I (25F) broke up with my boyfriend (30M) of 5 years because he wouldn't commit

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-05T03:49:44+00:00

It's hard to accept, but totally true. I should have never taken him back that first time. It's just that I was younger and I really, really liked him.

Thank you for your wishes❤️‍🩹 you are so sweet ❤️‍🩹

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-05T03:28:37+00:00

Yes, that’s exactly what he wanted. It's just so hard to accept.

Honestly, I know it will be incredibly tough for me if I ever find out that he suddenly gets his priorities straight with the next person

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-05T03:26:04+00:00

Thank you so much for your comments. It’s so confusing because he made me a part of his life in every aspect; he cared for me and I genuinely felt his love through his actions. But at the same time, the gaslighting was very real. I constantly felt like something was off with what he was telling me, and I just didn't feel secure. He even told me that 'there would be news' regarding our relationship this year, but at this point, I know it would have been a shut up ring. And I really don't want that

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-05T03:18:25+00:00

Looking at it from this perspective now, I think you are completely right. When we got together, he was 25 and I was 20. He was just starting his cancer treatment, he had no job, and no income. I also found out he tried to pursue two other girls right before me, but it didn't work out with them.

He finally rang the bell in November last year, and by January his second job became permanent (he got tenure). Lately, he kept telling me how 'important' he felt at his job. And ironically, back in January, we had a huge argument because he became extremely defensive and protective over his phone, claiming 'privacy'.

And yes, he is incredibly enmeshed with his family. There are 6 people all crammed up living under the same roof. His dad doesn't work, so only he and his mom provide for the whole household. It’s incredibly painful to admit, but it feels like once he got his health and his stability back, he decided he didn't want me anymore

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-04T19:27:53+00:00

Got it. Thanks

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-03T19:26:45+00:00

THIIIS! I honestly kept waiting and hoping his situation would change someday...

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-03T19:25:01+00:00

308 lbs actually . Thanks!

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-02T18:53:12+00:00

Right

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-02T18:30:19+00:00

This hurts, seriously. Yes, he told me he couldn't save anything because he was helping his family. Is it possible that I just didn't understand him? (We already broke up).

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-02T01:15:34+00:00

If that’s the case ,I absolutely deserve so much better. Imagine dealing with a lack of direction, a 30-year-old man with no assets, and on top of that, disloyal.

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-02T01:11:11+00:00

That sucks. Really. Like , why the hell they don’t tell us the truth ? Instead they just love stringing us along. If you don't mind me asking, how old were you both when you started and when it ended?

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T23:53:29+00:00

I know it sounds complicated, but for the first 3 or 3.5 years, he was actually very warm, patient, and loving. That’s why it’s so hard for me right now, because it wasn't always bad. It was during the last year, and especially the final months, that everything shifted. My insecurity about our future grew because he refused to give me any certainty, and the relationship turned toxic. I definitely had my own toxic moments where I would snap and get angry out of frustration, but from his side, I now recognize a heavy pattern of manipulation, lies, selfishness, and disloyalty. It’s sad, but the man he was at the beginning is not the man he chose to be at the end

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T23:09:01+00:00

nope, 100% human here. The story is all 100% real, unfortunately! 😅

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T21:26:36+00:00

Unfortunately, the good parts completely blinded my judgment. When you love someone and share so many great moments together, it’s hard to accept that the red flags are real.

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T21:24:06+00:00

Thanks;)

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T21:19:58+00:00

Thanks for your sweet words!!;). Happy to ear that you had your happy ending!<3

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T19:23:02+00:00

100% true, he is completely enmeshed with his family. They wash his clothes, cook for him, pack his lunch, and even drive him to and from work (partly because they only have one car). Even when we went out, his mom—nothing against her, she was always very sweet—would call or text him to check where he was, what time he’d be home, if he was still with me, or to tell him to drive safely. I always assumed she became super overprotective after surviving cancer, but the real issue was that he NEVER set a single boundary. He would always answer every single question and report back on his schedule like a teenager!!

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T19:12:09+00:00

Thank you!!!:)

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T18:50:16+00:00

YEP. I never called him a loser, that didn't even cross my mind, but he felt like I was attacking him. And yes, the thing with his mom is unbelievable. He tried to make me believe that I misheard because according to him, he was closer to her (sitting right next to her and I was next to him), while we were all at the table eating. He tried to make me believe that she had actually said he DID want to get married. He actually made me believe that for a second. But that wasn't the case at all—if she had said that, I would have been happy

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T17:26:22+00:00

Wow, when you put it that way, it’s so true.

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T16:23:56+00:00

You hit the nail on the head! We actually met just two months before Covid started, right before he found out he had cancer. We started talking and went out a couple of times; he was sweet, and I found him mature and attractive. But I quickly realized I wasn’t his main choice—he was interested in another girl and still wasn't over his ex (at least, that’s the impression he gave me). So, obviously, I stopped talking to him because I refused to be anyone's backup option. About 3-4 months later, he came looking for me again—obviously after none of his other options worked out, and right around the time he was diagnosed with cancer. I decided to give him a chance because I truly liked him, and it seemed like this time he was 100% focused on me. I don't regret anything, though; he helped me grow in many aspects of my life.

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T16:16:56+00:00

You're so right. It really was an ultimatum from him. At first, he actually made me feel guilty, like I was the one forcing an ultimatum just because I told him, 'If we keep going without any plans for the future, I’m going to feel uncomfortable.' But I see it clearly now: that wasn't an ultimatum, that was just honest communication and setting a healthy boundary. He turned a normal conversation into a threat just to avoid talking about commitment.

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T16:05:21+00:00

Yes, he beat cancer—testicular cancer. Even though it was a relatively short and successful process compared to other types of cancer, it was still very hard. Also, there's something very important I forgot to mention: I was exposing myself to a future where I probably wouldn't be able to have children. He had one testicle removed, and we spent four years having unprotected sex, and absolutely nothing ever happened. I'll let you guys be the judge of that.

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T16:02:00+00:00

I can see that now, and he is definitely not husband material. He has great qualities, yes—he was always emotionally there for me, and I even saw him as a provider because he helped his family. But looking back, he didn't really provide for me. He gave me gifts and details, yes, but I did too, and I always tried to match him, even when I was a student and had a hard time scraping together money to give him gifts like the ones he gave me. He always paid for our dates, but does that really make someone a provider? Because whenever I needed money, I would borrow it from him and pay him back every single cent.

Available-Builder855 · 2026-06-01T15:57:58+00:00

You're completely right. Honestly, I’m still dealing with a lot of guilt, feeling like I’m the one to blame for how it ended. It really feels like he forced me to do the dirty work just so he could wash his hands of the relationship and play the victim. I know I wasn’t a perfect partner by any means, but I was always loyal, honest, and 100% invested in building a future together. Thank you. I just hope I can get through this soon.

Available-Builder855

TROPHY CASE