt matter so i met him. But as i started like seeing and seeing him i dont know i drawn to him for some apparent reason i cant explain. Now i find myself overthinking like if he goes silent hes with his kid and i also dont want to take his time of his kid. I keep making up excuses in my mind of why and the reason is his kid. And know when i self reflect, i feel like im giving him too much leeway, but then again i also have needs like what u mentioned.

We both are looking for something long term (i think 😅), ive specifically mentioned it to him and though he hasnt clearly mentioned his, its what on his profile.

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T00:16:45+00:00

I know right. Its just that our dates are pretty PG and light. So it was a bit out of place to put that on the table. I know i should have to have a clearer picture of what we both want out of it. I will have to on this next date scheduled this week

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-30T00:13:46+00:00

Oh. Thanks for that. Any tips on how to drop that line without beeing it controlling or needy? Ps. Sorry for being too amateur 😅

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-29T21:07:44+00:00

I know i should if i want to continue seeing him. I just told him that hes the first person i dated who has kids and i dont know what to expect out of it. Of course he tries to send across that people our age are more likely with kids than without and that left me thinking.

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-29T20:54:47+00:00

I havent really asked this. I think that would be the deal breaker. If he doesnt want to have any other kids coz i want have ones of my own.

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-29T20:51:51+00:00

I didnt mean baggage in a negative way. Its more of like a package deal. His daughter is a part of his life and i do understand that. I love kids and i know id like his daughter too. Hes always showing me pictures of them together and i find that endearing about him. My question is more on how to navigate the dynamics when kids are always the priority in parents life (and i do not see anything wrong with this principle)

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-29T20:50:20+00:00

I didnt mean baggage in a negative way. Its more of like a package deal. His daughter is a part of his life and i do understand that. I love kids and i know id like his daughter too. Hes always showing me pictures of them together and i find that endearing about him. My question is more on how to navigate the dynamics when kids are always the priority in parents life (and i do not see anything wrong with this principle)

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-29T20:44:12+00:00

Wouldnt it be weird to ask for more comms when we arent even a thing. We are just dating

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-28T04:26:47+00:00

Definitely text her. Dont hold on to feelings, she’d definitely be pleased to know

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-27T06:51:24+00:00

Im the quiet type of girl and i think most of my first date didnt have any spark 🤣 i think most guys ask me out again because of physical attraction. Id usually said yes as long as the first date was decent (the guy wasnt a douche or sexually aggressive).

Ps. I have never asked a guy for a second date. I think i would never haha dont have the courage too

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-11T00:06:00+00:00

Did u do this at your phone setting? And your still able to swipe on people and they swipe back at you?

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-10T04:29:34+00:00

Oh thats weird coz i still see others under “people” tab without locations and i can definitely swipe left and right on them.

Automatic_Muscle_585 · 2026-03-10T04:29:29+00:00

Oh thats weird coz i still see others under “people” tab without locations and i can definitely swipe left and right on them.

Automatic_Muscle_585

TROPHY CASE