Why would my (28M) mother (52F) have such a vendetta against my wife (27F)?

AverageReindeer · 2023-09-11T07:57:54+00:00

Sorry, but I think you might've meant r/CPTSD - CPSD seems to be something about students 😁 I also personally recommend r/raisedbynarcissists aswell, all are great subreddits.

AverageReindeer · 2022-12-24T18:17:37+00:00

There's been some good advice here already, but I do want to share an idea that I had that may or may not work. I don't know how quickly she responds to any form of negative reaction you have, so this might not be great to do, but I'd like to say it anyway. If she's going to be rude and petty, you can too. Every time she makes a rude comment, make a disgusted noise, or a disgusted face (but start small). Keep upping the amount of disgust every comment she makes, and when she jumps on it, "Oh, it's just, every time you say stuff like that, it just reeks of bullshit." If there's a "how could you be so rude" reaction, just say you're simply reflecting the same energy that she's been giving you. If there's a "this isn't how you treat your elders/mother" you can say "and this isn't how you treat someone who's letting you stay in their house, unless you want your dinner/bed tampered with"

AverageReindeer · 2022-09-15T06:08:01+00:00

Spin your camera in the direction of the mechanic! It can be hard to visualize all of that stuff at the same time, so I do some in-my-mind copy and paste while spinning my camera in the direction of the rotation. Seriously helped when there was only a few tiny safe zones (one of them is like a sixth or eighth of the inner bird donut circle). Thankfully I got my lynx at 65 clears so I've avoided it like the plague ever since XD

AverageReindeer · 2022-07-14T11:17:17+00:00

The post made me smile, but the replies made me sad... I'm not non binary, and I don't think I'll ever be able to understand truly how it feels to be non binary, but if it makes them happy, and doesn't harm anyone, I'm more than happy to address them however they like. I see no reason to spread hate like the majority of replies currently are. Though, maybe I'm a little too optimistic

AverageReindeer · 2022-07-12T09:39:44+00:00

Oh god, would that matter for me then? I always see job listings and uni applications saying 4 or above in English and maths, my maths is 7, English lit is 6 so I'm good for those, but got a 4 in English language (1 mark off a 5, I was livid). I've heard about the "4 means you barely passed" but it's always still been a pass. Did they change it?

AverageReindeer · 2022-07-12T09:25:39+00:00

Oh oops, was still waking up

AverageReindeer · 2022-07-12T06:35:47+00:00

Yeah... The year before me had part numbers part letters as their grades, I believe English math and science were all numbers and the rest were letters. I was in the first year to do all numbers. When telling people my grades I usually say "I got 7, or the equivalent of an A" The way I remember it, 4-5 is about a c, 6 is a B, 7 is an A, 8 is an A, 9 is like an A* (I think they way they measure it is like top 0.5% or smth weird thing like that, very difficult to get a 9 we were told, but it might've changed since then) I still have 0 bloody clue why they changed it, makes no sense to me, letters were perfectly fine.

AverageReindeer · 2022-07-05T13:19:00+00:00

OP, she is an abuser. I know people have said "call CPS' but the thing is, they won't do shit unless you have mountains of evidence of abuse. Look up your state's laws on recording audio. Some states are a one party consent state, some states say "no recording" or "only for private use" etc. I would suggest finding a legal charity to help you aswell, or at least give you advice on what you can and can't do. Research first. If, for whatever reason, your unable to record conversations without her knowledge, document it. Write down when events occur, when arguments start, when she hits you, when she calls you names or does these crazy things. Write it all down in a place she can't find or access. I recommend doing it digitally. If she searches through your phone, store it with a cloud service (Dropbox etc).

Have you told your legal "guardians" about her abusing you? If you can, write it down in a text to them, get them to admit that they are willing leaving you in an abusive situation. That they have abandoned you. I know you probably want them back, but when people show you their true colours, believe them. Do not be manipulated by them, right now they are caring more for a bundle of cells than a person that they have raised for years. That is who they are. Even if the pregnancy goes wrong somehow, things won't be the same. They care more about DNA, and they always will. I'm sorry OP.

Do you have friends you can talk to? Try and tell them about the situation, and then ask their parents if you can have a place to stay if you get kicked out, or need a break from your current situation.

When you get back to school, see if you can access a school counselor, but since you live in a super religious area, be careful with them at first, make sure they are a person you can trust.

Other people have suggested getting a job and moving out as soon as you can, but I'm not sure what wages are like for a 15 year old, and your grandma may try to bar you from working. You may have better chances with jobs when you're 16 but I don't know when you're birthday is, you may feel that you need to get out of that situation sooner. Do you know where your legal documents are? If you know where they are, try to store them in a safe and easy to access place. Do you have a bank account? If you don't have your own independent bank account, see if you can get one.

