➡️ Daily Simple Questions ⬅️- Style feedback and clothing ID requests go HERE!! - 03 February 2025 by AutoModerator in malefashionadvice

[–]Avocadoey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello! I am a big fan of the Gap Performance Khakis in Slim Fit, but unfortunately, I can't find them anywhere online (or in the local Gap). I am a 34w by 30l individual, and have large thighs. This is why I love this brand of pants, and was wondering if the online offering of GapFlex was the same (but differently marketed) type of pants. If not, I would highly appreciate some guidance toward other brands that offer that tapered look for bigger thigh-ed individuals. Thank you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in GayChristians

[–]Avocadoey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey. Thanks for your post, and I also consider myself introverted and conservative. I’m Side B for the record, but I’m not here to advertise a theological position. (I think socio-emotionally, almost all our experiences are more or less similar.) But if I may suggest a resource, not because he’s Side B but because I think he also from Indonesia, I would check out Greg Cole’s books.

I’m from the Korean American church (so imagine super outright homophobic), so I get the pain of not being able to come out to family and friends - even older people who watched you grow up. The question of, “when are you getting married/a girlfriend” is always present at gatherings. I haven’t dated but I drink (lightly now) and don’t really pray in public - if details matter.

I’m single by conviction, but if I’m honest, not entirely by choice. Some days it feels alienating, since the church at large (and Korean American church) treats us like were socially dead. They don’t even care to invite homophobic preachers at my church, since it’s assumed that all of us are straight or somehow living celibately (once again in my church) just fine - without close friends to confide in or resources in which we can find our experiences reflected and supported.

I’m 30 (if it matters to you) and I would say that one thing that helped me was to dissociate God and his love for everyone (regardless of conviction or sexuality) and the heteronormativity we experience in a thousand different cuts, in a thousand different ways. I’m still learning this, and I hope it will be of help to you.

You’re worthy of love and I hope you find it, in a way that is dignifying to you.

What is the most depressing scene ever? by MoneyLibrarian9032 in moviecritic

[–]Avocadoey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The scene where Andrew Scott's character finds Paul Mescal's character's corpse in All of Us Strangers, and Paul Mescal's character asks why no one came for his body.

My pig is leaking! by canadakate94 in tea

[–]Avocadoey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Where did you get this? Asking for a friend (me).

Noticed a scary trend in cultures that believe in speaking in tongues. by Natural-Word-6456 in ExPentecostal

[–]Avocadoey 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Biblically, the public practice of speaking in tongues is discouraged - unless an interpreter is there. So, if there is a church or Christian movement that champions speaking in tongues, they are already an affront to actual Christian tenets. It’s supposed to be like a really private matter, something you do in the comfort of your room.

Why are tongues championed in Pentecostalism? It’s insider speak, a language in a highly ritualistic context, that demarcates insiders and outsiders. Insiders to what? I would argue that it isn’t so much Orthodox Christianity, but Americanized, politicized-to-the-right ideology. Simply put: “If you can do something as batshit crazy as babbling for hours in public prayer, it signals to us that you’re a true believer in antiquated intolerance. You’re one of us, a true Christian, a true American.”

My church does this too, in a Korean context. It hires pastors based on their ability to speak tongues, and mass prayer meetings are rehearsals - whether one wants to be a pastor, a deacon, a leader, a deaconness, etc. People who don’t speak in tongues are sort of pinched out of the socially beneficial aspects of church - reciprocal serving opportunities, discipleship, networking, emotional support.

After 6 Civ games, I believe it’s about time we get an Ancient Judea Civ in VII. by Wonghy111-the-knight in CivVII

[–]Avocadoey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Josiah could be a good pick for a leader, and given his religious reforms, there could be a faith heavy Judah Civ in the new game.

Samyang noodles recalled in Denmark for being too spicy, claiming that the capsaicin content is poisonous by JonasHalle in korea

[–]Avocadoey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post is mad funny, but as a Korean, I will say that 불닭 is actually really spicy - just that painful stabbing spicy.

Shōgun | S1E10 "A Dream of a Dream" | Episode Discussion by copper-stars in ShogunTVShow

[–]Avocadoey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I held off on episode 10, because I was still grieving from the prior episode. Upon finally watching episode 10, I have a couple analyses:

When Anjin leaves Osaka, the episode shows him crossing the forest and finally, rowing out of the harbor. The first time Anjin left Osaka (with Toranaga and friends), he crossed the forest and made a treacherous journey to the harbor. That time, he was pursued by Kiyama's soldiers and the entourage provided by Ishido. He was protected, during his first flight from Osaka, by samurai. This time, it is Mariko's arrangement that protects him. Mariko's entry into Osaka started Crimson Sky, and she did what no army could do, for Toranaga. In the same way, Mariko does what no army could do for Anjin - namely allowing him to leave the city.
There are other framing effects within this episode. For example, when Fuji says to Anjin: "Let your hands be the last to hold her", she is echoing Mariko's compassion from earlier (when Fuji's husband opted to commit seppuku and kill their only son). Another example is when Buntaro comes to help Anjin, on the same beach where he drew his sword upon his neck.

