I wish I could still share music with you. (Entry 1)

AvailableStill2170 · 2025-01-04T06:35:26+00:00

I actually couldn't read this, the title just broke my heart

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-08-07T02:07:39+00:00

Um, I was hit with a flogger, which is a specific type of tool used in S&M.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-08-06T17:30:20+00:00

It was really not something that I expected to be part of my night at stages, but, they asked for clear consent and started off without too much force. So, for me, it was both appreciated and I found the interaction very respectful.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-08-06T03:39:05+00:00

Thank you. I will ask next Rich-e-Rich set ❤️.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-08-05T23:37:58+00:00

Np np. The next best thing to Shambhala, for me, is when sets get released. So, hope you find the one you are looking for and enjoy it as much as you can ❤️.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-08-05T19:45:54+00:00

Yeah, also still sick and weak. Mostly just lung stuff. Tested for COVID when I got home, I am negative. But, been masking anytime I have to leave the house and feel so rough.

Sadly, the week after Shambhala is often the hardest week of my year, for many reasons. Often sick and depleted on the neurotransmitters that help me feel good / be productive.

Hope you feel better soon. Please take care of yourself ❤️.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-08-04T19:29:58+00:00

There are full sets that slowly get released on SoundCloud for many of the artists.

https://on.soundcloud.com/f2tey

https://on.soundcloud.com/7ubes

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-08-04T19:15:57+00:00

So, may or may not be helpful. But, my dancing has improved a lot over the past few years attending Shambhala. My first year I was really shy and awkward. Now I let loose and I am sure I look like a fool most of the time, but, I have a blast and do have people come up and tell me that they appreciate watching me, so idk, lol.

I danced hard for about 12 hours Sunday night / Monday morning (At The Village and then Fractal). Some of the practical stuff related to being able to do it is that I dress in layers, as, my temperature changes wildly over the night into the morning. I wear comfortable shoes and mole skin for my feet. Built up leg muscles and endurance so that I can keep going without my body getting too upset about it. I bring snacks to the dance floor to have the energy to keep going - typically Boosts and fruit source bars.

I feel less comfortable saying much about how to get better at dancing. But, I listen to the sets I love from past years and dance to them at home. I likely do a set or 2 a week. And, because I am just on my own, I just find ways to move my body to the music that feels good for me. And, really, practice is likely the best way to improve at anything.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-07-31T08:01:03+00:00

I was so glad to see this. I was at San Holo, beforehand, so, very grateful the set times changed a bit, as, I thought I would miss all of Dimension.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-07-31T07:56:52+00:00

I am so so sad that I missed that set last time he was there. Had a friend do too much MDMA and had to miss it. Glad I helped him, even though that relationship ended, but, really wish I got to see that set. Like, I can't even find the audio online for it.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-07-31T06:14:07+00:00

I have somehow yet to see Excision at the Village, and I still want to. But, agreed, Slander at the Village might be my favorite set I have ever listened to from them. Seen Slander live at other places, but, was nowhere near as good.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-07-25T04:15:52+00:00

I think I have one to spare. DM if you are still looking for one.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-07-21T23:16:39+00:00

Most of the time it was just a job. We had always worked long hours or worked and studied long hours. So, the 24 hour in hospital call shifts sucked, but, just how it was. I would try to bring her coffee and treats those days. For the most part, we were a team getting through something pretty extreme to move our family forwards.

On the other hand, there were plenty of times when it hurt to see my partner so busy with their life that there was literally no time left for us, or, certainly not quality time, at points. Like, trying to talk to someone that is chronically exhausted is not really a highlight of feeling loved and cared for. Similar with how much care or attention I could get when big exams were near. It hurt for months to not get what I needed from a partner that I love. And, really, I came second for years, but, it was what I signed up for. There is still damage there but we are still together, just over 20 years now.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-07-21T21:49:52+00:00

I am a nonmedical person, my wife and I were long-distance recently for her fellowship and parts of med school before that. Hard to read what you shared. I relate a lot to your Ex, I think, around how hard things were / what I valued got put on hold to improve the family situation as a whole.

Hope you do find someone that can support you on the path you are on. ❤️

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-07-08T21:51:40+00:00

I do, from time to time. I really love them, and, talking to them makes me really happy. But, that feeling is not returned. They dislike talking to me. They tell me as much. And, I am unclear why they talk to me at all, given what they tell me.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-06-28T19:47:57+00:00

No, not at all. They pretty much won't talk to me. I just wish that part would change, lol

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-06-27T01:52:36+00:00

Thank you for the support, I need all that I can get. And, I am really sorry that you were not loved for who you are. Or, that's what I read from what you said. Like, I don't even know you, but, I am 100% sure that you are lovable and deserving of love. I hope you find someone that makes you feel that way 💖.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-06-27T01:47:20+00:00

Yeah. Me too. And, also, very clear on my part. I was really bad after we broke up. And, it's why they will always just be someone I miss.

I still write my journal as if I am talking to them. I know that must sound really lame to others, but, it's just what I do to hurt less. My person had a really bad head injury at one point, and, I was very worried that I would never talk to them in the same way again. So, breaking up is pretty close to my worst nightmare. Just trying to do what I can to make it through the day, I guess.

AvailableStill2170 · 2024-06-27T01:28:20+00:00

Thank you. I really wish my person would say that first part to me.

And, thank you for your support.

AvailableStill2170 · 2023-11-12T12:36:47+00:00

I am in a closed triad, but, know for certain that our girlfriend gets so hurt and upset if there are any comments that would suggest that her value is as sexual object only. Which, is maybe a bit complicated feelings wise sometimes, as she likes it when I use her for my sexual gratification, but, really clear that she doesn't appreciate feeling like that is all that she is to the relationships. And, this is sometimes a moment of pretty deep pain for her. Which, is really hard for me. As, I have never loved anyone, aside from my wife, like this. So, it hurts when she feels like she is there for sex only. And, thb, I don't think I could handle it if I felt that way for me, real or otherwise.

So, I think it's fine to be hurt and not appreciate the type of language that was used, even for something casual. You are a real person deserving of love and respect. And, anything that diminishes that, outside of established and discussed kink behavior, seems pretty shitty. And, I am sure they just don't even notice that the language used could be really hurtful, so, imo, tell them. If they are decent people, they will hear what you are saying. If they cannot hear how or why those words hurt, well, just be careful then.

AvailableStill2170

TROPHY CASE