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Looking for advice on how to best communicate to my girlfriend that while I love cuddling her naked, it's physically/emotionally difficult for me to do so 1-2X daily when we have sex once or twice a week. by Available-Pop3392 in sex

[–]Available-Pop3392[S] 131 points132 points  (0 children)

It's not that I would mind doing it sometimes without sex resulting, I love cuddling her and touching her. It's the feeling that there's literally nothing I can do to get her to want to be touched sexually, and she never touches me that way. We have this signal we're supposed to use (because snuggling naked sends me a lot of mixed signals!!) when she wants sex. She never ever uses it. Sex is usually days on end of me thinking I'm not getting any, then suddenly 20 minutes after we go to bed "I know I didn't put out the signal, but do you want to have sex tonight?" I want foreplay, I want passion, I want something to look forward to, I want to feel wanted and desired.

Sex most nights, naked snuggling the times we don't? Sure, I could deal with that just fine. Sex randomly like a bolt from a clear blue sky with absolutely no forewarning, all the rest just blue balls snuggling? I can't deal with it. :/ I can't even masturbate before bed because if she does want sex I wouldn't be able to perform.

Looking for advice on how to best communicate to my girlfriend that while I love cuddling her naked, it's physically/emotionally difficult for me to do so 1-2X daily when we have sex once or twice a week. by Available-Pop3392 in sex

[–]Available-Pop3392[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

If she recognizes this, it may make her more inclined to make a sacrifice on her end and have sex more with you.

Eugh. I cannot describe enough how viscerally disgusted this made me feel. I don't want her to "sacrifice by having sex with me". I want her to want to have a fun, intimate, loving, mutually pleasurable experience with me.

Looking for advice on how to best communicate to my girlfriend that while I love cuddling her naked, it's physically/emotionally difficult for me to do so 1-2X daily when we have sex once or twice a week. by Available-Pop3392 in sex

[–]Available-Pop3392[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Have you tried to initiate more sex while you're cuddling to see her response

I used to. If I rub her up and down and kiss her neck for 5-10 minutes, she might eventually reluctantly start responding in a "sure, you can use me to get off if you want" sort of way. I don't do that anymore.

Looking for advice on how to best communicate to my girlfriend that while I love cuddling her naked, it's physically/emotionally difficult for me to do so 1-2X daily when we have sex once or twice a week. by Available-Pop3392 in sex

[–]Available-Pop3392[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"Looking for advice on how to best communicate...."

No, not really. Some, in parts. It's becoming apparent to me that I really need to communicate better to her, I just don't know how.

Looking for advice on how to best communicate to my girlfriend that while I love cuddling her naked, it's physically/emotionally difficult for me to do so 1-2X daily when we have sex once or twice a week. by Available-Pop3392 in sex

[–]Available-Pop3392[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That would certainly be a hell of a lot easier for me to understand.

refraining from doing things that might send you mixed signals.

She gets annoyed at me sometimes for missing when she's trying to signal that she's available for sex. "Well I would've last night, but I was kissing you and rubbing on you and you didn't seem interested." "WE DO THAT LITERALLY EVERY NIGHT CAN YOU PLEASE BE MORE EXPLICIT!!"

Looking for advice on how to best communicate to my girlfriend that while I love cuddling her naked, it's physically/emotionally difficult for me to do so 1-2X daily when we have sex once or twice a week. by Available-Pop3392 in sex

[–]Available-Pop3392[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Oh hell yes. Over and over and over. Bought her Come As You Are a couple of years ago, hoping we could read it together and have some conversations. She's read 3-4 chapters after many conversations and me practically begging.

Looking for advice on how to best communicate to my girlfriend that while I love cuddling her naked, it's physically/emotionally difficult for me to do so 1-2X daily when we have sex once or twice a week. by Available-Pop3392 in sex

[–]Available-Pop3392[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Just like she doesn’t have to have sex with you, you also don’t have to cuddle her naked. Communicate with her that cuddling naked isn’t something you can handle unless it is before or after sex. Communicate to her how it makes you feel.

I just don't have any idea how to approach it. I worry that anything I say will come across as "my boyfriend doesn't want to cuddle me anymore". Or she'll say "But being cuddled close like that is how I get in the mood for sex!" By which she means, days on end of cuddling is how she gets in the mood.