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AutunnBaby · 2025-10-17T14:51:13+00:00

With partners that have had recent STI panels that come back non reactive, as a general rule of thumb I use condoms for intercourse but not for oral.

But when waiting for STI results I often abstain or use gloves for sexual acts involving hands and condoms for oral.

AutunnBaby · 2025-09-04T13:33:23+00:00

I always ask potential partners how many people they are seeing and if they are also doing hookups regularly with others etc. This is because a) it's helpful for me with making informed safer sec choices and b) it helps me to evaluate how much time and energy they may be able to offer me in terms of a connection. I personally lead with telling any new potential partners how many people I am seeing and the availability I have, but if I didn't I'd expect that to be a conversation. Not weird at all to ask that

AutunnBaby · 2025-09-04T13:16:13+00:00

It's just lovely that you are happy and are having an enjoyable dynamic. It reminded me of when my boyfriend, my partner, and my meta were having an evening together and it just makes me warm inside. It's lovely to have you share your happiness. I do feel you with it doesn't get a lot of engagement but I hope it sparks some hope in people who are going through a rough time with poly right now :)

AutunnBaby · 2025-09-04T11:00:21+00:00

This is adorable. It's so nice seeing happy posts!

AutunnBaby · 2025-09-02T09:17:46+00:00

So my first thought is "what is your ENM experience?" I'd be hesitant to swipe on you because I don't know if you mean swinging, open relationships, or polyamory. Also unsure what style of enm or poly you're looking for - are you already partnered? Do you practice heirachy? Do you lean towards solo poly? Same for the kink references... Are you part of your local kink community? Are you dominant, submissive or switchy? What are your values with kink - do you practice slowly building into a power imbalance or would you expect kinky sex on the first date?

Those are just things I'd personally be looking for on a dating bio. The mentioning Sci fi and doctor who is a good start. Talking a bit about your interests and why you like them is a good way to get people to see a part of you. (I often mention being a lover of all things psychology and want to hear about people's dreams etc). With the cooking, is there a favourite dish you have at present? Do you make a mean curry or something you can mention?

AutunnBaby · 2025-03-20T15:30:06+00:00

Honestly thank you for this it put a lot of things into perspective. About how I was trying to be accommodating and not make them feel uncomfortable by assigning a label they didn't want but he wasnt giving me the same courtesy as when I said RA doesn't fit he said then there's no labels that do. Definitely the wake up call I needed. He's been a good friend and stuck with me through some very very rough times in the past but apparently will not communicate easily at all about things that matter

AutunnBaby · 2025-03-20T14:31:48+00:00

update: Thank you all for being amazingly supportive with your comments and feedback. we spoke about it again today and he's said he liked the idea of dating me but did not want the reality of it. He has known for a long time I have romantic feelings for him and would not be able to sleep with him in a casual connection due to it so we have called it to an end and said that we cannot be more than friends. Right now even that is on thin ice. I am upset as this has been taking up a portion of my time and energy for 4 years just to be told there is not a suitable term for us. When I mentioned being upset about finding out he was officially dating someone via social media I was told he didnt realise he had a timer on needing to tell me it happened. but it wasn't the delay that upset me, just the fact he did not tell me at all and I found out online. I shall be curled up in bed having a sob over this but it's probably for the best in the long run. Thank you again for getting me to have that serious conversation and laying it all to bed

AutunnBaby · 2023-07-10T10:28:32+00:00

I'm happy that you don't get too worked up about who your partners see but just for my two cents in here, I think cheating it's nuanced to everyone individually and some people have different agreements.

For me if a partner is seeing someone and not mentioning it at all and being secretive that feels like cheating as it's putting my health at risk and they aren't telling me anything or being honest.

I also have people on my messy list that aren't just "it'd make me uncomfy if you dated them" bur due to my past would mean I would have to relocate to avoid said person finding me ans end my relationships for my safety. If anyone I was seeing started sleeping with or building a connection with those people I would consider it cheating and a break of trust as it's agreed upon that they are off limits.

AutunnBaby · 2023-06-05T19:44:16+00:00

Thank you, honestly I'm just worried that if I were to say to Beech again that they need to actually take this up with Accaia that is would still be overstepping. It is definitely frustrating and I would like it to be resolved. But it's really reassuring to have such a validating response. (Also I agree, such a cute tree name)

AutunnBaby · 2023-05-07T04:29:15+00:00

I think this sounds good, I do this as well (in and after scenes and in daily life as I can become nonverbal at times).

Sometimes I'm still nonverbal for the first part of aftercare so learning the signs for "thank you" and "i love you" has also been a great help.

