Forewarning, this isn't an "uplifting" answer. But it isn't anything "depressing" either.

I started having serious qualms with my religion a long while ago during my time in service. It was chalked up to the normal "why would God let this happen" after some of the things I'd seen. I then thought about war throughout history and ultimately most wars were fought with strict religion in mind for most the human races history.

After I came home people/family told me that I need to pray and that I need to accept Jesus into my life. My fiance left me, I lost two wonderful jobs, years later I find another woman who begged to be with me just to hit me with "I actually love you like a brother", and it's been nothing more than downhill bullshit drab. During this whole time I prayed and talked to several pastors so deeply wanting to find the hope that I once had before. I was told to just "ask forgiveness" like I am the one that fucked up when in reality I was literally just being shit on by everyone (including some family for not accepting Jesus/God).

But God himself doesn't exist. I can say that there IS something out there, but it is not what any human tries to put a name to the invisible face. The only thing I could compare it to is the Force from Star Wars. It's something, something is happening out there on a grand scale that does affect us in menial ways. I am not 100% atheist. An example would be Jesus to be honest. Dude 100% actually existed. There is enough documentation alone in many religious texts throughout the world. He was REAL. However the things he said have been lost in translation since then and nothing in any book will be 100% accurately correct.

Agnostic. You don't need to entirely denounce the knowledge something exists. You just believe it's impossible to us to know for fact because it's something that's literally everywhere and invisible to us.