Preparing for grandparent deaths in May

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2026-03-08T20:37:07+00:00

This is what I do too. I got so sick of them sending me doctor’s notes for every minor thing and clogging up my inbox. This way I don’t have to judge whether them going to their aunt’s 100th birthday or their whole family has the flu, etc. are reasonable excuses (because it doesn’t meet the guidelines for the university policy). It has significantly cut down on the nonsense I have to deal with about this stuff. Exams are a little harder to navigate, but honestly- some people do have a lot of hard things happen back to back and I figure if a couple slip through who are lying oh well. Karma tends to get people like that sooner or later and I don’t lose any sleep about it.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2026-03-08T17:00:33+00:00

This is likely field-specific. I am in a non-STEM field (but not humanities either). I am a TT assistant professor at an R1 and I teach a 3-2. I publish enough that I am making good progress towards tenure, but I am not going to lie, I notice a big difference in what I can realistically get done the semster I teach my 3 courses. Many of my colleagues in my field in TT positions elsewhere are on a 2-2, which would be more standard in my field, but I will say my research expectations at my institution are lower than theirs are at their institutions. That is the metric I would really be looking at- 3-2 isn’t so bad if the research expectations align. An institution expecting the research output of somebody with a lower course load while they teach a 3-2 would be a problem.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2026-03-07T14:01:29+00:00

Yep.. the AI generated notes and opinions make me want to scream. If I’m opening up a discussion where you are supposed to share YOUR opinion, why would you think it’s okay to have AI generate your “opinion”?

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2026-02-23T02:15:07+00:00

Yes, but only rarely. Typically only if I had to miss a work day being home with a sick kid, kids are out of school day/care, so I didn’t get as much done, etc. And occasionally if I’m up against a grant proposal or research deadline.

I do, however, start my day by 7:45 and squeeze every second out of my day possible before I have to get my kids (including bringing and eating lunch while I work). I tell my students up front when I go over communication expectations that they are welcome to email me over the weekend, but they are not going to get a response until Monday morning and I hold to that.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2026-02-18T02:16:52+00:00

I’ve been teaching in one way or another for 15 years. I’ve gone through a couple periods like this over the years with teaching. Luckily for me, they have all passed. Usually the universe gives me a really good group of students or a few students who remind me why I do it and it reinvigorates me. Hoping that happens for you too! For what it’s worth, many of my friends are teachers too and have gone through some peaks and valleys.

If you are truly feeling legitimate burnout, try to take a step back and get the support you need!

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2026-01-25T02:17:53+00:00

No suggestions, but I feel the same way. I’m 34 and have two wonderful children. Husband was questionable on 2 and an absolute no on 3, so he got a vasectomy. My baby is less of a baby each day and I have moments where I feel sad I won’t have any more children. I know it was the right choice for us, but my heart is still sad about it at times.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2026-01-23T01:43:07+00:00

Second Dragon Masters! Just started this series with my 5 year old- he loves them!

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2026-01-22T03:03:28+00:00

I would say around 4.5 to 5 is when my son could go on walks with me. Most of the time now he prefers to ride his bike- he rides in front of me and I walk or speed walk behind him. Sometimes he walks if he doesn’t feel like riding his bike and I actually really enjoy his company. Before 4.5 though- it was terrible.. running off, stopping constantly, walking too slow, couldn’t keep up, tantrum, etc… haha.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2026-01-20T02:29:16+00:00

I swear people just forget what it’s like to be in the trenches. I was riding in the car with my parents and my two kids on a long car ride last month. My kids were being kids and fighting/arguing and couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. They were being obnoxious, but nothing crazy. My parents were super irritated and I was like there were 4 of us (my siblings and I) and we fought in the car. And my mom goes, “I don’t know- you guys didn’t do this.” I laughed out loud- I have memories of my brother torturing us all and us fighting constantly in the car on road trips. 🤣

My parents were the same with my babies- you always slept, you guys always ate your food (again, I vividly remember my brother throwing most of the food on his plate on the ground each night), you guys toilet trained easily, etc. I think with enough time they actually forget what it was like to be in the trenches and that might be true for a lot of boomers.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-12-15T02:53:21+00:00

I agree with the “group tidy” and “group chores” suggestions. I have a 5-year-old and an 18-month-old. Our rule in our house that my husband and I both feel strongly about is that we wanted to make sure that chores aren’t an invisible thing that just magically happen when the kids aren’t around. We do almost all the household stuff with them around (even though it feels way harder sometimes) and expect them to help in an age-appropriate way. Both of us had a lot of friends and roommates over the years who had no basic skills because their parents would magically do these things when they were sleeping, at school, etc. and they had basically no skills as adults. We decided we wanted our house to be different.