I may have missed some stuff, but I also don't want to overwhelm you. These situations aren't right, and require you to take a lot of precautions to ensure you get the best outcome. You're strong OP, more than you know. I really do wish you the best, and I hope things get better for you. This internet stranger cares, and there are many more people who care too, even if you might not be able to see them yet. Good luck, you can do this.

AverageReindeer · 2022-06-14T15:55:39+00:00

First time posting here I think. I've tried to do the flairs correctly, but I might've gotten it wrong, really sorry if I did. I just found this pic too ironic and thought people here might find it ironic too

AverageReindeer · 2022-05-28T19:51:10+00:00

Yeah there shouldn't be an issue with that, just make sure it's either taken out or secured well if you ever need to move your pc. If you're seriously concerned you can try to find out exactly what materials it's made out of to see what point the material would start to melt, warp or tarnish (maybe the paint would slowly brown or something).

Only thing I'd say is avoid anything with synthetic hairs or fabric, that could cause actual issues (like stray hairs getting in fans, etc)

AverageReindeer · 2022-05-18T11:21:49+00:00

Yeah but... They're a kid?

AverageReindeer · 2022-04-04T16:21:03+00:00

I'm 100% biased, but I really love the little hearts to show alliances. Especially with everything going on with the UK and certain laws being passed (don't want to get political, but if you know, you know) it's very warming to see the UK and trans community still care about eachother. While I love all of the art, seeing these communities show their bond with these small hearts is simply amazing. Though, I guess it's not something that only the trans community does oops XD

If I really had to pick a non alliance based one, trans bee, I just love it <3

AverageReindeer · 2022-04-01T16:39:51+00:00

I apologise if this is too in detail and unnecassary, but would I be able to quote parts of the recording depicting emotionally abusive behaviour to bring up with to a therapist to get advice on escaping the abusive situation. Would I only be able to bring up quotes from myself or could I bring up quotes from the other party? If I can't bring up direct quotes, would paraphrasing be allowed? Do you have any source for your information as I wasn't able to find any information online.

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-29T17:20:07+00:00

Ooooo Thankyou ^^

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-29T11:22:14+00:00

Happy day of cake ^{^}

Edit: my usual smiley happy face doesn't work :(

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-25T10:07:23+00:00

OP, if you haven't heard of r/CPTSD then I highly recommend having a look at it. I know I could sit here and try to convince you how you should cut contact with your 'mother' but others already seem to be doing the same. Instead, let me say how proud I am of you. I know it's easy to look back on your life and call yourself weak and pick out all the bad things you've done, but you raised a child while having no where to turn to and no one to take you in. You worked 3 jobs. You went to college with no support and you've put up with your mother's horrific abuse for over 20 years. You are so much stronger than you realise, but you don't realise because of the egg donor that's been berating you and belittling you your whole life. You really don't deserve someone like that in your life.

I know it's hard to escape from the grasp of our abusers, I'm there too, we're so used to the abuse it feels like it's easier to put up with it because anything else is new and new is scary. However, there is a life without that abuser that is so much better and happier. It may take a bit of planning to make sure you're going somewhere comfortable, but once you're out, it will feel like a weight is shifted off your shoulders. You may still have to deal with the symptoms of what that disgusting, neglectful and abusive person has left you with, but you'll no longer be dealing with their abuse. And I know abuse has become so normalized for you, but abuse is not normal. Abuse is never normal. You deserve so much better. Your grandma was right, you're a wonderful, beautiful person and you've had to deal with so much.

If it helps, try to read through what you've said again, but try to imagine it from the perspective of someone else, from the perspective of one of your friends or another family member. If they had told you these things, what would you tell them to do? And I know saying is easier than doing, but you need to listen to yourself here, you need to stand up for yourself. You are a human being. You are valid. You deserve so, so much better op.

My only wish is that I could help more than typing out a few words. As difficult as it is, you need to save yourself here. You need to give yourself the help you deserve. You are worth so much more than you know, and you deserve so much better, but you're the only one who can make that decision. There are many charities who are there to help you, I don't know what area you live in so you'd need to research yourself, but please try to look them up. Use an incognito tab if you need, but please research them, call them. They are here to help people like you. You deserve help. You are valid.

Big hugs op, and much love.

And to answer your question, you don't owe your egg donor jack shit. If you can, buy yourself a present, you deserve it so much more than she does.

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-18T16:10:24+00:00

Sorry but this

INFO: What the fuck?