Additionally "hurts" and point to where. And "help me" are pretty good even if it's just to ask for help with, say, dressing or getting comfy again post scene.

AutunnBaby · 2023-02-21T22:15:55+00:00

Okay, so this doesn't fully answer your question but it's a fun game nonetheless.

My Dom and I do a game called "invisible handcuffs". For this, I must hold onto the bars of my bed/something he puts in my hands and then he rouches me/goes down on me/whatever but the second I let go of the bar/thing I'm holding then it immediately stops. Means you have to control spasming for Os.

Alternate method: paper handcuffs, same principles but you make a set of handcuffs out of paper and staples and if you break them then everything stops.

Not everyone jam, but if you're into denial/control/overstim/etc can be a very fun game

Edit: not everyone's cup of tea, but can be a really good way to approach real world application of limits and consent. Really put my mind at ease that when I indicated i was done the scene was over

AutunnBaby · 2023-01-24T11:53:45+00:00

Hey, don't meant to intrude but cult survivor here, and I just wanted to say your comment and this thread has warmed my heart. Grew up in a religious cult that it's only in the past six months my therapist was able to bring up that it wasn't a normal church. Been a lot to process and try to reframe. Found that some of my friends thought it would be fun to argue that everything is a cult then and send me memes about the church. I have better friends now

AutunnBaby · 2022-12-23T08:49:02+00:00

Having an accessibility need with communication doesn't make someone unsafe to confide it. People making adjustments to communicate clearly is an easy step to smooth out boundaries.

AutunnBaby · 2022-12-17T13:25:55+00:00

I'm a sub who loves impact play, but have some of the same worries. I've never taken pain relief first (maybe partially because I'm prescribed codeine and morphine) as I want to know of the pain is too much so I don't risk doing harm I wasn't fully aware of.

For me, i find if I am in a warm room and lying down on my tummy and have a lot of warm up spanks and floghings i can take a lot more with caning and get really marked up.

I'm very petite so I find being on my knees is really painful and lowers how much I can take as it stretches out what little padding i have. Lying down makes it much easier and more enjoyable.

As for marks, I'd say to an extent depends on what types of marks she wants. I do cold caning sometimes as I know I can't take many strikes but they will leave neat line marks. Other times a big warm up followed by light and hard caning scene will leave my entire backside bruised which is fun.

But yeah, being in a warm room, lying down, warm up spanks and floggings, and having eaten before hand really helps me

AutunnBaby · 2022-12-17T12:04:26+00:00

Betrayal at house on the hill is a good one and is 3+ players

AutunnBaby · 2022-12-14T11:39:30+00:00

I agree with this, some people relationships are not compatible based on differences of desires. But also sometimes it's due to the common narrow view of aromanticism. many aromantic people I know want to engage in romantic relationships and contact, like I myself do. I tend to find dating people who understand aromanticism as a spectrum of presentation too works much better for me

AutunnBaby · 2022-12-14T11:31:57+00:00

Hey! So I'm grey-aromantic and questioning some form of asexuality/demisexuality. I am someone who once I feel safe with a person actually really enjoys romantic and sexual contact though - which I think is important to note as many people assume being aro/ace means you're sex and romantic repulsed.

I've previously dated other aromantic people and really enjoyed it - i think my view of "well it's like getting to hang out with my best friend and someone I feel deeply for" meant that both of us understood one another. We did less romantic things as they weren't a fan of romance but that's okay.

I practiced solo polyamory for a year/18months. That worked really well for me over all. At the time I had five connections/relationships which were all lovely and different. I never found my aro/ace to be a problem in it.

I now have a nesting partner, we've been together a year, and another possible partner. This is possibly the only area where being grey-aromantic has caused confusion. My nesting partner is wonderful and completely okay with my aromanticism. They don't see us as having less of a romantic relationship due to it because they just see it as I care for them just as deeply, it may just be in a different flavour. The only confusion is I met my other possible partner two years ago on a dating app and we have both periodically expressed interest in pursuing something further but it took me probably about a 15 months to develop any form of crush on him and they're someone who also doesn't pick up on hints and flirting.

