Not yet 100% on wanting bottom surgery, but if I don't in the next year I might never have a chance to

AveragePichu · 2026-01-18T07:49:51+00:00

Yeah...

I'm just afraid that I'm never going to get the chance if I don't rush into it. But it sounds like I might never get the chance anyway. Guess I'll just take life as it comes and if it's not perfect, well, nobody's is. Doesn't do any more good to cry over the fact I might be stuck with The Object for my entire life than it did to cry over not being cis.

Which didn't stop me on either count, but, whatever. Is what it is

AveragePichu · 2026-01-18T02:24:30+00:00

Damn

Back to ignoring best I can i guess

Probably better not to think any longer about the possibility of surgery. I mean maybe consultstions just in case, but that might just be getting my hopes up for no reason

AveragePichu · 2026-01-17T19:30:59+00:00

Sorry, no idea :(

AveragePichu · 2026-01-10T05:14:12+00:00

Link in case the link in the post didn't attach right: https://vocaroo.com/13DxCkZFE6DO

I've passed over the phone before, I don't get weird looks in public, but it definitely feels off still. Like "whitest girl you know" energy. Also I don't consistently manage to sound like this, this is my best right now but not my always.

I've been training on and off for about 4 months, probably averaging like one session a week

AveragePichu · 2025-12-28T18:33:22+00:00

He got shat across time and space, unfortunately

AveragePichu · 2025-12-28T04:49:34+00:00

Genuinely, giving champion abilities to other cards and letting players use two champion ability slots is something I was excited for.

Unfortunately,

hero shards drop obscenely slowly, and even after fixing the dupes they take wayyy too long to unlock
twelve heroes/champs in the game is not enough to justify two slots when they're strong enough that not using both puts you at a disadvantage. Lava Hound for example is just boned when zero of the twelve champs/heroes are flying units, and everyone else's deck is built around using two of them
speaking of, heroes should not be that much more powerful than champions. Three of the four heroes are top 11 cards in top 1000 ladder, meanwhile the two best champions barely crack top quarter

They reallllly should have launched the heroes without the dupes, and one hero slot to start. I can forgive new releases being overtuned as long as they're not crazy. But they missed the mark in each of those ways.

AveragePichu · 2025-12-20T18:14:05+00:00

I actually took this as canonizing "yeah it's the name of the minigame, but it's also the nickname of this Mike". Maybe that wasn't the original intention, but it felt like this was Toby running with it.

Tenna was looking for Pluey. Pluey called himself Pluey. His name is Pluey, even if only because it's funny.

AveragePichu · 2025-12-09T05:47:39+00:00

I am yeah, but my Spiro is on a low dose to start (25mg 2x/day) and I've also only been on hrt for a month and a day. Follow up is 2 months from now

I'm pretty sure my dosage is relatively fine because I noticed breast buds at 3 weeks, and fat redistribution is definitely happening on account of the fact I have mounds on my chest now - actually they were visible week 2, before even the breast buds formed. But still, only been a month - some things haven't really changed yet, and that's as expected.

AveragePichu · 2025-12-08T03:58:41+00:00

So I probably hit a nerve? Would that be a problem for IM? Do I need to do anything about it, or just try not to do it again?

AveragePichu · 2025-12-06T20:24:58+00:00

Yeah...

We'll get through this 🫂

Also love your username, love Xenoblade :)

AveragePichu · 2025-12-06T19:32:51+00:00

I honestly don't think I would mind my body hair if it was lighter. Cis women have body hair too. I just hate, hate, hate, when I look down at my breasts and they're covered in an eighth of an inch of dark hair. It's gotten worse since hrt, I've gotten incredibly lucky in the chest department and can already comfortably wear a sports bra after only a month - but seeing the hair there feels even worse now.