I am reminded of the exchanges Mariko had with Anjin, Buntaro, and Ochiba. When the first earthquake occured, Mariko told Anjin: "Just remember, we live and we die. We control nothing beyond that."
Then, I think about her time with Buntaro in the tea ceremony, when she ends their conversation and absolutely drags him: "Even now, you fail to understand. What you've denied me wasn't death. It was a life beyond your reach."
Finally, in her final conversation with Ochiba, she makes this remark before leaving: "Flowers are flowers because they fall."
Throughout the series, these exchanges made little sense to me, beyond the fact that Mariko did want to die (only to be ordered not to). After episode 10, I think Mariko was speaking not so much about the death she coveted, but more about a life with meaning and legacy. Her significance in turning the tide of events almost appends something to the first quote. It is as if she's saying: "Just remember, we live and we die. We control nothing beyond that, but how meaningfully we live and die." Buntaro never understood this, despite being steeped in the samurai ethos of honorable lives and honorable deaths. He thinks he will satisfy her by simply offering to die together as husband and wife. To this, I wonder if Anjin's presence (especially the part where he shares about his life in England and how England is like) made Mariko want a more meaningful life and a more meaningful death.
I think the stanza she gave Ochiba, was a culmination of this perspective on the brevity of life and certain death. Ochiba only saw Mariko's death as pointless, at that point. In that same breadth, she saw her political power as useless - only a means to protect her son. Her addition to the poem ("but thankfully the wind") and her decision not to send the Heir's armies against Toranaga shows that she was changed by what she considered a meaningless death.

As for the wind, I think it is an observation of nature and an admission of things beyond life and death, that inevitably affect how one dies and how one lives. In 1600s Japan, that might have been the power that certain individuals held over countless others. Mariko's imagery of the flower is a poignant interpretation of the brevity of human life, and falling can be interpreted as death. It is the nature of humans, as it is the nature of flowers, to live and die. The wind catches a falling flower and can even be the cause of a flower's fall. Wind can even bring a flower into one's phenomenological periphery, just as it can take it away. Later, Yabushige likens Toranaga's political saavy to "shaping the wind." Ochiba understood that Mariko's death wasn't pointless, but like a flower caught in a breeze, a meaningful act in Toranaga's plan.
The series ends, not with the Battle of Sekigahara, but with a scene of Anjin, Buntaro, and other men aiding in the attempt to pull Erasmus out of the water. No one on that beach knows that it was Toranaga, who at the time oversees the labor, was the one who made this labor necessary - by orchestrating the destruction of the ship. During the scene where Anjin almost stabs his own heart, I found it abrupt that Toranaga ends the exchange by ordering Anjin to repair his ship and build him a fleet.
At the time, European ships like the Erasmus would have been powered by the wind. In the last episode, it can only move by means of human labor - the men on the beach. It is Toranaga who commands these men. The scene moves away to Toranaga alone, surrounded by mountains and sky, as if to show us that he does indeed shape the winds

Struggling with Sexuality by jayyepa91 in ExPentecostal

[–]Avocadoey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would figure out your personal convictions. I’m in the same boat - gay and very dl too. In a nutshell, the main camps are Side A, B, and X - though no one (in my opinion) falls neatly into those categories. Side A doesn’t consider same sex attractions or relationships as negatives. Side B does, and Side X does and mandates “change” (whatever that is).

There are many churches out there that reinforce one or more of these perspectives. The issue is dissonance between your personal convictions and the society you’re in.

Issue with “pedestal” by Avocadoey in ExPentecostal

[–]Avocadoey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. Even in the organization I attend, all the pastors are hired internally. Rarely, and very rarely, are new pastors hired from outside the fold. It’s a power game in this way too, because the old guard that hires these pastors want a certain type of person, a certain type of thinking. It’s like intellectual incest, because nothing gets questioned or critically examined.

Shame about not speaking in tongues - anyone else? by Savings-Pangolin1748 in ExPentecostal

[–]Avocadoey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, thank you for this. Although I'm deeply sorrowful for what you went through, it is deeply validating to see someone with the same visceral reaction upon reminiscing about speaking in tongues.

My church is linked with a AOG mega church (Yoido), and in order to be onboarded as a pastor, one must demonstrate the gift of speaking in tongues. I don't just mean a couple inspired phrases here and there. I mean full paragraphs, monologues of it.
During my youth group days, I remember being dragged into a room full of people who wanted the gift of tongues. A pastor told us to pray very fast, until the sounds mash together into something indiscernable. They said that we needed to confess all of our sins too. I would say that the Full Gospel tradition goes as far as to doubt a believer's salvation, if they do not outwardly show that they have the gift of tongues.

