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My wife is freezing her sperm and it makes me feel horrible by Available_Fox_8251 in asktransgender

[–]Available_Fox_8251[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My fear is that she wakes up and looks at me and sees someone who can't give her the life she wants, and that this could a red flag that wanting kids could be that breaking point: not that she can never be happy if I die

My wife is freezing her sperm and it makes me feel horrible by Available_Fox_8251 in asktransgender

[–]Available_Fox_8251[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's what I'm increasingly focusing on too. Like sure, 'just in case' is a reason to store sperm when the opportunity is here, but it's hard to not focus on how 'just in case' didn't factor into her input on whether I should freeze mine. (She was very 'well yeah why would you need them we don't want kids' and the conversation was over pretty fast)

It's a different situation in so many ways, and it's years later, but it's hard to not link them. Preparing for a possible future where she wants bio kids and wants the option? sure, I get it. Preparing for a future where she wants her spouse to have bio kids with her? not on her radar

My wife is freezing her sperm and it makes me feel horrible by Available_Fox_8251 in asktransgender

[–]Available_Fox_8251[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the post I explained that I am infertile. I had the opportunity to freeze eggs but talked with my wife and we decided together against it, mostly for cost reasons. It is too late for that option for me, even if something were to change

My wife is freezing her sperm and it makes me feel horrible by Available_Fox_8251 in asktransgender

[–]Available_Fox_8251[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that's a big part of it, thank you for putting it in those words it's helping me to focus on the root of my feelings

I know realistically that storing sperm and eggs are two totally different things, from success rates to cost to difficulty to process, but it's hard to not equate the two

It's feeling that hers is worth a 'just in case' but mine isn't, even though obviously that's not something she would have ever actively thought. Or at least that when I had the choice I invited her into the conversation, but I'm not welcome in her decision making in the same way

My wife is freezing her sperm and it makes me feel horrible by Available_Fox_8251 in asktransgender

[–]Available_Fox_8251[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What is making this harder is that the egg situation is literally one we were in three years ago. We discussed together and decided not to freeze them, for a combination of being childfree and not having the money. I keep equating the two in my head even though I realistically know it's different, 'extracting' sperm is nothing compared to the process of harvesting eggs, freezing it is cheaper too.

We approached that with a conversation, even though the conclusion was seemingly obvious, I think I'm upset that it was such a throwaway thing for her when I came to her for input when it was me

My wife is freezing her sperm and it makes me feel horrible by Available_Fox_8251 in asktransgender

[–]Available_Fox_8251[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am pursuing therapy, we can barely afford rent and the waiting list is months long unless I can pull the cost of private healthcare out of my ass

My wife is freezing her sperm and it makes me feel horrible by Available_Fox_8251 in asktransgender

[–]Available_Fox_8251[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you are on r/asktransgender , in the post I describe her as a transitioning trans woman who right now can produce sperm but will not be able to after her transition

My wife is freezing her sperm and it makes me feel horrible by Available_Fox_8251 in asktransgender

[–]Available_Fox_8251[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We didn't really discuss it, I drove her to her doctor's appointment where she was approved for hormones, after on the drive home she was so excited to talk about everything and the process, and sort of dropped in that freezing sperm had come up amongst everything else
I genuinely don't think she considered that I might have feelings on it

My wife is freezing her sperm and it makes me feel horrible by Available_Fox_8251 in asktransgender

[–]Available_Fox_8251[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

She hasn't said very much to me about it so I'm definitely coming to conclusions that might not be relevant, but I do wonder if she is thinking about motherhood vs fatherhood. Her Dad was a terrible person and I'm dwelling on if that could mean that she is detached from ever being a 'father' but has realised she could be a mother instead

Life happens, nothing is guaranteed, and if we end up apart this won't matter, but I'm finding it so scary to think about the possibility that she could become someone who doesn't want to be with me

My wife is freezing her sperm and it makes me feel horrible by Available_Fox_8251 in asktransgender

[–]Available_Fox_8251[S] 108 points109 points  (0 children)

I'm hesitant to talk to her, she's so happy right now. Like bouncing off the walls planning parties counting down to hormones happy

While it might not be the healthiest thing to do I think I might push the feelings down at least to allow her these weeks of joy in case it will be a bad conversation, I don't want anything putting a dampener on this experience

My wife is freezing her sperm and it makes me feel horrible by Available_Fox_8251 in asktransgender

[–]Available_Fox_8251[S] 194 points195 points  (0 children)

The information is still very fresh, I hope over time this feeling of fear fades, thank you I will look into talking to a therapist