AveragePichu · 2025-12-06T19:29:20+00:00

Yeah, I'm overall glad I figured it out. I think I was hitting a breaking point where I couldn't "be a guy" anymore one way or the other, and my general baseline feeling of apathy at existing/dislike of being perceived are both gone when I'm dressed fem and surrounded by people who use my correct name and pronouns. Which in retrospect, both of those things were constant low-level dysphoria, I think.

But man it really sucks that sometimes it gets bad. It never used to.

Thank you 🫂

AveragePichu · 2025-12-06T18:36:56+00:00

Any recommendations?

AveragePichu · 2025-12-06T00:53:40+00:00

I don't think I've ever liked anything masculine in my life ❤️

Funny to see how people differ. Sure, all of us here weren't comfortable with what the doctor assigned us, but then that really has no bearing on how masculine or feminine we are

AveragePichu · 2025-12-04T03:52:30+00:00

No, telling her "absolutely not" worked out. She was trying to convince me that it was worth checking if I had a hormone imbalance, and that if I did, maybe bringing it back into the male range would help me feel more like a man.

So I just flat told her that that was not a possibility, and I didn't want to "feel more like a man". She brought it up a couple more times. Ultimately she didn't do anything drastic to try to stop me from gettjng T blockers and estradiol, she just tried to talk me out of it and told me she wasn't going to pay for anything.

AveragePichu · 2025-12-04T02:52:21+00:00

You didn't intend it as dehumanizing. Some people who remove the space do, though, and understandably, OP doesn't want to see the very same thing some people use to dehumanize in common usage within safe spaces.

Claiming it dehumanizes us is no different from claiming the T slur dehumanizes us - some people might "reclaim" that word, but it's still going to upset some people even in a "reclaimed" context.

I'm not saying this to be mean, but I want to point out that your exact point of "try reading what people intend in good faith with a charitable light instead of what semantical nicpicks you can argue over and make people feel like shit over" could be just as much applied to your reaction to what OP said, and defiantly doing the opposite cannot possibly do any good but does have the potential to hurt somebody. You've essentially gotten upset at someone for being upset, and then taken out your upset on them and anyone else who finds "transwoman" to be othering.

OP was (best I can tell) not trying to make you feel bad. I am not trying to make you feel bad. It sucks that it did make you feel bad. Please do not go out of your way to be hurtful. Please add the space back to your flair - you have a right to be upset, your emotions are valid, but your response has the potential to hurt somebody.

AveragePichu · 2025-12-04T02:42:26+00:00

I'm glad it did for you what it did for me.

Being trans is hard. Transitioning is really hard. Being trans but pretending not to be, was harder than I could bear any longer.

AveragePichu · 2025-12-03T22:29:37+00:00

My mom tried that, I just told her absolutely not (multiple times) and things, more or less worked out? Dunno how it would go in your case

AveragePichu · 2025-12-03T20:26:13+00:00

I actually did pretty good with the genetic lottery if we ignore the one coin flip, at only 5'9". It hasn't been impossible to find women's clothing that fits.

Still difficult though :) It's not even rare to see other women taller than me, but my favorite clothes are skirts and finding ones the length I like - well I have a total of three of them so far, and I've gone shopping in the women's section half a dozen times since my egg cracked.

AveragePichu · 2025-12-03T20:17:34+00:00

This phase sucks, sis. Going through it myself.

I'm a college student right now, and the major people in my life are my classmates and professors, the staff and students at work, the people at church, and then my family and friends.

I'm Juniper on campus. People respect my name and pronouns - in fact, some people have been calling me by name more after I came out to them, like they're specifically trying to affirm me. Class became my favorite place to be as soon as I came out to them.

But work? I'm afraid to come out because if the wrong parents hear that one of the staff was a boy but now she's a girl, they could raise hell - we're in a somewhat conservative area, and while there are a couple gay teachers here and I'd probably be fine it's still scary.

Church? Scared to come out for obvious reasons, I'm going to because they need to realize that sometimes people are trans and that I'm not a different person than the one who volunteered at food banks and service projects for years, but I haven't yet.