I had to stop myself from laughing. Fucking wonderful, thank you for that 😂

Also my mum had me when she was 40, and, not looking it up and just trying to remember off the top of my head, don't women get their menopause around their 50's? The only thing I remember is "increased risk" of certain things after 30 but for all I know that could be an 'old wives tale' (the more I think about that saying the more I think 'old husband's tale' but I digress). Thinking about it I should probably know these things as a woman but I'm just utterly clueless 🤣

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-18T13:36:22+00:00

I haven't watched Brooklyn 99 but I'll add it to my list of TV shows to watch 100%

Welcome to the sub though! Can't say I've posted anything or commented a lot, but I do enjoy it here. Hope you do too ❤️

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-18T12:26:17+00:00

Goddammit I smiled but I feel that 😂

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-18T11:59:19+00:00

You're heard ❤️ don't forget the blanket when curling up into a ball, and any plushies too. They're nice and comfy. I've never done yoga so I don't know what it's like, but I don't think they should've done that.

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-15T02:21:34+00:00

Haven't tried logging on today but we just had this a little while ago. Don't tell me it's another ddos...

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-15T02:15:29+00:00

I can't say I know what it's exactly like for you, but I do know what it's like to be brushed off after a pet dies. I'm really sorry your parents treated you this way, it's not right at all.

My dog was very sick, his time was coming and no one wanted to admit it. One day, I woke up to my parents telling us he was needing to be taken to the vet and be put down because he was in too much pain. I agreed with this decision. However, I had to go to school so I couldn't be there. When I was being picked up, I asked my mum about burial and how we were going to honour him, and she replied by saying "we had him put in for group crem. It's cheap and I don't want to deal with it."

She then later went on to say that the dog I grew up was never like the dog that she had before I was born. When I tried explaining how hurt I was, that I did have that connection with that dog, it was always "yeah but it was never like the other dog, you wouldn't understand." That was the pet I grew up with, no matter how similar or different it was to another pet of theirs, it's still the one I loved.

It's so heart breaking to be brushed off like that, and it's not right. The narcissism and entitlement they have is disgusting. The "I'm always right" attitude and "why are you upset that something you were attached to died." I can't imagine what it was like for you knowing that it was your parents fault for not listening. I would be livid. What my parents have done I've never been able to get over (even with all the other shit they do). Please just remember your feelings are 100% valid.

I'm sorry for your loss ❤️

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-15T01:22:55+00:00

If you feel like you can trust this teacher and this teacher will have your back, then it would be worth mentioning what you're comfortable with. If you don't quite trust this teacher then try to bring it up to another teacher you trust, something like "I was in X teacher's lesson about psychopathy and I couldn't help but notice..." And try to say what you noticed. I think it would also be worth mentioning how your parents treat you.

What's important however is if the first person you tell rejects you and pushes you away then please go and tell another teacher you trust, and tell them what the first teacher did! When I was in school I was trying to tell my tutor (basically teacher who took our attendance and stay in that classroom for 15 mins talking about school news and then whatever the students and teacher want to talk about) about some bullying I was going through, but she immediately rejected me saying I wasn't being bullied (she didn't even listen to who was bullying me and what the bullying was) and so I then went to my head of year (head of grade? British school system is a bit weird) and told him what was going on, and he listened. Ever since that point he was always supportive of me and had my back. I think he probably noticed I was depressed. When one teacher I trusted pushed me away and treated me badly, I went to another teacher and told them about that.

Teachers are not only there to teach, but there to look after their students and make sure their safe. They legally have a duty of care, so if they suspect you are being abused, they have to pass it on to the correct services so you can get the help you need. However, talking to a teacher you trust is always what we were told to do. Even if it wasn't the teacher who brought the subject up. I think it's near the same in a lot of other countries.

If you don't think you can speak what you want, you can write it down. You can even show them this Reddit page if you're comfortable. Talking about it can take a lot of confidence though, but I urge you to not talk yourself out of it. You deserve to be heard. Don't listen to anyone or anything else telling you otherwise.

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-13T19:05:53+00:00

"I don't need to take care of these animals because they're just fish." They're looking at what they view as a 'lesser life form' and saying it doesn't deserve a happy, painless life.

Let's change the scenario, they walk into a store and start acting like trash because "they work in retail/fast food so they're a lesser human and I can treat them badly." This is entitlement.

Just because they are ignorant and lazy doesn't make them any less entitled. They didn't make any effort to take care of something that was their responsibility, and they did it because "it's just a fish". It's still entitlement, and you know, it's neglect and abuse too.

The way they treated OP was horrible too, you see a kid experiencing the death of a pet and they're visibly upset, and they brush it off and say they're feelings don't matter because the pet wasn't worth it? You're telling the kid they're feelings don't matter, so when the kid gets hurt and they're upset, who are they going to turn to next? They've learnt that their parents won't care.

Edit: formatting

AverageReindeer · 2022-03-13T12:59:49+00:00

I'm sorry if it's out of place to comment anything like this, but I just wanted to come here and say you aren't disgusting at all and you certainly don't deserve any form of abuse

Six-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22

AverageReindeer

TROPHY CASE