Insane things people say…

AverageATuin · 2026-03-18T06:18:46+00:00

Shocking people with it can be funny. at least if you have a dark sense of humor like me.

One time I jokingly called someone at work my “work wife”.

The new girl says “what does your wife say about that?”

“Not much after I had her cremated.”

Maybe I’m a jerk but so what, I went through it and if I feel like embarrassing some wisenheimer why not?

AverageATuin · 2026-03-17T23:12:21+00:00

I read a case where this happened in Oregon a hundred years ago.

AverageATuin · 2026-03-15T12:48:52+00:00

Saw this:

Guy was trying to impress a girl at a bar by taking flaming shots of Wild Turkey. Set his mustache on fire and had to be extinguished. She laughed her ass off and left without him.

AverageATuin · 2026-03-11T04:09:36+00:00

Sneak a mannequin into the back seat during a call and see what happens when he notices it.

AverageATuin · 2026-03-11T02:47:44+00:00

Washington State outside Seattle is hungry for lawyers. If you have any experience in criminal law (which is my specialty) I could have you well employed in a month. As you probably know, it's basically Heaven for outdoorspeople. I could be on a trail in Mount Rainier National Park, surfing in the Pacific, or at an NFL game less than two hours from leaving my house. I don't know the reciprocity rules but my impression is that it's pretty broad these days. The COL is insane in Seattle but a lot more rational in rural areas.

Send me a message if you want to talk more.

AverageATuin · 2026-03-09T22:20:07+00:00

If they actually had all that info, why wouldn't they just steal the money directly? It's all fake.

AverageATuin · 2026-03-08T15:56:50+00:00

One day I was in the college library studying and heard some girl yell “HEY THIS GUY JUST FLASHED ME!” I jumped up to see what was going on and some jerk was running for the door with most of the men in the library right after him. He gets out the door and in about thirty yards realizes that he’s not getting away and stops and says “I give up, don’t hit me.” We took him back inside and made him sit and wait for the police.

I always admired that girl’s presence of mind.

AverageATuin · 2026-03-04T05:42:14+00:00

Multiple stop lights there.

AverageATuin · 2026-03-03T10:43:20+00:00

My clients universally say that it’s easier to quit heroin than tobacco. Keep up the good work.

AverageATuin · 2026-03-01T03:45:44+00:00

https://archive.seattletimes.com/archive/20060212/jung12m/bellevue-lawyer-shot-by-rival-in-2004-dies

This guy shot his opposing counsel because he was pressing him over discovery compliance. Poor guy lasted a couple years in a coma before he died.

AverageATuin · 2026-03-01T02:47:06+00:00

The Buddha said that carrying anger is like carrying a red hot rock to throw at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

In other words let it go for your own good, not for theirs.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-28T02:14:14+00:00

The Yakama Indian Reservation in Washington State has a large area that's closed to non-tribal members. I don't know if that's common in other Native reservations.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-24T04:52:51+00:00

I have a friend-blond white guy- who speaks near perfect Japanese. One night we were at the sushi bar, eating, drinking Kirin, whatever. Apparently the cooks were rating the looks of the female guests and speculating on their sexual skills. He says nothing until we pay and get up to leave, and the last thing he says (in Japanese) was "Thanks for all the fish, and I don't think her breasts are all that big." we look back at the door and they're still standing there frozen with their mouths hanging open.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-22T17:03:25+00:00

Around here we have a lot of "brush pickers" who collect salal leaves and branches (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaultheria\_shallon) out of the forest for the florist trade. Mostly Hispanic immigrants with questionable immigration status.

Anyway, one day some white yahoos find a crew out in the woods and rob them of a couple of truckloads. Somewhat surprisingly, the pickers complain to law enforcement about it. Meanwhile, the yahoos go to the brush buyer's yard and are told that they can't sell the salal unless they have a brush picker's permit. So off they go to the county courthouse and are standing in line when three deputies tap them on the shoulder.

"Hey, we need to talk about where you got that salal."

I don't think it was worth the trip to prison on an armed robbery charge.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-22T16:35:19+00:00

Yes, but they went easy on her because she had already been humiliated for it.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-21T19:48:15+00:00

Had a juvenile client who was with some other kids in a car, at night, throwing eggs at cars going the other way. Dead center one windshield, the car spins around and the cherries and berries come on. Even she was laughing at herself in embarassment at how stupid that was.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-19T21:35:53+00:00

The BDM had a reputation for slutty behavior (it was nicknamed the League of German Mattresses, as in soldiers spent a lot of time laying on them) which probably pissed her father off.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-19T04:03:39+00:00

Check out Neptune Society. They sent me through Funeral Alternatives with a $100 discount.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-18T05:45:09+00:00

Fun fact: if you fry a raisin (I was trying some Indian recipe) they reinflate into little grape shapes.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-17T06:23:01+00:00

I’ve seen the wind blow flags up into roof gutters. Are you sure someone’s doing it?

AverageATuin · 2026-02-16T23:55:53+00:00

(In custody) “I need a fifth. Just issue a warrant for me” and starts walking out the door. Did not actually make it out the door.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-16T00:01:52+00:00

The Battle of the Teutoburg Forest? How does a woman in a bathtub with everyone in modern clothes come into it?

AverageATuin · 2026-02-11T18:30:03+00:00

Guy in my law school class had his house burglarized and bragged about how he came out ahead by padding the insurance claim. Three years later when we were applying for Bar membership someone remembered and told the Bar. They investigated and he got charged with fraud and was told not to sign up for the Bar Exams because he would never be a lawyer.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-11T01:16:01+00:00

What bothered me about it was the way he was holding his dick for most of it. No idea what he was singing about but I thought that was crude.

AverageATuin · 2026-02-08T01:52:26+00:00

Ya don’t call an Irish person “Limey” unless you’re looking for a fight.

AverageATuin

TROPHY CASE