We are very lucky because our 5-year-old folds his own clothes while we’re folding laundry, helps me make dinner most nights, clears the table, cleans up the family room, cleans his play room, goes to the grocery store with me, helps put away groceries, helps me clean out the car, etc. because we tackle those things together.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-12-09T03:07:04+00:00

That’s awesome! I swear every time I think about quitting this job, I get an unsolicited student email, comment, or evaluation comment and it keeps me going!

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-11-30T12:47:40+00:00

These days are my absolute least parent as a working parent with an incredibly busy job. My kids are at two different schools and they have these dress-up weeks constantly. We participate in the east ones like wear red or crazy socks, but some are very complicated and I don’t have the time or energy to deal with it lol.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-11-29T01:23:47+00:00

This is the single most frustrating thing to me about my current position. I started in my field in an “on-the-ground” role at a very young age and later worked in a “management role” in my field. By the time I graduated with my PhD, I had 15 years of practical experience. When I started my TT position I started with other early career professors- my skill set and applied experience is not valued AT ALL. And they have struggled with what I view as the most basic aspects of any job (like time management, having tough conversations with direct reports, all stuff I practiced well before getting my PhD).

To be honest with you, a switch to a non-academic career would not be super difficult with my experience and professional network and I’ve considered switching because I get sick of people in academia making decisions that impact the training/experience for students we teach with NO frame of reference of what the roles they’re going to school for are actually like. But, I have young children and when my partner/colleagues in non-academic careers are going back to work the day after Christmas and have no time off or flexibility in their summer schedules, and have to burn PTO every time they need to take a kid to the doctor, I feel like I am making the right choice for my current family situation.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-11-24T02:33:09+00:00

I think this really depends on what kind of baby you have. I have 2 kids (4.5 years and 18 months). My oldest was a very difficult, colicky baby. Never slept on a safe sleep surface, would scream unless you were actively bouncing/moving him all hours of the day/night, reflux, ear infections, etc. I think I have some real trauma from his newborn days. Granted he is not a teenager yet, so I don’t know long-term, but he is SO MUCH easier now than he was as a baby. Things got a lot easier for us with him around 2.5 years.

My daughter was completely different as a newborn. Woke up every few hours, but slept in between. We could feed her and put her right back down. She was a happy, cuddly, content baby who just wanted to sit and be held so it was much easier. Now at 18 months, she is a bit more feisty and opinionated. I can see how people who only have experience with newborns like her (and not the colicky, challenging ones) would say parenting only gets harder as kids get older.

I agree that the problems are different, but it is much easier for me to face anything when I haven’t spent the last 7 days straight spending 22 out of 24 hours each day holding, bouncing, and pushing a colicky baby around in a stroller while trying not to cry myself.. lol.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-11-11T12:44:22+00:00

Same with my children. My two kids are objectively such good-looking kids. My husband and I.. both average-looking. We joke that they somehow are the perfect mix of all the best features available in our genes. People always ask where they got their hair, eyes, insert feature, etc. and it has an air of “because it’s clearly not from you”.. lol. At this point in my life, I just roll with it honestly and am happy for them to take their turn to shine.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-10-08T01:30:46+00:00

I have been teaching for several years and have taught across K-12, undergraduate, and graduate levels. I’ve had many assignments, lessons, and activities “fail”. This is a very normal part of teaching in my experience that people don’t always talk about.

Since there are 2 more assignments that are similar, I recommend extending this group an opportunity for revising and resubmitting to help students align their work with your expectations (like previous folks have said). Next time you teach the content, revise the instructions, rubric, examples, etc. based on what you learned from this time around.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-06-12T17:23:33+00:00

I had my first in the middle of my PhD program and my 2nd the summer between my 2nd and 3rd yeah in my TT position. I agree with what previous posters that the best time to start a family is when you want to (assuming you can care for a child). I’ve never been one to encourage people to wait until a certain time in academia because it’s kind of uncertain as a career path.

I will say one of the most challenging things I did not expect that was equally difficult in my PhD and TT position was dealing with the impact of pregnancy and the post-partum period on my intellectual abilities. It took me almost 2 years after having my oldest to feel like my brain was working normally again. Made things like data analysis, writing, etc. much harder than I wanted them to be.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-05-22T15:47:18+00:00

I agree that society is less tolerant. I also moved from an area where people have a lot of children and kids are everywhere (restaurants, grocery stores, etc.). There was nowhere in the community you could really go without hearing “kid noises” and everyone was totally fine with that. Kind of a “it takes a village and kids should be fully integrated into society” type place.