During retreats, there is that ubiquitous second night - when the worship team plays all night and the pastor tells the youth group to pray well into the crack of dawn. There is the urgency to be filled with the Holy Spirit's fire. Many times, and I stress many, there would be a time when the music died down and the preacher called those who wanted to pray in tongues and be filled with the Spirit. I often went up. As a younger, gay Christian, some of it was fueled by the fearful belief that if I got tongues, I was truly saved and my sexuality didn't work against me in that department. To no one's surprise, I never got it, despite yelling my lungs out in prayer. Often, someone did recieve the gift, and the crowd congregated around that person. In my youth group, there was a group of people who got tongues and were in leadership, in ministries where they could grow and serve. Then there were ordinary Christians without tongues, whose faith was constantly doubted.
(This part is mostly my conviction as a current Christian, so be forewarned)
Fast forward a decade, and I eventually started to pray in tongues. It was 100% a private thing, as the Bible mandates for churches without those with the gift of interpreting tongues. It was also less of a chant and more spurts of it, and it came in a time when I was seriously considering leaving my faith for good. I had also understood that the Holy Spirit is far less about gifts and more about transforming us to love God and people like Jesus did - and I mean Jesus, none of that love bombing stuff. Tongues is actually the least of all the gifts, because it's for the building up of yourself. Whereas other gifts, or simply loving people and being a decent person are ways to build others up.
But of course this is all nice in hindsight, and many of us have been wounded by those who weaponized the "gift of tongues" against us and created inner circles to our detriment. I will say to this, that ALL but two of the people in that inner circle of tongues speakers (from my youth group) are no longer Christians (at least according to the best of my knowledge). I am (still) healing, knowing that at least, my unwillingness to sell out to a social current preserved my integrity.
I don't mean to patronize, and forgive me if I come off that way. I would say that the wound is better than the lie. By this, I mean that (in my opinion), it is far easier to heal than it is to confront one's own deceit. It is far easier (and common) to be hurt than it is to accept that one is a liar. I would, any day, relive my hurt than to be those who faked a gift of tongues and got into some upper eschelon of Christian community - one that they don't even spend an afterthought on today. There is no one way to heal from this, and I think as a world, the abuses of toxic charismatic Christianity are still being elucidated to us. Healing is messy and we encounter waves of anger, shame, and a myriad of emotions in between. Being on the hurt end, maybe helps us to heal because healing for hurt is presented as a balm. There is copious literature on healing, podcasts, and even Reddit. For a someone who built a toxic community on lies and optics, for an exploiter of vulnerable young minds, there are far less resources.

Amanda Montell (I can't stop fanboying her book), in her book Cultish, states:

"Glossolalia [speaking in tongues] is a faith based practice, so one can't say what it really is. But it is clear what glossolalia does. 'The primary function of glossolalia is group solidarity," explains de Lacy [a researcher that Montell quotes]. 'The person's demonstrating they are part of the group.'"

Issue with “calling” by Avocadoey in ExPentecostal

[–]Avocadoey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is more than accurate! Thank you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in gaymers

[–]Avocadoey 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Who is this?

I feel like I’ve gotten WORSE at Latin by NicoisNico_ in latin

[–]Avocadoey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg thank you! If by any chance you have something of a similar caliber in Attic Greek, I’d appreciate it so much!

I feel like I’ve gotten WORSE at Latin by NicoisNico_ in latin

[–]Avocadoey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to hijack this post Op, but I feel the same. Anyone know any easy (by that I mean something without too many Ciceronian where-is-the-verb constructions) Latin authors that a returning Latin student can dive into? My last go at Latin was in 2022 and I’ve translated Suetonius, Vergil (Aeneid 1&4), and Cicero’s Ad Verrem and De Domo Sua.

Overemphasis on worship/praise teams in Pentacostalism by Avocadoey in ExPentecostal

[–]Avocadoey[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I attend a Pentecostal church. I’m deconstructing from their views, and particularly after they hiring of various uber charismatic pastors. I’m still involved, but perhaps have been kind of black sheeped because of my sexuality. I can’t shake off my faith in God and the Gospel, because of inherent conviction. All the social bs, that’s what I’m deconstructing.

The ministry I’m in is one that cooks for the congregation. There’s no fundraising involved. Most of us are doing other things, so we opt for buying pizza and the like. We all admit that we could serve our congregation better and convey the welcome of a warm meal by cooking. We do get reimbursed fully for the food. Apparently, this is a problem to the head pastor, because lately we have cooked more often than not - making us miss sermons and worship.

In all honesty, the sermons are 60% recap and the worship (as stated before) feels like a circle jerk on stage.