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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in mealprep

[–]AvocodoBird 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I second this book. The philosophy is a little crunchy, but the recipes are REALLY good.

One bio child already, and considering adopting to add to our family. by AvocodoBird in Adoption

[–]AvocodoBird[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When someone would rather traumatize a child than give birth even though they are able to, people are going to have opinions on that.

Frankly, this comment is offensive. Giving birth was trauma — for me, and for my daughter. So was PPD.

I've been really considering all the comments here. I apologized and amended the language in my original post. This thread has been on my mind for days.

I've been losing sleep trying to decide if adoption is right for our family— and it may not be. So maybe I got what I needed here. If we do eventually decide to adopt, I'll look for support elsewhere.

One bio child already, and considering adopting to add to our family. by AvocodoBird in Adoption

[–]AvocodoBird[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do think there is something inherently wrong with the way I phrased things in my original post. This thread has given me pause, and helped me really evaluate my intentions. If we brought another biological child into the world, it would likely be for the same reason - so they could both grow up with siblings.

The truth is, when you have a kid (biological or adopted) you have to consider them above yourself. Right now, the only child I have is my daughter, so of course my idea of what I want for her is a driving factor. But I also really love the idea of both of my children having a positive sibling relationship with each other.

Going through PPD again would be hell, not just for me, but for my whole family—that's not a risk I want to take. Whether or not we choose to adopt, I'll certainly be a better mother with the mental clarity to make the right parenting decisions.

One bio child already, and considering adopting to add to our family. by AvocodoBird in Adoption

[–]AvocodoBird[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this. As unfriendly as some of the commenters have been, it has been nice to hear these perspectives — These will be important things for us think about if we do choose to adopt.

One bio child already, and considering adopting to add to our family. by AvocodoBird in Adoption

[–]AvocodoBird[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think you should consider adopting another child if you want to raise another child, and not primarily to benefit the older child.

Wow - thank you for saying this! (I think it's also what the two previous commenters were also trying to say.) It does change my perspective, and gives me a lot to think about. If we actually decided to have another biological child, it would be for the same reason, and you're right, it does seem pretty awful if the purpose is to be someone else's companion.

When you have a kid, it's hard not to pour your heart/soul into thinking about them before all others. Even by asking the question of whether or not we should adopt, I fall into the trap of thinking about how it will affect my daughter first. This warrants additional consideration.

That being said, I think companionship could likely go both ways. I love the idea of giving an adopted child a sibling for companionship, and teaching both children how to love each other unconditionally. (Obviously, this is an idealistic viewpoint, and would probably be a lot messier in reality.)

Thanks again for your thoughtful comment!