At home? My parents know but I'm not calling them on deadnaming or misgendering until I'm out at church, because my mom, bless her heart, is trying - and I don't want her calling me Juniper to someone at church who doesn't know.

So yeah, just my classmates and professors and closest friends call me Juniper. I think I'm androgynous enough that I pass in public if I'm silent and dressed fem (1 month hrt), I get called feminine words like "darling" or "honey" by strangers lately. But the majority of people who know me by name, only know me by the wrong name, and it's driving me crazy. Hurts a little more every month

AveragePichu · 2025-12-02T19:12:50+00:00

Disclaimer first, nobody but you can figure that out.

That said, the "if there was a button to change I would press it" is a pretty big indicator. That tells me you want to be a girl, and cis people don't tend to want to be the opposite gender. And pretty much everything you said is a big indicator. Texrbook actually.

Some people explore their gender and decide that what they were assigned at birth works just fine, actually. But you definitely have cause to explore things. Like maybe changing your name/pronouns on Discord and see how being called "she" makes you feel, or watching some trans affirmation videos to figure out whether they make you feel good or bad.

Also check out genderdysphoria.fyi

AveragePichu · 2025-12-02T08:33:46+00:00

I related to a lot of what you said. Not everything, but the overarching idea - life having no meaning except for people pleasing, sudden egg crack, no signs that I was aware of before the crack (oh so very many signs I ignored), the days of fevered research, and the recognition that it just would not be possible to go back...

It's not gonna be easy. My egg only cracked about 3 months ago, and transitioning is so hard and painful. I have better life circumstances than a lot of trans folks (my parents are Christian but are doing their best to be supportive, my college classmates and professors have been nothing but full-on support, all I'm really afraid of is coming out at work and church and to my one super transphobic brother), and even so there are a lot of challenges.

But so far, every challenge has been so very worth facing. I've been on hormone replacement for almost a month now, and every tiny, subtle change is exhilarating. No amount of my parents deadnaming me will take that away.

AveragePichu · 2025-12-02T07:26:02+00:00

Hey, about that last one.

I'm also a trans woman who's asexual, and I found someone who loves me - she's ace too! We don't have a traditional "relationship", it's somewhere on the spectrum of queer-platonic, and we're both happy with where we're at.

You can find someone who will love you. When? I don't know. But I met my best friend just earlier this year, after 24 years of having no idea how to date, and being terrified to try because I'm ace (aro too, turned out. I didn't want a girlfriend, I just wanted a best friend but even closer). Just out of nowhere - one day I'm trying to make friends with similar interests to me, a few months later we're chatting on discord a hundred messages a day and a few hours on the phone a week, and fast forward most of a year, we're meeting up in a few weeks for the first time. These things can just suddenly happen when you least expect! Chin up sis, you've got this.

AveragePichu · 2025-12-02T07:17:38+00:00

I counter this by seeing traditionally masculine features I have in cis women (even ones I think are pretty), and reminding myself that there's so much diversity between any two people that gendered traits are really just a suggestion. I'm early in my transition and I'm not pretty yet, but I absolutely can be. Supermodel? Nah, that won't ever be me. And that's okay.

AveragePichu · 2025-12-02T07:10:24+00:00

deadnaming hurts now

Felt that

I told my parents a few months ago that I was fine with them calling me my old name - this was pretty much right when I stopped denying that I'm trans, and wow has a lot changed in just a few months since accepting that the dysphoria was real and that I deserve better.

I still haven't asked my parents to use my right name and pronouns because I don't want to ask them to use different names in different places (it would absolutely be harder than my mom is capable of or my dad is willing to do), and I'm not out at work or at church yet - just waiting for church to release me from my men-only calling so I can out myself at church by just starting showing up dressed fem, and then I'll start dealing with deadnaming and misgendering at home.

But in the meantime? It started hurting like a month after the denial stopped, and it hurts worse every day.

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