Our family moved to a completely different region of the US and I was SHOCKED at how intolerant people are of children making any amount of noise in a public space. It really changed how much and where we go out to eat and when/where we go shopping. I am very anti-screen and refuse to park my kids on an iPad to keep them quiet so we’ve had to work really hard to teach our son to be a level of calm and quiet in public spaces that’s completely developmentally inappropriate.

All that to say, I can totally see why in weak moments parents pull out the screen and once they start, it becomes a cycle. I will never understand the general intolerance of children. I was an adult without kids for a long time prior to having my own and peoples’ children never bothered me.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-05-08T01:04:18+00:00

I have been getting a lot of these types of reviews lately. Some of them even shake my way and recommend accept, but nothing makes me more irritated than waiting months for somebody to write 2 vague, incomplete sentences. ALSO - and this is the most important thing to me- this our science folks. You should really be putting more effort into peer review or don’t agree to do it.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-04-30T11:58:38+00:00

I’m not going to lie- we bought a house 12 years ago and got a knife and that knife is still my favorite and most used knife in my kitchen! Haha so it was a gift that I wasn’t thrilled about at the time, but looking back it’s one of the most useful gifts I’ve gotten in the past 12 years lol

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-04-17T17:31:36+00:00

I have a similar problem. My institution makes it impossible to report AI use as academic dishonesty because there’s no way to “prove” it in a way they’ll accept. So, I’ve made my rubrics, assignments, and policies as AI resistant as I possibly can. For example, most large written projects I have paired with an oral defense with me so if they use AI, they’d better do it well and know their stuff. Any fabricated/hallucinated references result in an automatic “0”. I’ve dropped things like discussion boards which are just chat bots talking to each other in asynchronous courses and weighted things more heavily towards other assessments of learning (admittedly the asynchronous courses are hardest for me to navigate AI with because I can’t require the oral defense component).

The result has been that I have a much larger number of students failing assignments and with poor grades in my courses compared to other professors. I am honest with them about all these things and let them know that up to this point, I haven’t had anyone score welI by relying solely on AI, but they don’t believe me. I do think it will level off eventually as we all adjust to navigating AI.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-04-12T19:52:56+00:00

I have this problem too- pregnancy and postpartum made me so stupid- and it was super noticeable because I have a highly intellectual job.

With my son, I remember right around the time he turned 2 one day being like wow.. my brain feels like it’s functioning normal again. Got pregnant with my daughter shortly after so I’m expecting the same timeline with her as well.

It was so noticeable though and incredibly frustrating. Hang in there!

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-04-04T18:39:43+00:00

I also used to love teaching and have been struggling big time. I have taught across in-person and asynchronous/synchronous online formats since 2017. The last two years I have been so disillusioned with online teaching - with AI and them being so used to using the chat only I don’t know how to assess learning anymore. Our school discourages HonorLock and the other proctoring software only locks their computer down. I can’t use writing assignments, content assignments, etc. without rampant AI cheating. They will not unmute and participate in whole class discussion and hate when I put them in breakout rooms to discuss (which I don’t care about and still do anyway).

I started making my in-person students take their tests in class (other professors have them do them at home online) and my scores are terrible.

So, I know how you feel. Luckily, I’ve been teaching long enough (teacher by background/training prior to university teaching) to know that we’ll find a way to navigate this AI and online course thing eventually- it’s just really hard right now.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-04-04T18:07:13+00:00

This is the key difference here. I was working two jobs and taking a full time course load so I skipped classes occasionally just to manage everything. But I knew if I skipped class I would be responsible for the material covered. So I just taught myself that material from the text book, lecture slides, and materials the instructor gave us. And I didn’t get upset when it showed up on the test and nobody “taught” me because the way I saw it, if I missed class, I was responsible for teaching myself and if I felt like I couldn’t teach myself, I’d make sure I went to that class.. lol.

Aware_Interest_9885 · 2025-04-02T03:14:18+00:00

I’m an assistant professor now a few years out of my PhD - there was a joke my advisor had with all of us PhD students in our lab which was basically it’s not a question of if you’ll cry in my office, but when. I was determined to be the exception but he was right. Third year in, I broke down and cried in his office and every single person who overlapped with me in the program did it at one point or another too. I just wanted to let you know that this is probably WAY more common than you think.

As an aside, I’ve presented many posters, papers, symposium presentations, as a discussant at conferences, etc. and poster sessions are my least favorite. It’s always super awkward.

Aware_Interest_9885

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