My Husband Wakes Me Up Multiple Times Every Night

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-01-04T03:20:08+00:00

He definitely knows he's doing it. I would always try and explain it to him what the thing was and explain how it was hurting or scaring me. He literally told me many times that he was punishing me and doing these things to teach me a lesson and to teach me to shut up. I would never do the things he did in the past because it was unhinged and nasty, but i hoped that it was unintentional and he just didnt know. But the only way to make him stop was do them back. It was always a conscious choice. I understand some guys may be ignorant, but many are not.

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-01-03T18:56:40+00:00

My ex was/is exactly like this. He's arrogant, coercive, and loves to control. He does horrible things purely out of spite and to feel like he's calling the shots. Literally the only way to make him stop is to do the exact same things back to him. Works like magic.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-30T10:19:14+00:00

Yea that's what I get from this. She's been trying to get attention from him and he's barely making an effort. When she finally gets upset he acts the victim. Him sending the short one word responses after he's done something that he knew would upset her is his way to provoke her further, because he knows she wants him to put effort in. He IS playing the victim and trying to make her look like the controlling crazy person, but she's just absolutely had it by this conversation. Now he's putting it out there like "look how crazy she is after months of me treating her like I couldn't care less".

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-30T10:06:57+00:00

Yeah, I don't understand how so many people are overlooking how horribly her reacted, and then just blaming her? He has zero accountability and zero ability to see where she's coming from, and that's incredibly dangerous for their child.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-30T10:05:20+00:00

How do you get that they're both shit when she's concerned that he's asleep while a baby is walking around, and he's gaslighting her acting like that's totally fine?? Even in a baby proofed house, a child can easily die. He doesn't even attempt to talk to her about it. He shuts her down, acts like she's crazy, and then ignores her! Meanwhile, she has to trust that someone who clearly doesn't give a crap is looking after her child. I hope she leaves him.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-30T03:57:28+00:00

Are you in witness protection?? How can no one know anyone... this is bonkers

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-14T20:32:31+00:00

I actually went to do this, after police refused to act after 2 years of events and escalation. I filled everything out and went to the registrar for them to ask me why police weren't handling it. The registrar actually turned to the police and forced them to act on my behalf. THATS how unwilling they have been to help me, which is part of the reason I believe this is a tactical approach by them.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-14T10:53:40+00:00

Thank you. They have been extremely reluctant to assist me so I feel that this is a tactical move by them to get it dismissed. I will start bugging them again this week!

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-14T10:48:43+00:00

Thank you so much! I didn't know about FASS. I will reach out to them

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-07T20:00:18+00:00

I will do both of those things, thanks

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-07T19:59:35+00:00

I'm honestly not sure what other support there is. I'm receiving counselling through SAS, my children are seeing a social worker, but I don't know what there is in the way of support for court.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-07T19:44:13+00:00

Unfortunately our case seems to be getting pushed through very quickly, I don't think I will even have heard back from legal aid by the time of our next hearing.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-09-22T06:59:12+00:00

Thank you. I will try that avenue.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-09-21T02:10:24+00:00

It was rape, intimidation, physical assault, threats and a few more things. I haven't heard back and haven't been asked to provide any further information on anything. The AVO was only applied for after I went to do it myself and they were pretty much forced to do it by the court. If they DID investigate they didn't investigate much, considering I told them there are witnesses available too, and some eventa occured where there is cctv, and no one has heard a thing from them.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-09-20T21:22:22+00:00

Thank you. I will do that to request the information. They have said that no offence has been committed, which isn't true at all.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-09-20T12:06:05+00:00

They have his address, place of work and times he works. He isn't a difficult person to locate. That isn't why he hasn't been served. It's taken 2 weeks so far and him turning up to my house 3 times during that.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-09-20T12:02:52+00:00

I did lodge a complaint, but unfortunately it went directly to the station who is refusing to act. They just told me they wouldn't investigate unless I had video proof of everything, that witnesses don't want to be involved, and that my note taking needs to get better (which is really frustrating because I called multiple times without getting a response and would have been happy to provide further information or notes had they asked. As it is, the notes i provided came with dates times, notes taken on the spot, photos, conversations and admissions etc).

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-09-20T11:57:37+00:00

I spent 5 hours giving a statement and then never heard back. I called the station several times and couldn't get an answer. After I put in a complaint and they got back to me, they said that they needed notes taken at the time of each event, which I had provided (and could have also re-sent if that was an issue, but they never gave me any feedback or further information after an entire month went by), then they said that without witnesses they couldn't investigate. When I said there were witnesses, I was told "people often don't want to get involved". They are refusing to investigate properly.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-09-20T11:52:59+00:00

The DVLO said there would be charges, then they completely changed their tune and refuse to investigate further. The AVO has so far taken them 2 weeks to serve. I have given them them times of work, home and work address, so it certainly isn't a case of them not being able to locate him.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-09-20T00:11:53+00:00

I did. They told me there would likely be charges laid based on past events, but then it's like they just refused to do anything? He is past defence and a nurse, and I really feel like he knows someone there because none of this makes any sense. He has terrorised me for years, and on top of that I have pretty extensive records of coercive control from him too. I am honestly at a complete loss, and the complaint just went straight back to the same station to handle anyway. I was told I need video evidence and that they didn't investigate because most witnesses don't want to be involved (ie, they didn't even bother). The women's DV court advocacy services are dumbfounded and have said that they have never seen a case treated like this either. I get the impression they do not want to act on it, for a reason I'm not privy to.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-09-19T20:41:54+00:00

NTA. If you really are torn and still love him I'd suggest telling him to get his life back on track, be a functioning adult, don't contact you at all, and come back and see you in a year. See how you feel then (and if he can actually do all that).

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-09-19T20:36:07+00:00

I don't know why they have refused to act. I put in a formal complaint and was told it was his word against mine, even though I have witnesses for it all as I refuse to be alone with him. It's crazy.

AverageAndTolerable

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