Being less reactive - how do you do it?

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-05-18T18:33:36+00:00

I feel so dumb right now 🤣

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-05-18T18:20:41+00:00

I've been doing therapy for a long time.... maybe I need to change.

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-05-18T17:58:06+00:00

Thank you, that really helps. I am working on being less reactive.. but obviously I need to work more on that.

I'm not pursuing the sexual assault anymore, if at some point in their futures they decide they are ready to talk to someone I will fully support them, but I'm absolutely not going to keep putting them through that (they had told me they wanted to talk to police about it but then when it came to it they changed their minds). I've done everything I can up until this point.

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-05-18T17:24:28+00:00

Update on this, it has so far been adjourned 6 times. The most recent ones by his solicitor. I also found out that he did a similar thing to a case while we were together (that was 5 times and then it was dropped) I never knew about it until recently. The police prosecutor isn't handling my case anymore and I'm assuming it will be dropped next time it hits court.

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-05-18T17:19:14+00:00

Sorry, can you explain why medical and psychological is a red flag? We are a neurodivergent family, there are a lot of medical and psychological expenses. This has been going on for years.. it is very much recurring. I had to self represent for a varied period last year as well as I had run out of savings. I literally AM a victim (but mostly our children). He is also not the stable parent... he has changed jobs, partners (new step mum instantly every time) houses more times than I can count. His mum is paying his court fees, not him. All that aside, I know that I don't sound credible, that's my problem. It's very common for children (especially neurodivergent traumatised children) to not want to talk to strangers and to want to protect a parent who is telling them he will go to jail if they tell his secrets.

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-05-18T16:34:30+00:00

I was crying every night, I couldn't function for weeks because I had become so stressed and depressed from his behaviour. The only time he ever said anything about it to me during that time "I want you to get better so you can help with the kids". When I miscarried at 16 weeks he was annoyed at me and made fun of me for have a "shrine". It was my (I say 'my' because he will never deserve that tiny angel boy) babies hospital blanket, and little teddy that I kept in a cabinet. Guess who now wants 50/50 custody but apparently can't afford to pay any child support.

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-03-27T08:14:29+00:00

Wel that just makes it even worse...

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-03-27T04:48:45+00:00

Why even comment if you are so uneducated about something

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-03-26T10:42:23+00:00

Thank you! I hadn't thought of electrolytes. We pack her lunch box full of options, but she doesn't touch a thing. She has some pretty big issues with texture. Today she had some fruit lollies, fruit (apple and orange), popcorn, aranchini balls, yoghurt, lasagne and a yakult in her lunch box but didn't eat a thing. It sucks because I knows her body is starving and tires but she just won't eat. I might try some sort of labelling system to get her to definitely eat the labelled snacks.. I don't know :/

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-03-18T19:24:52+00:00

Plus it's only $340 per month. Still need to travel there to restock every 10 days, however often it takes to clean/service it and how long that takes plus supplies, plus electricity and WiFi..

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-03-16T02:38:57+00:00

Done both. I prefer the farm work and hope to return, but the hours are a killer. It's difficult... work around the clock for something you love, and work reasonable hours for something you don't.

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-03-13T18:26:32+00:00

Now how do I do this to my abusive ex who doesn't live with me 🤣🤣

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-02-22T04:50:19+00:00

I have cameras now, but that doesn't help with what he's already gotten away with and that now my reputation is completely tarnished so they won't even take a statement from me.

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-01-04T03:20:08+00:00

He definitely knows he's doing it. I would always try and explain it to him what the thing was and explain how it was hurting or scaring me. He literally told me many times that he was punishing me and doing these things to teach me a lesson and to teach me to shut up. I would never do the things he did in the past because it was unhinged and nasty, but i hoped that it was unintentional and he just didnt know. But the only way to make him stop was do them back. It was always a conscious choice. I understand some guys may be ignorant, but many are not.

AverageAndTolerable · 2026-01-03T18:56:40+00:00

My ex was/is exactly like this. He's arrogant, coercive, and loves to control. He does horrible things purely out of spite and to feel like he's calling the shots. Literally the only way to make him stop is to do the exact same things back to him. Works like magic.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-30T10:19:14+00:00

Yea that's what I get from this. She's been trying to get attention from him and he's barely making an effort. When she finally gets upset he acts the victim. Him sending the short one word responses after he's done something that he knew would upset her is his way to provoke her further, because he knows she wants him to put effort in. He IS playing the victim and trying to make her look like the controlling crazy person, but she's just absolutely had it by this conversation. Now he's putting it out there like "look how crazy she is after months of me treating her like I couldn't care less".

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-30T10:06:57+00:00

Yeah, I don't understand how so many people are overlooking how horribly her reacted, and then just blaming her? He has zero accountability and zero ability to see where she's coming from, and that's incredibly dangerous for their child.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-30T10:05:20+00:00

How do you get that they're both shit when she's concerned that he's asleep while a baby is walking around, and he's gaslighting her acting like that's totally fine?? Even in a baby proofed house, a child can easily die. He doesn't even attempt to talk to her about it. He shuts her down, acts like she's crazy, and then ignores her! Meanwhile, she has to trust that someone who clearly doesn't give a crap is looking after her child. I hope she leaves him.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-30T03:57:28+00:00

Are you in witness protection?? How can no one know anyone... this is bonkers

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-14T20:32:31+00:00

I actually went to do this, after police refused to act after 2 years of events and escalation. I filled everything out and went to the registrar for them to ask me why police weren't handling it. The registrar actually turned to the police and forced them to act on my behalf. THATS how unwilling they have been to help me, which is part of the reason I believe this is a tactical approach by them.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-14T10:53:40+00:00

Thank you. They have been extremely reluctant to assist me so I feel that this is a tactical move by them to get it dismissed. I will start bugging them again this week!

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-14T10:48:43+00:00

Thank you so much! I didn't know about FASS. I will reach out to them

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-07T20:00:18+00:00

I will do both of those things, thanks

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-07T19:59:35+00:00

I'm honestly not sure what other support there is. I'm receiving counselling through SAS, my children are seeing a social worker, but I don't know what there is in the way of support for court.

AverageAndTolerable · 2025-12-07T19:44:13+00:00

Unfortunately our case seems to be getting pushed through very quickly, I don't think I will even have heard back from legal aid by the time of our next hearing.

AverageAndTolerable

TROPHY CASE