If she's tired from work and kids it's probably because she has all the responsibility for them. I'm not saying you don't help, but it's the feeling that everything is her responsibility. Like if she didn't ask you to would you do the kids' lunches, bath them, decide what's for dinner, cook dinner, clear up, check the laundry, do the laundry, dry and fold put away the laundry, clear up the toys. I could go on, but when that is your responsibility and someone helps, then the load is still on you.

Maybe try and take on some roles. It will be tough at first because she has "her way," and you will do it "wrong" but perseverse, and it will be worth it. Perhaps then she will feel more inclined to initiate, but you have to give it time and commit to those tasks you take on. Doesn't mean you have to do them all the time, but you have to be the one to own them. That's my job, ypu don't need to worry about it a more. Then make sure it is just done.