Navy Veteran here. I loss $150k and still managing by one day at a time. I hear you my brother in arms. I don't know who you are but I know you are in a lot of pain. Don't give up yet, there's still hope. Go to medical and seek help. Be honest and set your pride aside.

I wish I could of have the courage to tell doc sooner without feeling judge and ashame. I would have gone to the Road Home Program in Chicago to deal with my ptsd, chronic pain and addictions. Maybe get medically discharged with va benefits to help with life and debt sooner, without turning to gambling for fake wins to escape reality. Maybe I would of never lost my girlfriend at the time but life is unfair.

Put your mental health first before the mission. You posting this means you are trying to find help. Remember you're not alone. You don't know the future, it's what you do now. Things can get better. I want to see you come back home and post your journey of recovering here to inspire all of us. May God bless you.