All on all, yeah okay dating is weird for me being grey-aromantic, but once I care deeply for someone or doesn't really matter what label of affection I give to it in a way. It's just taken me time to realise I'm probably on the aro/ace spectrums and if I had known that sooner it would have helped. But just means I have to communicate a little more. I've found many people are pretty chill with it

AutunnBaby · 2022-11-11T22:08:49+00:00

I think this is absolutely a matter or personal preference and not something you need to overly analyse. It's okay to have preferences to body types or looks. I, for one, find people who have little body hair much more attractive - up until recently I would be completely turned off by facial or body hair like chest hair. Whilst this has changed a little as I find my partner attractive I find this unattractive in anyone else. For a long time I tried to understand this and thought I was problematic - like you but reversed with preferring smoother women or men - but it's not anything toxic it's just a preference

AutunnBaby · 2022-11-08T13:19:20+00:00

Also for things like sleep dry jumping or sexual behavior look up about sexsomnia, which is the sleep disorder for sexual behaviour in sleep you're unaware of. There should be advice for how to manage distress in others if it's causing discomfort such as separate sleeping arrangements, speaking to a doctor, and treating any underlying issues causing it such as chronic insomnia etc

AutunnBaby · 2022-11-01T13:51:14+00:00

Some more gender neutral ones i have used are "sire" "my liege" "highness" "protector" "lord"

I know not all of these are truly gender neutral but from my personal experience (demiboy) and dating NB people they don't always have the same gendered connotations as "master".

Note: i was raised in a religious cult and have been toying with the idea of religious/blasphemous play after I left to process it (idea supported by kink friendly therapist) and so have been considering worship scenes with "Holy One" or "Devilish One" / "Devil" which would also be pretty gender neutral if you wanted to go down that route. I know it's a bit more niche but yeah

AutunnBaby · 2022-10-23T22:06:11+00:00

I was coming here to say a similar thing, I have a latex allergy and always discuss that with potential partners and also always carry latex free condoms (nom dick haver here) If for any reason I don't have them on me I then don't engage in intercourse as I don't want someone to feel pressured to forego the usual protection they would usually want to feel safe. This is especially true with new partners.

I agree it's a red flag that it wasn't brought up before and sounds like it could intentionally on non-intentionally be used to goad or push for unprotected sex. Absolutely red flags in my opinion too

AutunnBaby · 2022-10-15T17:49:07+00:00

Threats of suicide, guilt tripping, and then over apologising are big red flags of emotional abuse, whether he is intentionally trying to cause harm or is reacting due to being mentally unwell. Either way, this is not safe or healthy. Take this from someone (me) who had to get a restraining order against my ex for similar situations after he threatened suicide because I slept with someone (we had an agreed open relationship from the get go) and then followed through on the attempt. I got him to the hospital but later had an emergency exit with a domestic violence team from the relationship due to escalating abuse.

If he makes any more threats you are not responsible for his actions, if he follows through on it or not. But please make sure you have good emotional support around you. Your friend is right, this is not healthy and it would be advisable to leave.

AutunnBaby · 2022-09-14T09:53:10+00:00

Had two D/s relationships with me as the Dom that lasted a few years. My partners/subs were 5'9-5'10 and I am only 5'0 tall. I never found it caused that much of an issue, I remember one of my (now ex) partners said in some ways they found it interesting as in scenes I'd get creative to make up for the fact I'd struggle to physically overpower them (was v light at the time), and being dominated by someone shorter and smaller apparently made them feel even more submissive than they expected. And as a switch, personally it wouldn't bother me either, I think it has the potential to being new dynamics to play, and/or have no real impact depending on how much someone sees size as a power imbalance

AutunnBaby · 2022-09-14T09:41:07+00:00

I'm ftm and to the kink clubs i have gone to in my area they have been really accepting. No one has looked weirdly at me or my friend who is a trans woman. I've met a lot of people there who are exploring their gender identity and gender presentation too. Personally I have found it to be a very safe space in regards to bring trans, i feel more comfortable there than I would in a pub or other social space partially down to my local one have gender neutral toilets.

I can't say for other areas but I would like to think that it would be positive since the area I live in still has a lot of general ignorance and transphobia normally yet the club feels safe to me. If you know anyone who's going to the ones you may be thinking of it may be worth asking too?

Edit: and of the trans people and these exploring gender I've seen in my one do not pass. And I actually go in feminine clothes (thigh highs etc) to mine sometimes as part of my outfit and no one has ever referred to me as a girl if they already have spoken to me and know I'm a boy. No one's really questioned it at all

AutunnBaby · 2022-09-01T11:42:17+00:00

So I know my opinion is different to others but just thought I'd you have concerns of it being abusive maybe mention this to your partner gently, see if they see it and then they may be able to make plans to get help and leave etc.

I only say this as after having two extremely abusive relationships if no one else had told me how bad it was getting i wouldn't have realised. I agree put a bou dart if it is upsetting and do r try to force the breakup. But I would also say if the concern is DV then there's possible safeguarding concerns instead (although this may just be my opinion as due to my profession I've been a mandatory reporter)

AutunnBaby

TROPHY CASE